How to convince your toddler to stay raw?

[Anais]

Our daughter has been 100% raw since birth, and is thriving. She recently turned 3, and also switched from daycare to preschool. That means not only 3 other babies eating cooked food, but 20 other toddlers eating cooked food. Our daughter got very interested in cooked food. She has always shown interest, but we committed the innocent "mistake" of telling her that once she was big she could eat cooked. Now, since they use that "you are a big girl now"-thing at preschool, she has decided she is big and asked for cooked food. I have given in some times in the last weeks at other people's houses, and last weekend we even went to Wholefoods, and she had vegan pizza with her dad (who is still eating cooked once in a while at home). The results were always that she didn't want to eat fruit at all for some days, and only went back to it after starving for some time.

So how do you deal with that "I don't want to be different from anybody else"-feeling of your toddler and the emotional suffering that comes from being so different? Any advise? I would hate to give in, but I'm more heartbroken at seeing her suffer so much. After all the cooked food at Whole Foods, the next day she had a nasty cough so I told her that was from the cooked food. I could see how that hurt her, but she told me she would not eat cooked again, she did that to please me. She keeps being very picky about food, and only eats 1-2 disches, so I think it will probably be much easier for us to get some nutrition into her on a cooked vegan, than on raw vegan, if she keeps refusing to eat the variety I am offering.

Any advise would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Anais

[spicyfull]

Don't you wish you could keep them in a Bubble. She has entered The New World with all of its exciting discoveries, Good and Bad. I have NO Magic advice for you except, its got to get Better. Pray for Wisdom. Someone will drop by and give you the advice you are seeking.....Welcome to the Forum.

[twinyoga]

I just try to incorporate as much raw when they are home as possible. We make smoothie "time" fun and I take them to the grocery store to pick out the fruits and veggies of the week. I always have some of my raw food for them to try out. But I think this is inevitable.

I recall there is something in Raw Food Detox Diet about raising your kids with raw foods and how to help them make the best choices that are available.

FYI, there was a time when my daughter would it ice cream and have a terrible stomach ache afterward. So, after a couple times of this when she asked for ice cream again, I reminded her it gives her a tummy ache. She said, oh yeah I remember that, let's get something else.

good luck

[Revvell]

This is quite interesting to me and when I read the title I asked myself ~ who is in charge here? a 3-year old or the mother? Then I read the copy below so, here are my thoughts...

I have given in some times in the last weeks at other people's houses, and last weekend we even went to Wholefoods, and she had vegan pizza with her dad (who is still eating cooked once in a while at home). The results were always that she didn't want to eat fruit at all for some days, and only went back to it after starving for some time.

Starving for some time? What does that mean?

So how do you deal with that "I don't want to be different from anybody else"-feeling of your toddler and the emotional suffering that comes from being so different?

How does a 3-year old have "emotional suffering" and see herself as "so different"? It seems to me there's something else going on here that a 3-year old can have such strong feelings.

For me, if I were in this situation, this child would eat what I eat when we're at home and out by ourselves. When in social situations, I'd bring lots of fruit, smoothies, raw cakes, pies, cookies and let everyone choose. I'll bet many of the children would choose grapes, baby carrots, celery and the like over cooked food and your daughter would see a whole different attitude. Naturally children LOVE fruit ~ they love the colors, the juiciness... grapes fit so well in their hands...

Any advice? I would hate to give in, but I'm more heartbroken at seeing her suffer so much.

Suffering is of one's own making. She's manipulating you.

After all the cooked food at Whole Foods, the next day she had a nasty cough so I told her that was from the cooked food. I could see how that hurt her...

You've got to teach her responsibility for her health. It's YOUR job as her mother. (I feel like yelling "C'MON! She's 3!!!)

When I was a kid and most other kids were drinking Kool-Aid and going to MacDonald's for soda and such, we didn't get that. Did I like it? no. So what? Now, I appreciate it. I learned health practices from my mother. Did I like it? No! Not until I was 27, feeling poorly and realizing what my mother was teaching me was autonomy, resiliency, life skills. That's what mothers do.

I'm sure someone else has been through something similar and can give better advice.

Revvell

[MelanieM]

I empathize with you greatly! We do not have a raw household and even with reasonable (by most standards) dietary habits, there's still a fair amount of non-food foods that end up in our home. And while my son (3.5) will happily munch on healthy snacks, my daughter (6) wants no part of just about any fruit or vegetable. She has always been like this, and it's a bit of a struggle for me. And we homeschool, so this has nothing to do with outside influences in group care settings!

