Raw or suicide?

[Jodi]

RP your post was great! I have been following this today and have loved all the input from everyone here. (well, almost everyone. Thanks Alissa for getting rid of what I considered a troll)

Jodi

[pfc]

I, too, want to thank you Alissa for maintaining a firm line on the supportive nature of this site. It is much appreciated.

[twinyoga]

Alissa, thanks for being clear regarding how some food addictions work. I've never been a binger, thankfully.

But if I can help anybody out by sharing my outlook, I'm happy to.

[VeganVixen]

Alissa ,

I just wanted to add that E.D. 's dont go hand in hand with cooked food addictions ,I had one(and as you know you NEVER completely recover)and am able to eat some cooked food (ONLY steamed ,sauteed veggies and rice -NOT SAD) without giving in to binging , BUT the question is WHY would you want to (other than if youre going out with freinds and want to just RELAX and order veg. sushi or a salad with grilled bell peppers and not get in a rut over "is this" or "that" raw andlook too picky) -when RAW is just sooooo yummy ,vibrant and ALIVE !!!!!

I have only gone off raw a handfull of times ,and havent felt consiquences - b/c I only get the healthiest cooked food possible , but I ALWAYS look forward to my salad the next day !!!

possibly ONE reason I CAN DO THIS ,is b/c WHEN food makes me sick (as you know) I get SICK!!!!!! ,so that might be a reason I can be happy with ONLY a littlecooked health food (and not eat sad) -but like I said even that cooked h.f. DOESNT MAKE ME FEEL VIBRANT LIKE RAW DOES ,so (once again ,I may be the exeption


OH ,alissa - THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (you know ) ;)

[Autumn]

WOW, how did I miss this great thread this morning? I musta still been half-asleep.

RP, you've put into words again that which I couldn't myself, or not nearly as succinctly. I'm an all or nothing person too, and I've only come to realize that I have some sort of ED as well (I constantly eat, regardless of whether or not I am hungry; I binge but do not purge). My second problem is commitment. I don't know if it's the Gemini in me, but I am sooooooo easily bored-with food, projects, books, work, movies, some people, husbands .

I read your sentence over and over again about slowly commiting suicide and it really struck a chord in me. I often wonder HOW I can abuse this body that god (or goddess) gave me. Like, how DARE me do such a thing! What an insult to the Creator, what a slap in the face. I often think that if I *truly* cared about myself, I wouldn't do this to myself. I have lots of reasons too, and lots of excuses. Oh I could stick to 100% all the time if only this.... or that... I know I have a lot of internal work to do and for some reason I am petrified to get started.

Thanks so much for a great thread!

[Arky]

If you believe in a Creator, and believe that he or she made you - warts and all (not literally, you understand! ;) ), then doesn't that also imply that he or she would not judge you for the physical or emotional 'imperfections' you feel you have, what with having been 'created' by a power higher than yourself?



Stop being so hard on yourself!! NOBODY is perfect! As I said in another post, recently, your psychological and emotional health is every bit as important as your physical health - please don't allow fixation on your physical health to detract from your psychological and emotional health, that would be 'unforgivable'! :)

If you don't believe that Raw-Foodists are human, too, then read this humbling (and very honest) account, and this one, too


J.

[misslinda]

You all got me thinking about this thread most of the day so far. I wonder how I would be emotionally/mentally if it were the reverse: growing up on raw and converting to cooked of some sort. As I look back, I have deep associations of some of the foods,flavors and preparation to feelings of control and belonging.

Alissa you mentioned something that go me thinkning again--as a former sufferer of eating disorders, I use to be fixed and obssessed with having an aluminum can that read "Diet something" or had to have Dannon plain yogurt--I literally get a physical reaction to seeing those foods. They made me feel in control again and get a "high" from it. i pass these items at the grocery store all the time and look over like I've lost a friend but I know better.

Since becoming raw and back into 100% raw, I find myself having to deal with these emotions/assocations of foods that I CHOOSE not to have. Part of my purifying is learning to let go of those anchors--I'm actually enjoying the expelling of tears, frustrations and sadness b/c I know change is taking place for the better and sometimes I don't even know what better is but i allow my body,mind and spirit to take its' course and lead me. My surroundings will follow--just today I got multiple compliments and the only major change is.......I've been raw.

I like caring about me for once in my life and it feels good but hasn't been easy.

[Smileen]

I, too, like Angie's idea of each step teaching us something new. RP, Maybe there is something you needed to feel or learn at this time that will help you eventually become raw in the way you choose to when you choose to. Best of luck. There are so many of us that identify with what you are going through.

