What are your unusual kid rearing tips. . .

[eachpeachpearplum]

So often people are just part of the herd following what everyone else does with a fear of saying how they do it differently!

I thought it would be useful for us parents to share "off the grid" kid rearing tips.

Mine are:

1. My kids only get a bath once a week. If they are dirty sure they get more. Whenever I mention this people look at me as if I am from the dark ages. Someone even had the nerve to say that it must be beacuse I am from the UK!!!

My kids are raw and are generally clean. I do give both kids a wash in their privates every evening. They are 18mo. & 5 1/2.

2. I encourage them to eat WHENEVER they like and do not adhere to set mealtimes. We do have the three main meals in the house but it is just part of the grazing routein. They are never forced to clean their plate but to eat until they are satisfied.

3. I will discontinue breastfeeding when he wants to, not when I "should". (update) This happened at 2.5yrs of his own accord.

How about you?

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Oct 2007 Update:

Kids are now 7.5 & 3.5

1. Strongly encourage kids to understand what food their body is asking for I always probe when they say they are huuunnnnggggrrryyyy. I go through the same list each time asking "does your tummy want crunchy, creamy, salty or sweet?" This really helps. My daughter is very good with understanding what her body is asking for. I also find out that sometime they just need a drink!

2.Our kids go to bed early ;I am always amazed at how late kids stay up and then (the parents) complain that they have no time to themselves or the kids are tired and difficult to manage during the day. I found very early that my daughter especially needs a full nights rest or she becomes a grizzly bear! They go to bed anywhere from 600-700pm. Please note I do understand that every family is different but this is what works well for us.

3. I still use my ergobabycarrier.com to carry my son when I need to dash about running errands. It is THE BEST carrier and I have had them ALL. It goes from infant to 5 years. I always feel so bad seeing woman carry kids in the front pack as it's so hard on your back and such a pain when you bend over too. I have traveled extensivly and so many other cultures carry their children on their back using just fabric. I mean hey it's hand free and NO STRESS on the BACK!I will carry him in this until he no longer fits!

4. Both Kids are still raw, and are on their third year.

[RowanC]

I have so many friends who panicked when their kids became teens. I reared 3 boys alone and here is my main rule - it apparently worked. They're all grown and responsible members of society.

"If they're not hurting themselves or infringing on anyone else's rights, let them do whatever they want."

That's it. If they want purple hair, pierced eyebrows, to wear funny looking clothes.... even a tattoo... ::shrug:::: It's their life.

The tattoo story: my 15 year old REALLY wanted a tattoo. Of what? Of this rock band that was popular in the 90's. I relented, but we negotiated that it had to be somewhere that a white tee shirt (short sleeves) could cover up.

He's 33 this year, and he's thanked me numerous times for that negotiation! ::laughing:::

Let them explore.

I'm 53 and all the kids who were branded the "troublemakers" in my highschool are now doctors, lawyers, and "chiefs" of their own lives.

Don't sweat the small stuff.
Choose your battles.

That's it.

Oh.. no.. one more thing.
Read and work through the material in "How to Keep the Love You Find" by Harville Hendrix. It will, among other things, show you how what you do now impacts your children for the rest of their lives. It will also help you understand your own adult relationship choices. Good book.

[eachpeachpearplum]

Hurrah - great post, I totally agree. Well said!

[Purl]

here's my main rule-teach them what is appropriate in public, then let them be themselves, esp at home. I get some mighty ugly glares re: their behavior etc, but over the years I have had to learn to not care what strangers think of my dc's "quirks". I have one boy who insists on "talking" to the scaner at stores. They hunt for "treasures" in stores-a lost twisty tie, or ripped tag, a spare penny, etc. I let my 2 year old ride on the front of the cart. People think I'm nuts 'cause I let my dc get bumps and bruises and I let them try stuff and test their courage and their strength. Just today 8 yo Gus was crossing a creek using an old snag. He was about 8 feet up. He would cross on the old tree, jump down and run back and do it again. He must have done it 10 times! He was so happy and having such a great time. The tree was secure and if he fell, yeah, he'd get hurt, but it wouldn't kill him. So I just let him enjoy it. After the 3rd or 4th time he said "Hey mom! I know this must look scarey, but don't worry. I'm not tired yet-and think of all the muscles I'm building right now!"

I also give my 5 yo and my 2 yo a bath 1-2x a week, but my older boys PHEEEEW!!! They need a shower at least every other day.