I absolutely refuse to force anything on a child, or anyone else, as it is more important for me that my kids learn that they are ultimately in control of their bodies than it is to have them eat veggies. If I override their choices now, they'll simply grow up and have to learn how to make choices for themselves later! Better, in my opinion, to help encourage them to make the best choice available to them, and communicate about natural consequences when they come up. It sounds like you're doing that for your daughter, and perhaps that's the very best you could ever do for her!

At 3 yrs, she might have a hard time remembering the consequences from eating something three days ago, and how that will apply to how she will feel if she eats it again today. But I think that will change as her awareness grows, and if you can keep supporting her in that and helping her put words to her feelings, I bet it will go a long way to helping her make positive choices in food, and all other areas.

Obviously, I'm not saying load your house up on junk foods and let her have at it! But if you continue to have healthful choices at home, and with her when out, then the majority of her choices will continue to be good ones. And for the times that she chooses other, then those are opportunities for learning. Perhaps when she figures out that these aren't off limits 'big kid treats' she'll get over wanting to have them.

I also think that my biggest enemy in all of this is my own sense of worry! I can so easily get caught up in concern over what my children are eating, or not eating, and put myself into a bit of a tailspin. But really, the best I can do for them (or anyone) is holding a vision of wellness. When I can remind myself of this, things flow much more smoothly for all of us.

I'll bet many of the children would choose grapes, baby carrots, celery and the like over cooked food and your daughter would see a whole different attitude. Naturally children LOVE fruit ~ they love the colors, the juiciness... grapes fit so well in their hands...

I often wish this was true for my daughter! lol! (And there I go back into worry. Ha!)

[Anais]

Thanks for all the nice comments. I agree with all of you, and feel much more encouraged now.

Revvell, when I first read your comment I felt very offended. I know that I am in charge, and I know that there will be many more decisions I will have to make that will be uncomfortable. By feeding her raw for the last 3 years, I already chose to not go the easiest way, believe me. I gave it some more thoughts. I think you are right, but you don't know all the facts... impossible on a forum, I know. Anyway, I talked to her preschool teacher this morning, and she told me that my daughter is crawling on the floor after lunch and eating the crumbles she can find on the floor. Of course, they tell her not to do it, blabla.... But that is what I mean by emotional suffering, not sure if I got the right word. She is surrounded by 20+ other toddlers that all eat pretty "normal" cooked stuff, one is vegetarian, no vegans. So she feels weird. I don't want her to feel weird. I was the weirdo all the time at school, because of my parents' life choices (long story), and I don't want her to go through that.

But the most important part: I don't want her to lie to me! I want her to stay connected with me and have her tell me if she wants to eat cooked and than eat it in front of me. That way I know what she is up to, and know that I can still make the best choices possible (e.g. vegan).

There is more behind it in our story. Her dad is not 100% raw, and even though he is not eating cooked at home anymore, he sneaks away to eat on other food, and I'm convinced she gets that. When I was 15 I started smoking. My mom never prohibited me to do it, partly because she was smoking at the time. So it's all about good examples, but it's also about trust. I was never able to lie to my mom, never. And I never had to.

Right now, I'm not sure what is more important to me. A good friend of mine is raw. Her daughter was vegan most of her childhood, and she is now 12 and started eating raw. But that was her own choice, after seeing her mom thriving on it. Would she have forced it on her, I bet she would be eating McDonalds and CocaCola right after moving out of the house.

You ask how does a 3-year old have "emotional suffering" and see herself as "so different"? A 3-year old raw kid has pretty strong emotional stuff going on, believe me. I was never able to numb her feelings by just giving her comfort food, remember? She is different from all other kids I know, and that is good. Right now, she is sad with her lifestyle, and I am not able to accommodate her.

Oh, and we had that situations that there was lots of raw fruit and veggies. But there was also pizza. Believe me, not one of the kids ate anything raw at that party! One of the little guys had 5 slices of pizza! These are the moments when I feel very sad for other people's choices. Of course, you ask, how can they even order (yes order, it wasn't even homemade) pizza for a 3-year-old birthday party? How sad, right? You know why? Because all parents know that pizza and pasta is the stuff their kids eat. So in order for them to be able to feed their kids, they buy stuff the kids like. I think that is manipulating, and everybody else does it.

Oh, and the McDonald example you gave: Did you never sneak away? Did you never lie to your mother?

[Revvell]

Oh, and the McDonald example you gave: Did you never sneak away? Did you never lie to your mother?

Yeah, I was 16, not 3.

[RawKnitster]

Slightly off topic but I can't help it. Love this conversation!

