From a mans perspective I can tell you that many times my friends and I have had this conversation about women. We always agree that confidence and attitude is the driving factor for us. If a women is thin or heavy, for the most part, it doesn't matter. The right kind of attitude on a heavy women is much more sexy than a skinny women with no self confidence.
Having said this I mucst say that I went from skinny to fat and my confidence changed a little. As a business owner my success depends on my ability to have confidence because customers can sense this immediatelly. I'm a very confident person but I've always felt like I let myself down by not eating right and people can sense this as well.
So yeah, I think people do treat you different but not because of weight alone, but rather a combination of weight and confidence.
Interesting topic. I've always had compassion for everybody in all walks of life and I have made another observation as well. The person who treats people differnet because of weight has much larger issues with life than any over weight person could ever have. All we have in life is each other and in some weird way we are all related, I couldn't imagine treating somebody different or poorly because of a number.
My vibration has definately shifted, strangers will talk to me now for no reason. They'll just start talking lol. Another example is I get stopped a lot more now and asked for directions whereas before hardly ever...bizzare. So as some posters have said I think it is more that your vibration is nicer to interact with and safer to interact with.
Last edited by kaleboy; 02-19-2011 at 04:03 AM.
This is an older blog - but wow what a great thread! All the responses were so interesting and filled with all the subtle shades of truth.
For me .. it's a combination of almost all the responses! I grew up with parents that were all about 'outward appearances'. To be anything less than perfect (in their eyes) meant I was not 'good enough' or worthy of kindness or love. It was a painful existence because frankly I am sooo far from perfect - the battle was lost before it started! lol!
After gaining weight - I noticed my confidence took a dive and as a result - people treated me differently. Lately - I've been trying to 'find myself'... find the beauty in the mirror. I've come to realize that gaining weight has actually been a good thing for me because it woke me up .. made me realize my worth is within not without. So - I began to dress nicely again and stand up inside and go figure - people began treating me differently too.
I have always looked at large women with amazing confidence and I would admire them, their beauty - how they carried themselves and how the way they acted demanded respect from others... not begging for a morsel of kindness or consideration. That is beautiful and amazing big or small ...!
but it is true that there will always be those no matter what - that will judge strictly by appearance alone and those people are sad individuals indeed.
great thread... !
Uh huh! And they will judge no matter whether one is larger or smaller. It's what people do to make themselves feel better and take the focus off themselves. Exactly what we chatted about in class this morning.
Originally Posted by StarFire
I would say people are nicer to thin people, esp in the pacific northwest. After the birth of my first son I had gained so much weight I was 260 lbs. i constantly recieved dirty looks from people to the point that I couldnt even eat at restaurants. I also had people yelling insults at me from their cars like "cow" fat a$$" etc. then when I lost 125 lbs suddenly people were talking to me, men would open doors, paid attention to me etc. there was a huge difference and it most certainly was not in my head.
id say here in the midwest there is definitely a lot more fat acceptance
I totally don't care about the weight of a person I'm interacting with, I just want them to be nice. One, thing I don't get is why fat people are getting picked on when they are actually in the majority, you'd think people would be used to it.
As far as sexuality though, I think I read somewhere that we are hardwired to look for a thin mate because fertility is affected by weight problems and thin people are the most fertile. Just like a healthy young person doesn't find an old person attractive (usually) because old people aren't fertile either.
Last edited by rawmiss; 09-02-2011 at 09:55 PM.
Totally great read, I agree!
I also was taught about the baby study where babies responded more positively to beauty. In fact, I was one of those babies. From the I first saw my uncle at six months old I went completely hysterical. I Screamed everytime I looked at him!! For Years I continued to do this. Now he was a naturally more shy kind of person.....but the nicest, most wonderful soul you'd ever meet. (I only know this after Years of slowly getting to know him)....literally even at 14 I was still having a hard time. I remeber around 25 fully realizing what a Great person he was and feeling a bit sad that I had missed out on him all those years.
No I didn't react to all less than beautiful people this way....but perhaps we do overcome our very first instincts and that these people often help us with their own confidence and friendliness. It's sad that they have to work for it....and that beautiful people seem more automatically granted this.
Of ourse many of us do overcome this primal instinctand treat people more equally and optimistically. Especially after they've been burned by some beautiful people, lol.
I have seen many beautiful obese people and many thn people who are not though so I'm not sure how much it has to do with weight....although many people do look much better if they are in half-decent shape.
As for the original posters family....I have had the exact same experience with mine. I'm wondering if it's some unconscious attempt to 'ignore the behaviour they want to go away'....as in they know you can be a better you and are trying to socially ostracize that into happening.
...It could be a confidence thing....but it could very well be a 'them not being enlightened' thing as well.
Last edited by Bananna; 09-02-2011 at 11:14 PM.