I also try to learn as much as I can so I can help my dc and I trust my intution at all times. I won't go into it, but on several different occascions in the last 8 years i ahve been told that 1 or both of my older boys would die due to medical issues. I trusted God and my inner voice thru it all and they are both here and healthy and strong. Also-on several different occasions I have expressed my concerns over food allergies with 2 different doctors and they both told me that "the scientfic evidence does not support" what I KNOW to be true about my dc. I have tried several controlled exp. re: specific foods, and I have found my dc to be allergic to dairy, wheat, and gluten. Recently I took my 2 autistic dc off anti-psychotic meds and have been feeding them a gluten free (cooked) or raw diet, slowly transitioning to raw. They are better now then they EVER were on any of the 3 meds we tried over the past 4 years.

[adrienne]

thanks for these great posts
as a new mom, i freak out over a lot (although not the "regular" things my friends do!)
the other day we were at a playdate and my 18 mo old daughter enjoyed some "goldfish" that the other child was enjoying and was far from interested in what we brought (fruit, toast w/ almond butter) i fretted a lot on the way home and as the days went on realized that if i give her what i think is best the majority of the time...a little goldfish aint gonna kill her
so i'm trying to be more relaxed, for her sake and not make her neurotic!!
and i'm all about the infrequent baths!
i can't wait to read more posts!

[mommamia]

I just have to join in and concur here! Your not alone. My dd gets a bath 1x a week~she's 8 in March. Altho, sometimes in the summer she needs them more frequently.

We don't adhere to mealtimes anymore. As long as it's healthy she can eat whatever she wants. I also agree with the Adrienne...lighten up a bit as long as the big picture is good. (Tonite we went to a movie all those SAD treats! I was going to relent but in the end she wanted a raw treat I made!Yah!! We had a bit of popcorn, too and that was okay!!)

Yeah for breastfeeding until they are ready to quit!! It happens to soon. And when they are ready to quite IS when you "should" quite, right? ;)

Okay. Here is my other thing. Nudity. My daughter loves to strip and wear next to nothing around the house. Usually, just underwear. While she doesn't do this around company and it's getting so outside it's not always appropriate (oh to live in the country! but around here ya just don't know what wierdo is going to drive by....and keep driving by....) When she's 13 will she want to run around 1/2 naked, I doubt it! (I'm laughing because now I"m thinknig about a teenage girl at the movies tonite who was 14 or so and dressed in VERY little!) Youthful pure innocence is fleeting so I enjoy seeing her so free! I get laughed at a bit about it, but i really don't care. I don't want to ever make her ashamed of her body! I don't like to hear "sit like a lady" out of mom's mouths, either....so I"m big on negating the body issues our society has.

Great thread!

[eachpeachpearplum]

I just have to join in and concur here! Your not alone. My dd gets a bath 1x a week~she's 8 in March. Altho, sometimes in the summer she needs them more frequently.

We don't adhere to mealtimes anymore. As long as it's healthy she can eat whatever she wants. I also agree with the Adrienne...lighten up a bit as long as the big picture is good. (Tonite we went to a movie all those SAD treats! I was going to relent but in the end she wanted a raw treat I made!Yah!! We had a bit of popcorn, too and that was okay!!)

Yeah for breastfeeding until they are ready to quit!! It happens to soon. And when they are ready to quite IS when you "should" quite, right? ;)

Okay. Here is my other thing. Nudity. My daughter loves to strip and wear next to nothing around the house. Usually, just underwear. While she doesn't do this around company and it's getting so outside it's not always appropriate (oh to live in the country! but around here ya just don't know what wierdo is going to drive by....and keep driving by....) When she's 13 will she want to run around 1/2 naked, I doubt it! (I'm laughing because now I"m thinknig about a teenage girl at the movies tonite who was 14 or so and dressed in VERY little!) Youthful pure innocence is fleeting so I enjoy seeing her so free! I get laughed at a bit about it, but i really don't care. I don't want to ever make her ashamed of her body! I don't like to hear "sit like a lady" out of mom's mouths, either....so I"m big on negating the body issues our society has.

Great thread!

Thanks! My daughter is BIG into no clothes; I was too as a kid - and would be now if I could get away from it. People have actually commented (in the summer) about her lack of clothing. Last summer she strolled to the mailbox in panites, princess shoes & a wimple, all her choice - she's five. She looked so cute! I agree their innocence is so fleeting. Two years ago when I took her to the beach she was the ONLY naked child - I could not believe it! It was hot there was sand, water and dozens of kids in fancy swimming suits - I just shook my head, oh well....

