Do you think this is unusual?

[ShelShel]

I was talking with my mother-in-law the other day, and she had just finished looking at our family blog pics. She made her first comment in 9 months about my weight. She said how skinny I was getting. (And she totally meant this in a good way because she has watched me struggle to lose the extra weight for 12 years now.) So, that wasn't the issue. The issue was my comment back. I said, "Really? See I think when I look at pics of myself, I will always see a chubby chick." Why did I say that? And it's true. When I looked over the pics again...I'm not fat anymore. I'm at the top of the bmi for my height, but I'm the thinnest I've been as an adult. So, why when I look at myself do I still look chubby? Why don't I see a skinny chick, like almost everyone who sees me now, seems to think I am? Everyone says, I'm wasting away...or what are you now a size 0? So, shouldn't I look thin to me? Is there a way to stop seeing myself this way? I have eyes...why don't they see what everyone else sees? Is this unusual? Has anyone else had this problem.

[JinxieKat]

Yes, yes and yes. That is part of the reason why I gained back soo much of the weight I lost a few years ago. If you've been overweight for a long time it isn't just the battle to loose the pounds, it is the battle to change your self perception. You will find yourself moving through crowds and small places as if you still had that extra weight on your frame, you'll look to ask for the extender on the airplane seatbelt, then be surprised when you don't need it. You'll catch a glance of yourself in an unexpected mirror and you won't recognise yourself. It is very, very, very common. If you have been overweight you have this preception of yourself as you said 'chubby chick'. It takes time and effort to change it and if you don't take the time to change it you have a high chance of, unconsiously, sabotaging yourself and gaining the weight back. You can change your perception of yourself, and kudos to you for noticing it before it did cost you anything! Don't take for granted that what you see in the mirror is the same ol same ol, take time to really look at yourself each day and tell yourself how wonderful you are and how much you love yourself and your perception will change!

Jinx

[juliebove]

I have the opposite problem. For many years I was very underweight. So I tend to see myself as thin until I see myself in a picture or in some strange mirror and then I'm always shocked at how fat I am. I know by my weight I'm not *that* fat but to me I look much fatter than I really am. I know my legs are very thin. I've lost some weight and most of of from my legs. My legs were never fat. Now they're scrawny like they used to be. People do comment about my legs.

[ShelShel]

Thanks you guys. I will do my best to start dealing with this. It's so hard for me to believe that now that I'm thinner, everything isn't what I thought it would be. Why do we always think that? That being thin would make how we feel about ourselves all better? Obviously, I'm going to start a journal and try to get to the heart of why I feel this way about myself and am holding on to the old me so tightly.
I know that I'm forever raw. It just fits like a well made suit. How does that happen? How do you start everyday of your life being one thing...feeling one way and then 34 years later a light bulb goes on and everything changes for the better and you discover that the problem was never the weight? Wow. I think I let food hide a lot of my inner turmoil for me. Huh!!! Wow. Time to deal and move forward! Thank you.

I'm sorry you are having the opposite issue....and that you only lose in your legs. I lost a great deal from the butt down too. I have thinner legs and most people comment on them too.

[Sharon in Colorado]

Maybe it is like those who lose their limbs as adults. They no longer have an arm, but still feel it there. It just may take you a while to accept that you are where you are.

[Amberly]

I know. I can look at a person and think they are thin. Then I look at myself and I don't see thin. But it'll turn out that I am substantially thinner than the other person. The thing is, I was even 15 pounds lighter last summer. I felt good then, but I would have liked to have lost more. I must have been skinny. It's so weird.

[ShelShel]

YES! Why is this??? I was looking at jeans in my size just yesterday, and I thought wow, those are so much smaller than anything I've worn in years! Then I try them on and they fit and I feel I look fat!!! How does this happen? What is behind it? It drives me crazy. I want to look at myself and say wow...you look great! You're finally thin! Woo hoo! But instead I keep thinking....maybe 10 more pounds. Which I know isn't necessarily needed. So...yeah...not ...good.

[BDraw]

Boy, do I understand this! I grew up being called "fatty" by brothers and my twin sister was called "skinny". I grew thinking I was fat. Always, always thought of myself as overweight -- never really was! (pregnacy doesn't count)

At 40, I met a new man in my life (who I am now married to) who called me "skinny". That was so foreign to my ears! I'm learning to adjust, but not there yet. And yes, every now and then I catch that glimps in the mirror and think, wow she's thin.

The other day I was looking for new jeans and a woman came up also looking. It was interesting, she made a comment to me about not needing black to help me look thin -- I was pleasantly shocked. In my eyes I looked her size (14-16), though I was buying size 8. That was a strange realization for me. And in my feeble thinking, I assured myself that the sizing industry has just changed -- I have never worn a size 8 and shouldn't be now. They just downsized so we ladies would feel better about ourselves. Go figure!

Maybe I too need to "change your perception of yourself, and take time to really look at yourself each day and tell yourself how wonderful you are and how much you love yourself and your perception will change!"

