Are People NICER To You When You Are Skinny?

[EternityRider]

Do people seem nicer to you when you're skinny? Do they tend to treat slender people better? Have you yourself ever found yourself looking at a really fat person with disdain? Such a temptation is only human, and we are not above human experience. Well, most of us, lol.

This question has crossed my mind a few times. I thought it would be interesting to see what others' impressions are? Experiences too?

Some say it's more "in your own head", how you feel about yourself, how you behave. ("How you behave" as being based on your own sense of worth or dignity, and because of that, you'll have higher expectations for yourself.) They say that others pick up on how you feel about yourself, and react accordingly. In other words, based on your own demeanor, good or poor, others will treat you the same as you project yourself. I think this is partially true. Others still have their choices, their attitudes, independent of how you affect them.

One obvious aspect to all this, is that of being attractive - a natural gift. I think it is safe to say that slender people are generally seen to be more attractive.

Then, it was wise Solomon who said, "He who neglects discipline despises himself". And so, it stands to reason that if one grows in discipline, that person will not despise himself/herself. (PLEASE do not despise yourself, regardless!!! It's not about that!)

But, do others despise an overweight person? At least subconsciously? We don't mean ALL people, of course. But, what is the general tendency?

Sure, there are some beautiful philosophical life-outlooks like "You're only pretty as you feel", "It's the heart that counts", "Never judge a book by its cover", etc. And there's something to be appreciated in such statements. But, how many folks have this attitude - in the real world?

Then comes a good question -- "Should I really care what others think about me?"

Maybe someone could explain this better, in psychological terms.. but my own sense is...

If what another thinks (negatively of me) can be handled in a way that is constructive and profitable for me, then by all means, I should care.

Kind of like "Don't get bitter, get better".

But, if someone cannot handle what others think at all - like "this whole thing is just too much of a bummer.. I cannot turn it around" -- then it would only be self-destructive to pay too much attention to what others say, think or do. And self-destruction is to be avoided at all costs.

I don't normally think of myself as overweight. I guess cuz in my mind, I'm still my skinny old self.

Mirrors lie. Cameras don't.

I've added some heft over the years, and I don't carry it well. Some folks look like a pear, others like an apple.. where most of it goes to the middle... then the torso.... then the face. Well, I'm the apple. And I can gain weight just by looking at a picture of food.

Or there's a "fat meeting" going on in town, and my body's the Convention Center.

I know my wife loves me, even with the unneeded love handles and extra wedding ring. We've talked about it now & then. And even though she loves me all the same, she would certainly delight in me more, to have back the slender husband of her youth.

I wanna be hubby, not flubby.

Also, I've noticed over the years that some of the relatives don't seem very nice to me anymore. (And I try very hard not to trip.. not to concoct things in my own mind.. if you know what I mean. And I've reached out to them, to overcome this kind of feeling.. to make sure it wasn't just my imagination. But after years of this, I still can't help the feeling -- it's NOT just my imagination.) It's gotten to where I don't even like to go to holiday get-togethers anymore.

That is, not until I've done my Rocky Balboa number and whipped myself back into shape. Can you hear the music? (Rocky theme plays in background. Lol.)

OK, maybe this sounds like buying others' acceptance, based on performance. I don't mean it as such. And, I don't think this is guilt or shame-based. I'm really doing this for myself, as a matter of self-respect.. for all the right reasons. I'm seeking that constructive response!

Does that make any sense?

[sport]

I think that it is all in your own mind.
I know someone who claims that she is treated better by the staff in the bank when she wears her good jewellery. I find that attitude a little sad and unbelievable. I do not have good jewellery and believe that you are treated better in the bank if you treat them better.
You get back what you give.
If wearing her good jewellery makes her feel better about herself then maybe she will treat them better as a result and it will come back at her.
If being thin makes you feel better then the same will happen.

[EternityRider]

I think that it is all in your own mind..
You get back what you give.
If wearing her good jewelery makes her feel better about herself then maybe she will treat them better as a result and it will come back at her.
If being thin makes you feel better then the same will happen.