[Karen_in_FLA]

My children and I see a chiropractor once a week. We've been going for about 2 years now. With the chiropractor's help (within a month), we've been able to take my son off of all the asthma and allergy medication he used to be on.

[eachpeachpearplum]

My children and I see a chiropractor once a week. We've been going for about 2 years now. With the chiropractor's help (within a month), we've been able to take my son off of all the asthma and allergy medication he used to be on.

yes, back home (UK) taking your kids to the Ostopath is very common, but not here, well done!

[Veganmama]

I've always been a bit "different with my parenting to the others around me. I wore both my girls in slings and never used a pram they also had all their naps in their during the day. I co-sleep, i'm still breastfeeding my 3.5 yearold, no real set meal times here just always food avaliable.

My neighbours, both single mum as well, think i'm crazy/amzing as i don't hit or yell at my girls yet they are still very lovely, polite yet wild children. I don't believe they should do what they are told without out question, i welcome the questioning, but they still know where the boundaries are.

We are also homeschooling

I love parenting my girls it's such an amazing journey

[Kitty]

I was always told not to let my child graze on food and to feed them in set times, but I completely disagree with that. I think thats part of the reason some people have grown up with eating problems. They eat full meals because there forced to then they snack when they're hungry. So I just let my daughter eat when she tells me she is hungry and when its lunch or dinner if she isn't hungry thats fine. I also don't give her baths every day, but sometimes I do it just to entertain her. She loves them! One day I hope to get to the point of just letting her be herself in public. Its hard, my mothers good at making me feel bad if she "misbehaves" in public but thats how I would want to do it.

[mommamia]

How could I forget co-sleeping! it's so much part of our life that I don't think of it anymore!
It started because we were into attachment parenting and it didn't keep us all up at night. It morphed from there. She's 8 as I've mentioned and sometimes she's w/one of us, then both of us...we sleep anywhere and everywhere we are comfortable. Sometimes it's 1/2 the night on her own, 1/2 with parent or parents. She has her own bed ....and a little mattress on the floor we were trying to do the transitioning thing with for awhile. Just never got there. I figure when we are all ready for it she'll be in her own bed. We agreed that if co- sleeping ever got to be a problem we'd change it. So here we are. She's an only child, too, don't know if that plays into it....but she's only a kid once.

And homeschooling here too! Classically, which also makes for a different choice in the homeschool world.

Eachpearplum: You brought back a couple memories! I remember my dd playing outside with a inside out shirt in her hair...pretending she had mermaid hair...we had just mowed lawn and besides underwear that's all she had on. She took the mown grass and threw it all over, played with it, rolled in it...needless to say she was a bit "itchy" later in the tub....I think we definately live vicariously through our children. They do things we would like to be free to do as grown ups.

[JennaBoBenna]

You brought back a couple memories! I remember my dd playing outside with a inside out shirt in her hair...pretending she had mermaid hair...we had just mowed lawn and besides underwear that's all she had on.

hehe, my best friend and I used to do that when we were little with our shirts before we'd get in the bath. and it was mermaid hair!

[RowanC]

Some really great advice here. I'm not the only hippie mom around ::chuckle::

The bath thing... my middle son just would NOT take a bath.. he was the scrungiest kid around, but the most loveable! My eldest was the opposite. He hated to be dirty and was always clean and shiny. Took at LEAST a shower a day, more if I didn't watch him carefully. Funny thing about it all is that when headlice went around each year (we lived in the country and it wasn't uncommon) the OLDER boy would get it every danged year, but the little scrunge-bucket never got it once. We used to tease him and tell him he was too dirty for the lice! roflol

Now HE has a 2 year old daughter... payback is so much fun!

We lived on a commune so there was a lot of community rearing and patience and love. One of my friends breastfed her son forever. We used to worry when he got old enough to ask for the breast... but you know. He grew up to be the sweetest and most brilliant, beautiful man and all that titty didn't hurt him a bit. ::smile:::

Now, I had a reason to post this, but I've forgotten it... so I'll just go read elsewhere until it comes back into my mind.

Oh yeah, I went to see Paul Nison today. He gave a really great free talk at the healthfood store here in Portland. Nice guy...

[RowanC]

Oh yeah, I remember what I was going to say.

I am reading mothers saying they follow their instincts. THAT IS THE BEST ADVICE OF ALL.

ALWAYS follow your own instincts. YOU know YOUR child better than anyone. It's the flesh of your flesh...

Sometime when my hands aren't so inflamed, I'll tell you the story of when my son almost died because a doctor wouldn't listen...arrrghhhh....