Are People NICER To You When You Are Skinny?

[k8sl8]

There was a well-known study done where pictures were shown to babies... They responded more positively to "attractive" faces than to plain or unattractive faces. Basically, I think this says it all. We are hardwired to "beauty".

I have been heavy, not heavy... happy, not happy but always just "average" in looks. I know for a fact that "pretty" people are always responded to in a different manner. I don't necessarily think this is a good thing, just different.

[RawHealthyBeauty]

True beauty comes from a place of love.

[Aleesha Sattva]

True beauty comes from a place of love.

YES!!! Yes Yes!

[Stina]

I've personally risen above it. I work with the elderly and I'm constantly amazed at how much beauty I see in them. I don't tell them anymore though, it makes them uncomfortably self conscious. Instead I express the love I feel for them and they feel that and appreciate it.

It's not pessimistic, just realistic to observe that we live in a image obsessed society. I lurk at another raw food forum that recently put Alissa Cohen on their list of fat people. Yep......that's absurd. I think she has the ideal physique with curves and strength. That kind of thinking is why I lurk there and not participate.

[EternityRider]

True beauty comes from a place of love.

I like it! I like it!

[EternityRider]

I lurk at another raw food forum that recently put Alissa Cohen on their list of fat people. Yep......that's absurd.

It is. It always amazes me that folks make bodily purity such a HUGE issue, while having absolutely no problem with the extremely toxic, poisonous-to-the-spirit hate, anger, intense bitterness and cruel ridicule they so freely indulge in.

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die.

[klomasius]

I've personally risen above it. I work with the elderly and I'm constantly amazed at how much beauty I see in them. I don't tell them anymore though, it makes them uncomfortably self conscious. Instead I express the love I feel for them and they feel that and appreciate it.

It's not pessimistic, just realistic to observe that we live in a image obsessed society. I lurk at another raw food forum that recently put Alissa Cohen on their list of fat people. Yep......that's absurd. I think she has the ideal physique with curves and strength. That kind of thinking is why I lurk there and not participate.

Stina, you are SO RIGHT!!!

It never ceases to amaze me that a certain segment of the raw food population can be so darn shallow and judgmental. I often wonder at the state of mind that allows someone to think that physical perfection is so much more important than evolving one's mind and attitude. Both are important, but if I had to pick one over the other, I'd definitely choose having a better attitude and outlook on life.

The way I see it, those who focus on the negative (i.e. always bagging others) are looking back down the path into the past. Those who concentrate on the positives are looking down the path into the future, to where we should be going, not where we came from.

I can't help but wonder what it is that these people feel is lacking in their lives that they have to concentrate SO HARD on the negatives and not move on and be positive examples.

I, like you, see beauty on almost everything, I can't think of a single person I know of that doesn't have something beautiful about them. I adore the fact that this is where my mind has evolved to, this wasn't always the case, I used to be a very negative, sarcastic person (now I only pretend to be, inside it's all mushy and hippy and flowery).

Thanks for being so loving to the people you work with. Big hugs to you!!!!!

[Dimond]

I'm also one for seeing beauty that others can't. I never make a decision purely on someone's appearance. I think that's ridiculous and unfortunate for everyone when people do that. I've known some amazing people that are overweight. What's funny is how people view a beautiful appearance as an accomplishment to be awed over. It's meaningless. The world is basically deciding whether someone is worthy or not based on nothing and it's sad.

[somelikeitraw]

Replying without having time to read all of the previous replies -

My mother was 5'10" and weighed 400+ pounds my entire life. She had a very high opinion of herself, was very well educated, had a good heart and usually treated people well. I say usually because if one started off on the wrong foot with her, look out. One day she and I were swimming in a river and when we got out and walked up on the shore there were some kids playing near their parents. The kids stopped and watched my mom and me walk by. One of them pointed at her and said very loudly "look at that fat lady!", the kids all laughed loudly and the parents just sort of snickered under their breath, you could see them shake even though they didn't laugh out loud. My mom, without missing a beat, turned to the parents and said very loudly to me, without pointing," Wow, Holl, look at that incredibly rude child!" Things like this happened more often than I would like to remember. She always made like it didn't matter but there were times when her armor came off and her tears soaked my understanding shoulders.

When I was in grade school some kids wanted to know if I was adopted because my mom was so fat and I was so skinny. They actually asked me that in so many words. One even shut me out when I said I wasn't adopted. There were jokes of how I was going to get fat too. In high school I made some friends that looked past the outside of my mom and they would ask her to movies with us and include her in some of things we were doing.

If she wore nicer clothes she was accepted better by adults but the younger kids were just downright mean.