[Texicalian]

"people will offer you advice all the time which in their mind makes total sense, however in the mind of a person with food issues, it doesn't sound right. I find this is where tolerance and acceptance of each other comes in."

Jenn beautifully put; in fact, the whole post was insightful

RP – you bring wisdom to this board and I'm so glad you bring vulnerability as well. I also appreciate all the people who wrote expressing their perspective of the "all or nothing" mentality. Alissa is right. Those of us who are more on the "take it or leave it" end of the spectrum can never really comprehend the struggles of those with Eating Disorders or those on the All or Nothing end of the spectrum. Your posts give us a better understanding. Hopefully, we will be able to show you the kindness, compassion, and support you need.

By "take it or leave it" I mean those of us who for reasons of health, lifestyle, disposition etc., choose a high raw/high vegan diet. Though the board's mission is to promote a 100% raw vegan lifestyle, I think those of us on the board who are high raw gain so much by being here, learning from everyone, feeling the support from others who are on their own holistic health journeys. And I know I am grateful for the safety I find within this forum. I am also thankful for the support that was shown to catherinethegreat when she returned to the forum and was open about where she is at on her journey to health (since she's more on the end of the spectrum where I am). The tolerance, kindness, and acceptance of those who are 100% raw for those of us who are high raw is very much appreciated. :)

[jennykiss75]

Misslinda,
Everything you said really hit home for me:

As I look back, I have deep associations of some of the foods,flavors and preparation to feelings of control and belonging.

I totally associate all emotions around food, happy, sad, depressed, celebration, traveling, loneliness, frustration, stress...on and on. It is just so ingrained in me that way, it is very difficult to switch gears and rewire the brain to handle all situations without food. I can remember as a child I would get so excited to go on vacation because we were going to eat out everyday for every meal, could care less where we were traveling to. It is pretty sick to be a kid in Disneyland and thinking more about where we are going to eat next.

I use to be fixed and obssessed with having an aluminum can that read "Diet something" or had to have Dannon plain yogurt--I literally get a physical reaction to seeing those foods.

What I have recently just learned about myself with help from a counselor is that I am obsessed with doing "what is right" but who can say what is right? I want to be "like" that perfect person, but nobody is perfect. For some reason I have gotten "ideals" in my head what a health, thin, perfect person should be and it is really hard to strive for something that does not exist.

Practicing patience, and kindness towards ones self IMO is one of the most difficult things to do. I am not talking kindness like going out and buy "things" as presents for yourself I am talking emotional kindness how we talk to our inner selves, this is my ultimate struggle for me and being raw I notice that I am a bit more at peace with myself as well as others. I also am learning that I am not an "all or nothing" I want to be but I am not and when I try to be I tear myself apart for not being 100%, so I am working at not being such a perfectionist it is not healthy for me.

okay enough for now.

[Autumn]

<<If you believe in a Creator, and believe that he or she made you - warts and all (not literally, you understand! ), then doesn't that also imply that he or she would not judge you for the physical or emotional 'imperfections' you feel you have, what with having been 'created' by a power higher than yourself?>>


No. He/she created me perfectly. *I* was the one who screwed up, of my own free will. *I* am accountable for my own actions and decisions, I cannot say "I was born this way" or point the finger at anyone else. *I* did it, and only *I* can correct it (with a little support from my friends)!

[sean lee]

Great post RP. All I can do is encourage you to go raw 100% today.Think of all the benefits. We need total dedication to go totally raw but all the benefits are ours, spirit, soul and body. Plus we are more alive and we can pass that on to others.

[Narz]

You have the power.

100% raw is a good thing. Not 100% is ok too.

It's all good.

Trust the universe will give you the feedback you need to help you attain perfection. :)

[VeganVixen]

You have the power.

100% raw is a good thing. Not 100% is ok too.

It's all good.

Trust the universe will give you the feedback you need to help you attain perfection. :)

well said ;)

[luvnraw]

RP you are so very eloquent. I do agree that you will need to forgive yourself from this and figure out what is going on emotionally here as well. I am sorry you are struggling. I have not been doing this nearly as long, not as eloquent or knowledgable as you with all of it but I am an all or nothing so for me its definitely 100% or nothing. You will find your way to where you need to be and I bet it will be health and 100% raw. None of us are perfect, that is why we are human and not God and its okay, you can learn from this and move past it and I hope you find your way! We are here to support and encourage you and thanks for posting. It helped so many and I imagine yourself as you typed and thought things through! ;)