Depression question

[Kathleen]

Okay, I don't know if it's just me, but lately I have been feeling kind of depressed. I am not really having that hard of a time staying on raw foods (day 21) but I think perhaps without a food crutch I am being forced to look at my life. I feel completely stuck - I am not making enough money, I have no relationship to speak of and I do the same things every day. I thought I wanted to do broadcasting (I'm on a show now part time) but it's like I could care less about it and do the bare minimum at work without that much enthusiasm - I feel like an unmotivated bum. The only thing I am really into right now is reading about raw foods, spirituality and doing this forum. I guess if I could pick an ideal life it would be making a good amount of money so that I would be comfortable doing work involved with helping others in the areas of spirituality and raw foods. Anyway - am I a freak right now to feel lethargic and unmotivated - shouldn't I be ecstatic??

[sweetgoddess]

Oh, Kathleen, you're not a freak, hugs.
My own experience of raw the last 3 months, I discovered it reaches all levels, not just physical.The emotional and mental, and also spiritual were a lot bigger than the physical aspect. I have had to do a lot of emotional and mental work since starting raw, and still have tons left to do. It seems to come in waves~~ But I wouldnt go back, because the place I stand now is truer and full of a newfound freedom. It's a lot of change, i amd my life are starting to change so much, and on the threshold of change, it sometimes seems scary. Down the road however, you can see the tremendous gift it really was.
Food and all that it relates to, at least for me, had more emotional and mental patterns tied to it than I knew. And a lot of that growth came from moments of depression.
If you can, bless it. It could, if you let it, lead you to a greater you. I can only share with you what I experienced, because that is all I know. I hope something in here helped somehow. We are all here to support you.
Warmly
Carmel

[catherinethegreat]

I went through a VERY similar thing when I went raw - NOTHING interested me AT ALL accept the raw food thing. I wanted to read and learn about it and even considered becoming a raw food chef for a while. I had a lunch here for all my photographer friends and was bored out of my mind. I just sat and ate my raw food and couldn't wait for it to be over.
This all happened for the first month or so.
Then as I healed more and more from the raw foods - I felt more interested in my work - my friends - my life - etc.
It could be part of the detox process for me - I'm not sure.
I know that I'm also dealing with some lonliness issues - and not wanting to hang out with people - so it's a strange space to be in. Not sure how to move out from this place accept to make an effort to get more involved with people and events happening.
I think too - that when you start adding life into your diet - that everything that seemed important looks different if it isn't "alive" in a way.
Anyhow - I look forward to hearing how everything goes for you.
It all will change - again and again!!
*c

[rawpriestess]

Yes, this has happened to me also.

I have been raw almonst 3 months, and I have really questioned my choices in life.

I have lived on a beautiful lake for 15 years, spent the entire time remodleing my home, because I want to make it look like a castle.

And within the last couple of months, I have seriously considered, selling everything I own and moving to an island in the South Pacific, and living basically off the land.

A Major difference in my life, as I do many personal appearances right now, and I wouldn't be able to do that from Fiji.

But, I am actually considering doing this, as my life has changed so drastically because I am raw, and my values are changing.

That is what I think it is, that your true inner values become more clear, so you evaluate your choices by looking through clear eyes, and with clear thoughts.

[Revvell]

Well, can't say that going raw made me depressed yet, having been depressed much of my life, my life sure changed with going raw. I have been in your "state-of-mind" so, can relate there for chure.

I also was in broadcasting. Went to a city college, got my license, worked as a dj. Was bored to death! Here's an option for you though. When you do your reading, write also. Just write ~ whatever comes to mind. Fill up some pages. IF you wish to stay in broadcasting, then see if you can get on the air talking about raw and your raw food journey.

Also, you might wish to join Toastmasters and enjoy learning to and giving speeches on your life.

Another thing Bo and I do EVERY single day and that is daily appreciations. (I'm thinking of starting them here also.) We do at LEAST 10, every day. When one is feeling depressed they don't want to do the things that will get them OUT of the depression. Well, from my experience, there are a few ways to go. 1) go TOTALLY into it until you are bored with yourself 2) do what it takes to get out of it. A few of those things would be ~ drink wheatgrass juice ~ straight. Write down at least 10 things you appreciate. Get out and MOVE! Go walk a few hills, get some breathe going, get some energy pumping through your legs.

And yes, you do have a "relationship to speak off" ~ you have one with yourself. Nurture and nourish that. Realize what you are going through now is something you can use to assist others in their journeys. You don't have to make a lot of money to support others. Start supporting others and the money will come.

My teacher has always been a giving person. One thing he has told me/us again and again is, one doesn't have to be wealthy to give. He started giving when he was broke and living in his grandmother's cellar. When he wanted to get rid of something ~ he gave it away ~ no matter what it originally cost him (well, sometimes he charged ~ when he felt it would do the person good to pay for it ~ so they would know how wealthy they are).
Now, I know him as one of the wealthiest people I know. His oldest friend is a multi-millionaire yet, I consider my teacher to be wealthier ~ because he lives free ~ not because of the money he has. He has, over the last 18+ years I've known him, developed intimate relationships with two wonderful women (yes, at the same time ~ a triad); does work he absolutely loves, and lives a life of joy, light, love and laughter. That, to me is being wealthy.