In my own experiences, when I was skinny I was treated better. Then I grew up, had a baby, put on weight and people didn't treat me the same way. Even my own family. Being raw has helped me release over 70 pounds and I am finding that people are again treating me in a nicer way. There have always been some people that see past the outside and have treated me with love and respect no matter what I weighed. However, even my own father has issues with my weight. He keeps telling me how proud of me he is that I lost so much weight. While it feels good for him to be proud of me, I can't help thinking that I wish he was proud because I am a good person, a good mom, a good daughter, a kind hearted, compassionate being that makes the world a better place simply by living.

I believe that some people will always see the outside, the package, of others and will judge them and in so doing deprive themselves of getting to know some really wonderful people. I also believe that there will always be other folks who don't see the package, they see the person.

I do know that if I am having a rough day and not very pleased with myself for some reason, others feel it and treat me accordingly. Likewise, if I feel good others feel it and treat me better than on my off days.

My answer is that there is no way to change what is outside of you. I don't mean your body/package, I mean we each can only change ourselves. I can only change me and the way I look at things/react to things. No matter how much we want to not care what others think, it seems to really matter. It's a human thing. We want to be loved, accepted and appreciated. Just as we are. Just because we live.

Even in the book Eating For Beauty by David Wolfe studies are sited that have shown that beauty makes a difference. Do we oooo and ahhh over the dull mousy brown moth or the monarch butterfly?

[klomasius]

Somelikeitraw, you said it all... well said, well said. :)

[Aleesha Sattva]

However, even my own father has issues with my weight. He keeps telling me how proud of me he is that I lost so much weight. While it feels good for him to be proud of me, I can't help thinking that I wish he was proud because I am a good person, a good mom, a good daughter, a kind hearted, compassionate being that makes the world a better place simply by living.

Couldn't he also be proud of you for those things but in this moment he's sharing that he's proud of what you've achieved?

My family, friends, etc often tell me how proud they are of me for releasing 170 pounds... but I don't take it to mean that they aren't proud of my many other achievements and attributes in this life. It's just what they are commenting on in that moment.

Going back to the conversation at hand...

I think that if your focus is on your weight or the weight of others you will see discrimination moreso than someone who does not focus on those aspects. For example: someone with brown hair may feel that blondes get more attention. Someone with short legs may feel people with longer legs get more whistles at the beach...

[lovenlife]

I agree with raw knitster of drawing people to you.
I also think that people treat attractive people better.,,sad but true.

[healthywealthy]

its your energy
everything is energy
the higher the energy within
the higher the energy without.

[Amii]

All I know is that my last two bosses were morbidly obese, and BOTH of them at one point bitterly said to me "With what I eat I should be as slim as you".. both said this whilst stuffing down cake. True story.

Denial of the highest order! I've noticed a lot of large people going out of their way to blast thinner people, saying that they look "unhealthy" and anorexic.. as if fat people don't look unhealthy?!? Trying to convince themselves that thin people are too thin. I've only ever had negative treatment off large people for being thinner.

An obese person said to me once "God your arms are so thin, what's wrong with you, don't you ever eat?" I smiled at her and said "My arms are only thin in comparison to yours." and walked off. Her expression was hilarious.

Others have said "Dear God do you EVER stop eating?? How is it you aren't huge?" And I've said "You know, because I'm still eating healthily and in tiny portions, unlike some."

Hey, if they bite I'll bite right back. Some people have no shame.. myself included ;)

[climbing]

I honestly don't notice other people's weight very much. It's more the overall energy of the person, and no, I have never felt hateful toward an overweight person. The most I've ever felt, when seeing someone who is severely and dangerously obese, is a lot of sadness and empathy for their condition. It doesn't come from a place of physical beauty *who cares* but more because I know they will likely die from that condition if they don't change it.

As for myself... well I have always been thin. Underweight for a period of my life and very unhealthy looking as I had gluten intolerance and didn't know it, and was not absorbing food properly for most of my life. I can't really relate to the overweight thing since I never was BUT I can relate to being treated different because of my appearance.

When I was young I was actually harassed (and I am not exaggerating using that word) for being too thin. This went on for years. Other girls at school were quite brutal to me, always laughing at me, making comments about how I probably threw up my food after lunch, a few of them even tried to corner me and threatened physical harm to me because they claimed "looking at me was disgusting". I would walk by and hear snickering as girls compared my legs to a pole in the auditorium.

My gluten intolerance also caused depression/anxiety issues so all this together was what lead me to attempt suicide at a young age and then be put into the mental health system and drugged up on an assortment of unpleasant meds for the following decade (I wrote about this in another thread too)...

I will never understand the way I was treated in school by other girls, I guess you can just sum it up with the whole "kids are cruel" thing... It wasn't like it was just me, the fat kids got it too... anyone got it for any reason that the bullies could find. But the pain these kids put me through was unimaginable. It wasn't just one or two bullies either... it was a lot of girls I went to school with.