Are People NICER To You When You Are Skinny?

[EternityRider]

Do people seem nicer to you when you're skinny? Do they tend to treat slender people better? Have you yourself ever found yourself looking at a really fat person with disdain? Such a temptation is only human, and we are not above human experience. Well, most of us, lol.

This question has crossed my mind a few times. I thought it would be interesting to see what others' impressions are? Experiences too?

Some say it's more "in your own head", how you feel about yourself, how you behave. ("How you behave" as being based on your own sense of worth or dignity, and because of that, you'll have higher expectations for yourself.) They say that others pick up on how you feel about yourself, and react accordingly. In other words, based on your own demeanor, good or poor, others will treat you the same as you project yourself. I think this is partially true. Others still have their choices, their attitudes, independent of how you affect them.

One obvious aspect to all this, is that of being attractive - a natural gift. I think it is safe to say that slender people are generally seen to be more attractive.

Then, it was wise Solomon who said, "He who neglects discipline despises himself". And so, it stands to reason that if one grows in discipline, that person will not despise himself/herself. (PLEASE do not despise yourself, regardless!!! It's not about that!)

But, do others despise an overweight person? At least subconsciously? We don't mean ALL people, of course. But, what is the general tendency?

Sure, there are some beautiful philosophical life-outlooks like "You're only pretty as you feel", "It's the heart that counts", "Never judge a book by its cover", etc. And there's something to be appreciated in such statements. But, how many folks have this attitude - in the real world?

Then comes a good question -- "Should I really care what others think about me?"

Maybe someone could explain this better, in psychological terms.. but my own sense is...

If what another thinks (negatively of me) can be handled in a way that is constructive and profitable for me, then by all means, I should care.

Kind of like "Don't get bitter, get better".

But, if someone cannot handle what others think at all - like "this whole thing is just too much of a bummer.. I cannot turn it around" -- then it would only be self-destructive to pay too much attention to what others say, think or do. And self-destruction is to be avoided at all costs.

I don't normally think of myself as overweight. I guess cuz in my mind, I'm still my skinny old self.

Mirrors lie. Cameras don't.

I've added some heft over the years, and I don't carry it well. Some folks look like a pear, others like an apple.. where most of it goes to the middle... then the torso.... then the face. Well, I'm the apple. And I can gain weight just by looking at a picture of food.

Or there's a "fat meeting" going on in town, and my body's the Convention Center.

I know my wife loves me, even with the unneeded love handles and extra wedding ring. We've talked about it now & then. And even though she loves me all the same, she would certainly delight in me more, to have back the slender husband of her youth.

I wanna be hubby, not flubby.

Also, I've noticed over the years that some of the relatives don't seem very nice to me anymore. (And I try very hard not to trip.. not to concoct things in my own mind.. if you know what I mean. And I've reached out to them, to overcome this kind of feeling.. to make sure it wasn't just my imagination. But after years of this, I still can't help the feeling -- it's NOT just my imagination.) It's gotten to where I don't even like to go to holiday get-togethers anymore.

That is, not until I've done my Rocky Balboa number and whipped myself back into shape. Can you hear the music? (Rocky theme plays in background. Lol.)

OK, maybe this sounds like buying others' acceptance, based on performance. I don't mean it as such. And, I don't think this is guilt or shame-based. I'm really doing this for myself, as a matter of self-respect.. for all the right reasons. I'm seeking that constructive response!

Does that make any sense?

[sport]

I think that it is all in your own mind.
I know someone who claims that she is treated better by the staff in the bank when she wears her good jewellery. I find that attitude a little sad and unbelievable. I do not have good jewellery and believe that you are treated better in the bank if you treat them better.
You get back what you give.
If wearing her good jewellery makes her feel better about herself then maybe she will treat them better as a result and it will come back at her.
If being thin makes you feel better then the same will happen.

[EternityRider]

I think that it is all in your own mind..
You get back what you give.
If wearing her good jewelery makes her feel better about herself then maybe she will treat them better as a result and it will come back at her.
If being thin makes you feel better then the same will happen.

Sport, thank you for your response. I like the point that you make, that the impression you leave on others is largely shaped by your own perception, and projection.

But, how can this be entirely so? People are still people, with free will, and not all of them are the same. Some choose to respond positively and maturely. (Maybe most of them, in the scenario you describe.) Others do not respond favorably. Indeed, they can be influenced by one's persona, demeanor and general vibe. But where do you get a guaranteed outcome, in all cases, that you can control?