One last thing. I mentioned this in another post ~ it's about allergies. At one time I went on a cleansing food program which consisted only of fruits and veggies ~ baked, steamed or raw. My roomie was on the same program. While she was out and about full of energy, it was all I could do to get out of a chair. Mostly what I did was eat, read, sleep. Well, I found out that I was allergic to oranges, tomatoes and almonds (un-soaked). After I eliminated those, I was fine again. If you know someone who can muscle test you, please do that with any foods you are eating a lot of ~ or craving.

btw ~ since being raw, I can eat those ( we have a green smoothie or two EVERY day and it consists of orange juice for the base ) and I've had no problems with them.

To your health ~

Revvell

[JustusGSD]

When I was fasting (2 wks) before starting this raw journey, I was amazed at all the emotional stuff that was coming up as I went through physical detox. I hadn't realized how much I used food as a crutch or to "stuff" emotions I didn't want to deal with. It is so worth it if you can work through the junk. Another thing that surprised me was how up & down it was. I would be so depressed and then the next day I'd be much better. Hang in there and if raw is the only thing motivating to you then go with it.

Peace,
Sarah

[Kathleen]

Thank you to everyone for your inspiration and kind words. It's the best thing in life to feel like you're not alone. I am feeling little better but yeah, I think right now while I'm learning to actually feel and express myself without stuffing it I may have some bad days along with the good but that's okay becuase I would rather be fully living than not. The food allergy issue is a good point - I will look into that. I just read something last night in the book 'The Places That Scare You' by Chodron that life is the up and the down, the good and the bad, the happy and sometimes the sad. Chodron says that accepting it ALL without condition or judgement makes life so much better. What a great concept.

[kiwilime]

I'm going thru some of the same stuff. I was initially so excited about RAW but have been feeling a little depressed the past two days. I've been 16 days RAW now and finally went to a restaurant to eat. Of course I ordered a salad and brought my own dressing....but having dinner out just was not the same. In fact I couldn't wait til it was over cuz my salad was so boring. BUT I'm still sticking to it and riding out the emotions. I believe things will get better. Take Care

[russio]

I have finally beaten my OCD and depression without pills, and have come to a point of no worry in my life. I have read about ten books by Chopra and Dr. Dyer, and more (Read Real Magic by Dr. Dyer!!!). I felt like telling you how I have gotten to this peaceful state. It is good stuff.
1. Writing down what I want to accomplish, like for me “not thinking about things" and "not worrying". Writing keeps your subconscious focused on what otherwise it would forget. Without Meditation, you have about 60,000 random thoughts a day. Only those thoughts you make an effort to remember by writing or typing will stand out to your subconscious. This brings about change without anymore effort than writing your goals.
2. Meditating - It teaches your ego to shut up and gives you access to the power of God. It is making conscious contact with God, which is also ourselves.
3. Understanding that God is inside us means we have this REAL POWER to change our life any way we want. When we use this power of God we are living with God's strength as a reality. It is hard to let go of our ego, but just do it. Take that large miraculous step! It is great. Call it God, inner strength, intent, will power, pure potentiality, whatever...the power is real so just make it happen.
4. Saying this every day when I feel like it. "Every thought I have is a choice between fear and a miracle. I relinquish all fear and choose the miracle."
5. Knowing that the only reality is "now". There is no yesterday or tomorrow and will never be. There is only right now. Time is really an illusion because there can never be anything but now. So make the most of it. God provides in abundance and will continue to do so as long as you do not take this precious moment for granted. God is in the now, and not being aware of "now" means not being aware of God. When you are aware of the now, you are aware of God and are rewarded for aligning yourself with God. I know this seems heavy, but it just means that God is in the moment, and when you start to worry and what not, you move away from God and this is bad...producing stress, physical dis-ease, and everything else.
What is most enlightening is to KNOW now that I do have this inner real power. Just imagine for a moment and accept that it is possible to live the life you desire. You know it is a possible. People do it all the time. It is possible to live without OCD and depression, so that means tapping our inner strength, soul, God, intent (call it what you like) ...you can live without worry. It is possible, just make that step and do it. This step took me about two weeks to get past. Then it's pretty easy once you make a firm commitment to shift your thoughts and do NOT relinquish control back to your ego and thoughts. Knowing this power is available and possible has made all the difference for me. "There is one elementary truth - the moment one definitely commits oneself, the providence moves too".
prov•i•dence P Pronunciation Key (pr v -d ns, -d ns )
n. . The care, guardianship, and control exercised by a deity; divine direction: “Some sought the key to history in the working of divine providence” (William Ebenstein).
I basically asked myself, "Can I live without these problems?" The answer is of course, yes...it is possible. Therefore, since it is possible, I just need to make it happen by making that firm choice between fear and a miracle. ALWAYS choose the miracle and never hesitate to love life, and think about what makes you happy. TAKE action at the moment you choose a miracle and do something or think about something you really love. Soon you will have to choose less and less. This is where I am at.
Whew, I know that is a lot to think about and it's been tough for me, fighting with my ego and all. However, all this reading has brought me to one point. I know now I have this enormous power of God inside me to create whatever life I want. We are all God, and God is us...there is no separation...so it is our power as well.

