please oh please help

[ShelShel]

Ok...I'm shocked. How did you get to such a mono strict diet and your father not know? I'm like forever explaining my eating choices to all my family because they are so concerned with all the weight I've lost! I need to keep reassuring them that I am eating.
My question...is your father so nervous because you haven't been sharing all along and the only thing he is seeing is your weight loss? I'm trying to understand...not be in your business. I just know...even though my family all say...they couldn't do it...they know exactly "what" I'm doing. Because I have shared.
Have you not shared at all...and been away at school for months just to come home changed? That could scare any parent...especially if you have changed physically from what they are used to. ;) Not that I feel you have done anything wrong, but I'm trying to help you understand from their perspective maybe.
Perhaps...it would be best not to go home at all. You seem very upset by all this expectation being put on you and the emotional stress you are putting your body through just isn't worth it.
Give yourself some peace and make a decision you can comfortably live with. Like RawNora says...none of us know all the "background" on this relationship with your dad. So...we are just throwing out ideas...hoping we hit on one that will help. ;)
Just for the record...I'm really proud of your accomplishments in Raw! If you are this far along...don't wound your body by eating cooked food. (I know I just can't go back...ever.) Just don't throw away your education either. Secondly, if it makes you that nervous to go home and have a confrontation about it...don't go. Visit your family when it's not a holiday. Or before the holiday. Celebrate with time spent, not food eaten. Raw (((HUGS))) You are in my prayers.

[bittersweet]

we're not a very connected family... and I guess I've snuck around after the forced meat-eating

[VeryBerry]

Bittersweet,

I feel your pain, I really do. I had a terrible relationship with my mother all my life. We don't have any specific issues, just uncompatible personalities. She made my life a living **** when I was teenager. I made an effort to get along with her and I know she made an effort, we talked about our relationship... but in the end it is all the same, any time I go over there we either end up fighting or I end up coming home in a terrible mood. She just has this need to "fix" me, whe there is nothing to be fixed, always keeps giving me annoying advice and suggestions about what I should do with my life.

Now I made a decision to see her as little as I can, even though she lives 5 minutes away from me. It is juts not worth it.

[VeryBerry]

I completely agree with Sharons post. I really don't think you father will stop paying for your education if you refuse to eat thankdgiving turky. Even if you did have an eating disorder, I think most parents would still pay for your education.
Don't be afraid to stand you ground.

[bittersweet]

Thanks. I really need to figure out what to do/how to go about doing it.

[Sharon in Colorado]

Forewarning them might help. Especially if you feel like you were forced to eat something in the past. You have to nip that kind of behavior in the bud.

Something like:

"I eat a ton of fresh fruits and salads now. I will be picking up something while I'm in town and prepare it for myself. And I'd love to help with the rest of the meal."

or

"This is the way I like to eat and I'm not interested in getting into a debate about it."

or

"If you are going to have a problem with the way I eat, please let me know now, so that I can make other arrangements for Thanksgiving".

I would just make it very cut and dry. Avoid getting into why you do it, just let them know that this is the way you eat.

I am curious what you already wrote in the letter. It sounds like that may have already been a forewarning to them.

[catscharm74]

Believe me, I can relate. I became a vegan many years ago, right about 3 months before Thanksgiving. Now, I grew up in an Italian family where life revolved around food (and my hips...) ;) I was the cook at all major events and the year I announced I would no longer eat meat or do the cooking (killing) I was treated like a weirdo by my family and all I got were mean comments on my lifestyle. All of a sudden, my lifestyle was so interesting to everyone to put their 2 cents in. I stuck to my guns. I found family members who for some reason didn't want to be around me. I realized, after a lot of tears and frustration, I need to be me. If they can't accept it, then so be it. I wasn't putting it in their face, just really not eating their food. I don't know what to tell you other than do what feels right for you and good luck. I know you will make the right decision.

P.S. As far as money goes, people often use that as an excuse to keep someone around. What is your relationship going to be after you graduate and he is no longer holding that over you? Just something to think about.

[Light of an Angel]

IMHO this is a control issue. Your father believes that because he is paying for your school he can also control everything alse about you including your diet. Do not buy into this. If his intentions are good and he is helping you out financially out of generosity then he will be fine when you stand your ground. My aunt has helped me with paying for my collage but had all these expectations about me becoming a business woman. After I changed my mind about my major she stopped paying for my school. When she was still paying for my collage I felt like you. I was afraid to say or do anything that she would not approve off. Standing my own ground was the best thing that I have ever done in my life. I felt responsible for my own life and good about who I was and the choices I was making. Sure it was hard not to get that financial support but the sense of freedom and joy I got was worthed much more than a college tuition.

[Luna T]

First off, I want to say that I think Sharon in Colorado had a great post!

I'm sorry that you have to deal with pressure from your family. I don't undertsand why people, either well intentioned or from control issues want to make other people eat. One thing I can tell you from my own experiecne is that while the pressure may wain, it never seems to go away completely. If it's not your family, it may be others in your life who try to convince you your wrong. So it's important to learn how to approach it.

I think that people don't understand certain lifestyles of eating and it's important to come across as a strong, knowledgable and self-assured person when presenting your case. (even if the teenage mentality wants to kick in...as it does with me when I get angry) Fight it and present like an adult.
Stay consistent and don't doubt yourself. Carry yourself with grace and occasionally make a really yummy raw item for them and present it with enthusiasm. (be ready to inform them with a plethera or nutritional information to go along with it)

Perhaps you can find a way to look at the badgering not as a victim, but as an opportunity to inspire others to be healthier. Once they see your gracious demeaner, radiant glow and inner peace, they won't be able to argue. It might take awhile, but eventually it will pay off. They might not undertsand your path, but they will recognize that you have something they wish they had a part of.

Be strong, stand your ground and respect yourself