Are you sure it's purely a matter of "all in your own mind"?
Is this the entire truth?

[sport]

But I think that we can overcome the personal bias of others by what we project.
Examples are the man that is in the news the past two days that is described as "the homeless man with the golden voice"
Another example is Susan Boyle in that first appearance on television.

[EternityRider]

But I think that we can overcome the personal bias of others by what we project.

Sport - I appreciate your insight. Yet the burden of the original question was to seek a solution to a problem - that is outside oneself.

Not to make the problem purely a product of oneself.

If a person projects a truly good image of himself, and another has a very bad attitude and perceives all things negatively, with whom does the shortcoming lie?

Sincere Blessings

[Aleesha Sattva]

i have a friend who says that if she goes into town and isn't dressed really nicely she never gets good service. when she told me that i laughed. at that time i was 300 pounds and dressed horribly all the time. i always got great service. made friends with everyone i met.

i haven't found a change at all since getting thin. i find i still get the same great service.

so i think it's more in how you treat others than in how thin you are, how you dress etc.

[Amii]

All I know is that my last two bosses were morbidly obese, and BOTH of them at one point bitterly said to me "With what I eat I should be as slim as you".. both said this whilst stuffing down cake. True story.

Denial of the highest order! I've noticed a lot of large people going out of their way to blast thinner people, saying that they look "unhealthy" and anorexic.. as if fat people don't look unhealthy?!? Trying to convince themselves that thin people are too thin. I've only ever had negative treatment off large people for being thinner.

An obese person said to me once "God your arms are so thin, what's wrong with you, don't you ever eat?" I smiled at her and said "My arms are only thin in comparison to yours." and walked off. Her expression was hilarious.

Others have said "Dear God do you EVER stop eating?? How is it you aren't huge?" And I've said "You know, because I'm still eating healthily and in tiny portions, unlike some."

Hey, if they bite I'll bite right back. Some people have no shame.. myself included ;)

[climbing]

I honestly don't notice other people's weight very much. It's more the overall energy of the person, and no, I have never felt hateful toward an overweight person. The most I've ever felt, when seeing someone who is severely and dangerously obese, is a lot of sadness and empathy for their condition. It doesn't come from a place of physical beauty *who cares* but more because I know they will likely die from that condition if they don't change it.

As for myself... well I have always been thin. Underweight for a period of my life and very unhealthy looking as I had gluten intolerance and didn't know it, and was not absorbing food properly for most of my life. I can't really relate to the overweight thing since I never was BUT I can relate to being treated different because of my appearance.

When I was young I was actually harassed (and I am not exaggerating using that word) for being too thin. This went on for years. Other girls at school were quite brutal to me, always laughing at me, making comments about how I probably threw up my food after lunch, a few of them even tried to corner me and threatened physical harm to me because they claimed "looking at me was disgusting". I would walk by and hear snickering as girls compared my legs to a pole in the auditorium.

My gluten intolerance also caused depression/anxiety issues so all this together was what lead me to attempt suicide at a young age and then be put into the mental health system and drugged up on an assortment of unpleasant meds for the following decade (I wrote about this in another thread too)...

I will never understand the way I was treated in school by other girls, I guess you can just sum it up with the whole "kids are cruel" thing... It wasn't like it was just me, the fat kids got it too... anyone got it for any reason that the bullies could find. But the pain these kids put me through was unimaginable. It wasn't just one or two bullies either... it was a lot of girls I went to school with.

[Biplane pilot]

From a mans perspective I can tell you that many times my friends and I have had this conversation about women. We always agree that confidence and attitude is the driving factor for us. If a women is thin or heavy, for the most part, it doesn't matter. The right kind of attitude on a heavy women is much more sexy than a skinny women with no self confidence.

Having said this I mucst say that I went from skinny to fat and my confidence changed a little. As a business owner my success depends on my ability to have confidence because customers can sense this immediatelly. I'm a very confident person but I've always felt like I let myself down by not eating right and people can sense this as well.

So yeah, I think people do treat you different but not because of weight alone, but rather a combination of weight and confidence.

Interesting topic. I've always had compassion for everybody in all walks of life and I have made another observation as well. The person who treats people differnet because of weight has much larger issues with life than any over weight person could ever have. All we have in life is each other and in some weird way we are all related, I couldn't imagine treating somebody different or poorly because of a number.

Mike

[MysticTree]

I think a lot of it boils down to how we view ourselves and how we project that view of ourselves onto others. It's a large part of the answer but probably not the whole of it.