Thanks for the advice! BD

[lil fairy z girl]

hi,
i also think similar of myself, i am now a size UK6 for skirts and i still look at myself and i feel fat. i look at my stomach and it just looks so fat to me and that i have not lost any weight, however other people say how thin i now am. i have been wondering if i have a problem with this. I am concerned how now i am too preoccupied with losing weight. i weigh myself everyday and i just want to keep losing more.
i don't have any advice, i just wanted to say that i feel this too,

best wishes
sal
~*~*~*

[Stephishym]

Oh BDraw I truly despise my brothers for their mean comments when I was a kid! Even now in our 20's it still disturbs me. I'm not in a single digit size (14), but I am thinner now than my younger years (although senior year was great for me, which is weird). I realize that while I'm not thin I'm thinner than I have been in the past.

[mdm4888]

As a person who has had severe anorexia for 7 years, I can totally relate to this notion. These thoughts that you are having are unfortunately caused by the society and the media we live in today. We are consciously and subconsciouly bombarbed by the idea that thin is happiness.... that the answer to all of your problems is to become thin. It is in the market of diet products, and in the market of the media... I am here to tell you that I promise you that thinness does not equal happiness... this is when I have to come to terms. I remember being 130 and healthy and saying my weight goal was 125, than 115, 110, 100, 95, 90, 85.... it just keeps going as you keep finding imperfections. It is a tangible was to fix yourself. But it is totally jaded. You have to tell yourself with your healthy voice that you are beautiful for so many reasons and that weight is not a reason someone will say for why they love you or even better, why you love yourself.

I am honest when I say, I still struggle with this everyday and will always struggle with this notion. I hate the media for this. But it is up to you to take charge of your thoughts and stop the harmful thoughts from entering your mind. I seperate my eating disorder thoughts and find them with my healthy thoughts. It is extremely hard because it is what most of us have heard and seen our whole lives, but you are smart enough to go against the SAD grain, and you are smart enough to not be tricked by society and their ways to get money from us... that is what it boils down to. Think about the weight loss industry and you will start to be appalled by the corrupt messages floating around in your head.

Be strong, and keep creating your healthy voice, because eventually, I believe, it will diminish the other thoughts that are NOTHING but destructive.

Good Luck, michelle

[greeninloanageles1]

I think we get that impression that we are not thin enough, because of the models, actors, etc. A lot of them are very thin and we unconciously compare ourselves to that "ideal".
Although the funny thing is that in the first half year raw I lost a lot of weight and in the second half I gained a few pounds(5 or so), and before my husband complained I was too thin, but now he commented that I am gaining weight... And did not seem very happy about it. I am happy either way.

[luckitri]

I know that I am kind of like this. I can see my fat but when I shop for clothes I still think of my size 5 self. I cannot look at clothing and tell if it is going to fit. I always will think of myself as the size 5 - so it is a misperception that my eyes and every part of me knows but I do not function accordingly.

[ShelShel]

Thank you for these posts. It's very reassuring to know I'm not alone. That this can change with time. And that there are other things besides my weight to deal with. Like what did I think the weight loss would fix? That now I feel it hasn't. Hummm.

I too had the family saying horrible things about my weight...I feel your pain. I'm sorry. That had to be horrible. But you can overcome those feelings. I actually have had to deal with that. I confronted the person who did this. They apologized. I must move on. It was amazing how to me it seemed so insignifigant to this person...they didn't mean it to come out that way...yet it scarred me for years. Ouch. Don't let this define who you are.

Secondly, I think part of my problem is those mixed signals from youth. I can remember being a size 7 as a teenager and my brother looking me up and down one day, his reply:"If you could lose a little weight, Shel, you would have a cute figure." Now...I'm about a size 3 and he says to me all the time, "Stop losing weight...you are too thin!" How can that be? In my youth a few pounds more was too heavy...now this is too thin? What's that all about? GRRRRRRRRRR. It makes me angry to realize after all the years his opinion still matters to me. At All!!!! It also goes to show...when you do anything in life do it for yourself...because everyone else has a different definition for who you should be...and you can never please them all!

My new motto: Live your raw life...for yourself! Be who you want to be...not for the approval of others, but because it makes you whole and beautiful...inside and out!

Thanks you guys for letting me vent...come to new understandings...and for letting me know...I'm not alone. (((HUGS)))

[Sharon in Colorado]

Secondly, I think part of my problem is those mixed signals from youth. I can remember being a size 7 as a teenager and my brother looking me up and down one day, his reply:"If you could lose a little weight, Shel, you would have a cute figure." Now...I'm about a size 3 and he says to me all the time, "Stop losing weight...you are too thin!" How can that be? In my youth a few pounds more was too heavy...now this is too thin? What's that all about? GRRRRRRRRRR. It makes me angry to realize after all the years his opinion still matters to me.

It may take a while, but it would help enormously if you can turn it around in your head from "his opinion effecting you" - to "his opinionated banter", you can see it for what it is - perhaps that he's never satisfied and feels like he always has to express his opinion on others.

Maybe you can even go so far as to ask where these comments are coming from? Why is it necessary to constantly tell you what HE sees wrong? He probably needs a lot of work in that area.