Sport, thank you for your response. I like the point that you make, that the impression you leave on others is largely shaped by your own perception, and projection.

But, how can this be entirely so? People are still people, with free will, and not all of them are the same. Some choose to respond positively and maturely. (Maybe most of them, in the scenario you describe.) Others do not respond favorably. Indeed, they can be influenced by one's persona, demeanor and general vibe. But where do you get a guaranteed outcome, in all cases, that you can control?

Are you sure it's purely a matter of "all in your own mind"?
Is this the entire truth?

[sport]

But I think that we can overcome the personal bias of others by what we project.
Examples are the man that is in the news the past two days that is described as "the homeless man with the golden voice"
Another example is Susan Boyle in that first appearance on television.

[EternityRider]

But I think that we can overcome the personal bias of others by what we project.

Sport - I appreciate your insight. Yet the burden of the original question was to seek a solution to a problem - that is outside oneself.

Not to make the problem purely a product of oneself.

If a person projects a truly good image of himself, and another has a very bad attitude and perceives all things negatively, with whom does the shortcoming lie?

Sincere Blessings

[Aleesha Sattva]

i have a friend who says that if she goes into town and isn't dressed really nicely she never gets good service. when she told me that i laughed. at that time i was 300 pounds and dressed horribly all the time. i always got great service. made friends with everyone i met.

i haven't found a change at all since getting thin. i find i still get the same great service.

so i think it's more in how you treat others than in how thin you are, how you dress etc.

[EternityRider]

i have a friend who says that if she goes into town and isn't dressed really nicely she never gets good service. when she told me that i laughed. at that time i was 300 pounds and dressed horribly all the time. i always got great service. made friends with everyone i met.

Thanks for your reply, Aleesha. 300 pounds!?? I didn't know. Now you're a skinny Minnie. What an amazing testimony you have!!! :)

[Stina]

Naomi Wolfe wrote on this general subject, a book called The Beauty Myth. Sorry, its been proven scientifically over and over again that people project positive attributes to attractive people and vice versa. I've especially observed this in the work place. I'm careful to not buy into it and rise above it. The other end of it is to not end up getting socially conditioned by it.

[nadien alexandra]

I agree that it is really what you project out into the world. You let out a particular vibration and that vibration reverberates.

the slender thing... perhaps you have some internal discomfort with your appearance as a fatty and you project this discomfort, unhappiness, un-self-confidence, out into the world. You receive this back from the world. When you don't like you, no one will have reason to like you either.
You tell the world (without verbalizing, as this is not necessary, just popular, as a means of communication) that you are nothing to look at and appreciate, and so no one looks at you as something to appreciate!

EDIT:

I think when someone appears more physically attractive, subconsciously, you are SEEING an attractive body/mind spirit. When someone loves themselves, you can SEE it on the physical plane, and it looks very physically attractive.

[EternityRider]

Naomi Wolfe wrote on this general subject, a book called The Beauty Myth. Sorry, its been proven scientifically over and over again that people project positive attributes to attractive people and vice versa.

Hi Stina - I have long believed that the concept or "standard" of beauty has become a cruel oppression upon women, both for those compelled to live by it via the media, and to those the media compels to model it. I think this applies to men too, although women have been far more exploited. This aspect, I never even thought of, when I raised the question.

[Aleesha Sattva]

stina i hear you but i think it's the individual. some individuals look at the outer appearance of people... other's look to the softness of their eyes and speech. i'm one of the latter.

i don't judge people on how they look instead i look at how they walk their talk... if they do i respect and admire them. if they don't... i simply turn the other way and look for someone who does.

i honestly wasn't treated poorly as an obese woman. my hubby and son didn't even realize i was that overweight. they didn't see me like that. i guess it's because i didn't see myself like that either. i saw myself as an enlightened being who was shining her light. not as a fat woman living in this world.

great conversation brother bear!

[RawHealthyBeauty]

Well.......ever since I've been eating raw food......alot of my perspective have changed.....