It's a struggle to get kids to eat healthy no matter what parents consider "right". When my daughter was three her diet was loaded with fresh steamed vegetables (I wasn't raw then). Now she is 15 and has no use for vegetables. I've almost given up. Maybe I should, she is rebelling against my choices for her now, the only other choices are bad ones.

One thing I noticed about 2 of my daughter's friends whose parents don't allow junk food or sugar at home, these are the girls that binge eat away from home. And I mean binge.

[Anais]

I know. That's what I mean. And I bet, their parents don't know about it! I wouldn't want my daughter to sneak away without telling me, even at 16.

[JennaBoBenna]

It's a struggle to get kids to eat healthy no matter what parents consider "right". When my daughter was three her diet was loaded with fresh steamed vegetables (I wasn't raw then). Now she is 15 and has no use for vegetables. I've almost given up. Maybe I should, she is rebelling against my choices for her now, the only other choices are bad ones.

One thing I noticed about 2 of my daughter's friends whose parents don't allow junk food or sugar at home, these are the girls that binge eat away from home. And I mean binge.

I think no matter how you raise your kids, they'll want to do something different eventually anyway. (Heck, even Raven from The Garden Diet wanted to eat cooked for a while! But she did go back to raw pretty much immediately)
I was raised on sugar cereal, cinnamon sugar on white breads, McD's and nameless others. In high school, I ate boxes of processed snacks, ate greasy buffet Chinese food once a week at least, walked across the street to the fast food joints (funny, i typed 'fat' instead of 'fast' at first..) and ate boxes of candy a day! It wasn't until I was 17 years old that I saw the 5-A-Day campaign and wanted a change. Two months later, I watched a film and became vegan immediately.
If you feed them healthy, they will want to branch off into fast food(seeing the experiences in this thread)
If you don't feed them healthy, they'll eat that garbage anyway!

The difference? The kids raised healthy will still have those properties stuck in their heads from being raised that way. Kids without it, ie. little JennaBoBenna, don't have any idea how to be healthy and are stuck being overweight/sick until they figure it out for themselves.

juuust my two cents :)

[RawKnitster]

Your 2 cents is priceless. :)

[Revvell]

As did I from the time I had money at 13 until I was 27 and realized what my mother taught me made a difference. If she hadn't done that, I wouldn't be doing what I am today.

There's a point when you've got to let go though and let them find out for themselves yet, if you don't stick with it when they're young, set the boundaries, set the guidelines in your own home, then they see you as a hypocrite.

A parent has to parent to the best of their abilities. Kids have enough "friends".

What one "wants" from their children and what they get are often two different things.

Slightly off topic but I can't help it. Love this conversation!

It's a struggle to get kids to eat healthy no matter what parents consider "right". When my daughter was three her diet was loaded with fresh steamed vegetables (I wasn't raw then). Now she is 15 and has no use for vegetables. I've almost given up. Maybe I should, she is rebelling against my choices for her now, the only other choices are bad ones.

One thing I noticed about 2 of my daughter's friends whose parents don't allow junk food or sugar at home, these are the girls that binge eat away from home. And I mean binge.

[RawKnitster]

Thanks for the wisdom, Revvell. Interesting choice of words, "What one wants from their children", rather than what one wants for their children. Your phrase is probably more honest.

[adiebabe]

In my 20's I was schooled to be a childhood educator, though I chose not to make that my career in the end, there are several things I have taken from that education and the time I did work in the field. This is an interesting study I came across in school and from what you've seen with your daughter, shouldn't surprise you.

A study was done on children and the influence of their peers on food choices; Two groups were formed, children who liked corn but hated peas, then a second group in which the children liked peas but not corn. The researchers took one child from each group and placed them in the opposite group. It was only a matter of days until the children's preferences switched to match the group.

Frustrating as a parent, I know...at least you know that's the 'norm' for all young children! I understand your frustration though...I am in a similar situation with my own child and his father (his dad is a typical SAD eater & non-active person).

I make sure I discuss nutrition and it's benefits with my child and when he's at home with me, he eats the same diet as I do, with some exceptions. He will have to figure it out for himself to some extent though....as long as I provide him with a sound, nutritional base and he understands why one choice is better than the other and he eats as healthy as possible, as much as possible...he will make better choices than his peers. Whether now or later when he's a little older. I've seen it already and he's just 7.

[freshlight]

I'd keep offering as many yummy-looking raw things as possible but in the meantime I'd also try to find the "most-healthy" cooked alternatives to what she wants to try. It is possible.
And when she sees that you don't force her to eat healthy stuff she might get more interested in it.

edited:

oops: just noticed that she's 3. I thought she's much older......didn't read the title properly.

You can be much more convincing than you think you are :)

Don't worry,-just keep up the raw work and be an example. It's easy.