[Linder]

I'm so glad I found this forum. It's great to hear all these things, so if I end up going through them, I know it's ok.
I went raw for 30 days about 4 years ago and I remember feeling emotionally GREAT one day and then depressed and angry the next. I wasn't even 100% raw for the 30 days. I found it really difficult and would go a couple of days 100% and then one day about 90. But I wasn't ready then. My only motivation was weight loss back then. But I feel VERY ready now. Weight loss will be a plus, but I really want to detox and heal all my stupid little ailments. I also want to make some changes in my life and stop shoving every emotion I have down with food.

[lodestar]

thanks for pulling up a great thread. I had not read this, but it is a real boost to my day. I choose to be raw...I choose to live in the moment...I am choosing to be happy.

It only occured to me last night as I was posting my 19th day of my raw journey
...raw is what I am. Truly this humbles me to have found so much joy at this stage of my life. No more stuffing down "whatever"...I choose to live in the now. My life has so much more power with this revelation. We are blessed.

[Jackie1995]

and I haven't felt better!

I do notice that although I am not capable of sustained "anger" or "upset" even with some silly annoying things that have happened in the last week or so, I am definitly more emotional - not crying or feeling miserable, but actually more able to empathize with people and what they are going through.

Needless to say, I don't watch the news, but I do listen to stories on NPR; or if I'm hearing a song, maybe for the 100th time, I'm more sensitive to the meaning and sometimes get a little sad for the situation they're singing about... you know what I mean!

So, I'm just getting more mellow and more sensitive to what's going on around me, which is different. Haven't done this in so long I don't even know if I ever did in the past! Wow!

Maybe, like so many people have found, you need to evaluate your situation and if it makes you "depressed" (which by the way isn't sad, it's more like a lack of any emotion about anything, a "so what" feeling. This is from my personal experience when I was going through a pretty rough time several years ago) that may actually spur you to make the changes needed. Or at least let yourself be open to more opportunities.

So, in the long run, it's probably a good thing.

The raw is most assuredly a good thing, from my personal experience, anyway.

Look in the mirror and smile at yourself. You're great! Acknowledge that fact!
Celebrate with a banana pineapple grape smoothie!

[banananana]

In the past two weeks i've seemingly become obsessed w/ being totally 100% raw. These days it can be so hard to have such a lifestyle. money issues, friends and family peer pressure. I'm serious looking to change my career goals and going into something raw, and natural. Does anyone have any recommendations or ideas, that would make a raw lifestyle easier and possible for me. I'm going to school now for graphic design, and i'm only 20 so i could change my major no problem.

[crystal]

Hi Kathleen,
I've just now registered and found your query on depression. I hope its not too late to respond.
I just finished a "cleanse" last week, fruits and veges only for week one, and then adding back proteins. I'm mostly raw.
My experience with the cleanse, as it relates to you, has been that I'm FEELING alot more. Without the distraction of artifical stimulants (sugar, caffeine, alcolhol) we can really feel what's going on.. maybe like never before in our lives! And I too found myself saying today two things (to myself of course) 1. I have feelings (yes! I've denied that, stuffed it down for so long... and 2. I am not just my feelings, they're not "out of control" just because I feel them. Does that make sense? I agree, it's a whole new world after we choose healthier foods.. it entails pure love, light and honesty with ourselves. Sometimes, we feel pain, because we're now part of life, not seperate from it. But the good news is that we can feel JOY now even deeper. There's no barrier (ie. food) between us and another. There's no addictions (Hard to overeat celery huh?) so there's no hiding behind anything. All there is .. is taking full responsibility for our happiness. And that's a tall order! So give yourself a break. If anything... compassion (for yourself too) is the only true healer. And the raw journey, or any journey of eating simpler, foods closest to nature, is going to help us feel more connected to the earth, people on the earth, and God who created the earth. Focus on these connections, because now you'll be more able to reap the benefits of connecting from a deep place within you. One last point, I wrote a poem when I was at your point about a spider web, a thin strand. That's how I felt my consciousness, my spirit was. Weak, but there. I was learning that that's all I had any "control" over. And I was right. But the real thing is that ... it's enough. As long as I'm here, I show up every day to be as good a person I can be both to my friends and family, to be as honest with them and myself as I can... then I consider my day a triumph. Please go easy on yourself... Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you're feeling. I commend you for reaching out for help.. all you can do from here is grow.

Best,
Crystal

[nif]

hey kathleen and gang,
another fascinating thread....

personally, when i went raw i had the opposite experience. i **stopped** feeling depressed. completely. i literally felt like i had all this *energy* moving through my body, and i didnt know what to do with it. raw felt very natural to me. i felt very positive. and very healthy. i also felt, pardon me for saying this everyone, but extremely, um... like, i guess, what i'm trying to say is... i felt um, horny. that was mainly how i felt. i cant understand it. but well, there it is, i said it. oops. *gigglez*