I really don't think any of us were meant to be overweight now that I know what the wonders of raw food can do for the body.

Before raw food, I just thought that being overweight was just something that seem to be somewhat unavoidable and normal to some extent (now I know that is the unnatural fattening chemicals/substances in processed/cooked food these days going back to the late eighties for me. I rarely overeat/binge and exercise all the time) and the media hanging the concept of having a slender perfect body in front of my nose seemed out of reach no matter how hard or how much I tried.

Then raw food came across my path......I went from a junior size 11-9 to junior size 3-1. I'm doing P90X which is achieving the goal that I had for so long to have a cute energetic fit body no matter what age I am.

I like feeling good about me and I do it for me.

The point is that with raw food, beauty does not feel like a cruel oppression, but it certainly did felt like it on SAD food.

People treat me pretty much the same now and then, except with the curiosity/wonders of how did I do it to look so good!!

To answer your question, I believe it has a lot to do with how one feel about the self that either attracts the positive attention or the negative attention along with how we treat others.

[RawKnitster]

There was a time when I first went raw and started losing weight that I thought people were paying more attention to me. I quickly realized it had nothing to do them and everything to do with how I put myself out there. It is about how bright we are shining, which for me has everything to do with how happy I am with my food choices and the vibrations and magnetisim I absorb from the raw foods I eat.

Eating raw will expand our consciousness, increase our vibration and our magnetic field, which draws people to us.

Here is a quote from David Wolfe which describes it best: "Your mind is a living magnet. You draw people, things, and circumstances into your life in harmony with your dominant thoughts and desires. The Law of Attraction demonstrates that you will experience whatever you hold in your conscious mind long enough and deeply enough. The more intensity you attach to your thoughts, the quicker that desire becomes a reality."

[klomasius]

I definitely think it's a mixture of both.

People DO get treated differently, even if they have the most positive attitude. Sexual dynamics are different, levels of attractiveness are different (not just measured on appearance but on other chemical biological cues that change with excess weight), it's keyed into our genes and has a lot to do with how we assess health (which is a good way to assess the ability of an individual to a) produce offspring and b) be alive to raise these offspring to breeding age). This is mainly to do with interactions between people of the opposite sex, but to a lesser extent people of the same sex.

I'm not sure about the 'nice or not' bit, I think that might be more to do with society's attitude toward overweight people, but I'd say there'd still be those underlying biological cues.

Attitude does have a significant impact on the way we interact with the outside world, and we can significantly increase our number of overall positive interactions with the outside world (or lower them) with a change in attitude (which encompasses the assessment of self worth).

Upon saying that though, it's not just our attitude, but the attitude of others around us that shape our daily world interactions, and for someone who has been overweight all their lives (different from someone who hasn't been and has put on weight after being normal weight) this shapes their very personalities from a young age.

My own personal experience is in line with the research on this topic. I put on a massive amount of weight after the birth of my son, and peope treated me very differently. Men literally ignored me. Even without my baby, on my own , all the cues I had from men beforehand were not there and there was a distinct difference in my interactions with people due to my weight. I was quite astounded, as I had been around normal body weight, if a little over sometimes.

I lived for about a year in the body of an overweight person and the world was vastly different for me.

[EternityRider]

I definitely think it's a mixture of both.

Oh, I don't feel all alone now.
(didn't anyway. :-)

In the world of science and Mind Science, physics and Metaphysics, both of these realities are observed. Much that has been expressed here clearly reflects a more metaphysical vantage point.

("Mind over matter", "cause & effect", "It's a thought world" -- all that exists is but an out-picturing of thought.. "There is no life, truth, intelligence, nor substance in matter. All is infinite Mind, and its infinite manifestation...")

Existentialism also comes into play (a fascinating and varied-meaning word.)

All that to say.. this has been very insightful. As another student of life, I find there is so much to learn. And I think that folks here do want to take individual responsibility for their inner state, their actions, their outlook on life, rather than blameshift it all on others.

Again, thanks everyone for your heartfelt responses! :)