Also interesting....it has been scientifically proven that people trust people with brown eyes more than blue eyes. ...This may be related to social conditioning somewhat however, as none of the participants were babies. ;)
I don't know about just skinny vs fat but people definitely treat you differently if you're considered more attractive.
When I was younger I was plump, had bad skin and quite a few bad hair cuts and was a bit of an ugly duckling. When I got older my body evened out, I lost weight, I cleared up my skin, I wore much more flattering clothes and became exceptionally good as cutting/dying and styling hair for an amateur. As I became more attractive people definitely treated me differently.
It would be completely naive to say this reaction was imagined. While of course I feel different and more confident I would say that how I look has been a bigger factor in the change than how I feel. People treat me completely differently. A lot more people try to talk to me or be friends with me, people are generally nicer to me. Men particularly.
There a plenty of people who are shallow and plenty of people who have formed opinions on people that are deemed pretty or hold some bitterness against them. I've had people actually confess to me that when they first met me they assumed I was "one of those pretty girls" their words. They thought I was going to be shallow, careless and dumb. A lot of people while getting to know me have said that I'm not how they expected from my appearance. I've had people be outright mean to me, normally women. I've been hired for jobs then later heard that a large factor was my appearance.
It's not right and it's not fair but it's most definitely true for many people.
If your weight makes people deem you attractive or unattractive then it's going to be a large factor in this too.
I think a lot of it boils down to how we view ourselves and how we project that view of ourselves onto others. It's a large part of the answer but probably not the whole of it.
I never had weight issue and always look ok physically. When i was younger and prettier, i didn't get always a good service only because i feel that I have like that sign on my head, "you can walk all over me and take advantage of me". I didn't think that i deserved to be treated good, so i attracted these experiences. Once i figured that one out, i did a lot of inner work. Now, i feel good about myself, i know that i deserve to be treated good and i love interacting with others. I think people can sense that. Sometime other people just have a bad day and this is nothing to do with you. It just is.
All is well
Blessings and love
-Raw Angel Mom
“Never be afraid of loving the Blessed Virgin too much. You can never love her more than Jesus did.”
– Saint Maximilian Kolbe
ps: I was a lost sheep and i returned to the Catholic Faith. Please kindly discern any spiritual guidance by myself prior to October 1, 2012.
I don't know. I get treated better when I wear something sweet & innocent & simple. Even though I am not conciously trying to project anything. If anything, I hate what I am wearing (I like to look edgey and fashionable).
I'd rather be treated badly for being myself and dressing how I like to dress and being outspoken about the things I believe in than treated well for acting like something I'm not.
There are always people who'll like you and there are always people who'll hate you no matter what you look like, how you dress and how you behave because everyone is different. You can never please everyone so you might as well please yourself and find people who love you for who you are.
Wistful and pale at twenty and four. Delivering daisies.
You can call me Pansy. ♥
Really interesting thread, everyone. I've pondered this on more than one occasion, as well.
I've been through both sides - very thin as a child, a very long awkward phase (11 years to about 19 years old) in which I was still thin but hadn't grown into my nose, my hair looked like a bush, etc.
When I grew into my face and learned some new styling techniques, I started getting noticed by men. Inside, I guess I still feel average, though I have wonderful people in my life who have told me, very seriously, that I'm beautiful. It doesn't really matter, I guess - my self image was formed when I was in my awkward stage, so I value my physical attributes far less than my other attributes.
For instance, I always recieve excellent service when out and about because I'm exceptionally nice and friendly to everyone. I look waiters in the eye and smile. Same with sales reps in stores, rack people in changing rooms, etc. I'm also very friendly on the phone. This attitude has led to people just giving me discounts and free food on a pretty regular basis! All because I treat them like human beings.
Now, it would be dishonest to say that I don't have certain thoughts while seeing over-weight or obese people around me. When I was younger, I judged. Then when I started putting on weight, I judged far less. Now, when I see people struggling with their health, I get angry.
I'm furious with everything to do with the system:
- the Big Food industry here in the states that contols the pricing and availability of fresh foods vs. low fat/low carb/ low sugar processed crap, making the former much more expensive than the latter.
- the medical system which isn't training doctors who can use their brains so much as make money for insurance companies.
- the vast body of nutritional research, which still espouses the same "research" it did 50 years ago.
- the whole mantra that you MUST work out HARD every day in order to maintain your weight, and that exercise is more important than what you eat.
When I see people struggling, I know it's because they are so overwhelmed with confusing and false information. It's such a blessing that I found raw food, and I want so much to tell others about it - but their lives and their journeys are often very private. I'll share information with anyone who shows an iota of interest, but otherwise, I won't even raise an issue which may be very sensitive to them.
And what infuriates me most, is when I see very young children who are already morbidly obese and already have a slew of health problems. Because there is absolutely no need for it.