Self Sabotage!!!

[rawpriestess]

Most of you understand that as humans we identify with like minded people, we tend to live in groups, or have friends of like mind, and as we change in our beliefs, i.e. eating raw instead of cooked, sometimes our lives change in many other ways, people leave our lives, we move on in different jobs, we congregate in different places, i.e. juice bars, in stead of coffee houses.

And as we change, as we will inevitably do, we change our identity, I used to identify with being a belly dancer, now I don't do that, so I don't hang out with belly dancers anymore, I don't go to the shows, I don't buy all the pretty fabrics, although you couldn't tell by my home, which still looks like a cross between a Bedouin tent and a castle. LOL

But as we change our life styles, our life choices, we move on into different circles of friends, we may start exercising or we may start doing different things, and yet there may be part of us that doesn't want the change, or doesn't like the way that "NEW" part feels like.

Then we self sabotage.

We don't do this deliberately, but we do this in subtle ways, like eating just a bit cooked, so we go back up the scale, missing a workout, not returning a phone call of someone we would really like to get to know, because we don't feel comfortable in that new friendship.

we as humans deal with so many little subtle things in our lives, and yet, we continue to change.

I have noticed that I have been self sabotaging because I don't feel comfortable in my new skin, although I still weigh over 200 pounds, JUST BARELY, LOL, I don't feel comfortable that size, I feel comfortable and identify with myself at about 260, YIKES!!!

now what am I saying??? I am saying that the closer I get to 200 pounds, and I am mighty close, the more I want to eat cooked, the more I want to sabotage my weight loss, the more I want to hide in my cooked food addiction, the more I want to press down my feelings of whatever.

It isn't easy to be objective while dealing with yourself, it's really easy to see this behavior in someone else.

I can spot self sabotage a mile away, then I finally had to acknowledge that -- that is exactly what I have been doing to myself.

I was at 203 just a couple of days ago, now I am at 214, what happened?

I bloated up, I ate some wheat and salt, and I gained a bunch of bloat, now I know it can go away really quickly, and I know I ate the wheat because of some weird reason, but the REAL reason I ate it was that I didn't feel comfortable at 203, and I probably won't for a while.

So, what do I do now?

I can recommit to raw, that would be a start, IF I'm ready, but I'm not sure I'm ready, I probably need to look at for what purpose was my weight/size serving me, and do some inner work to release the need for the weight.

I would suppose it has something to do with keeping men away from me, but that hasn't worked, I'm still going out with a bunch of guys, so the weight isn't a deterant.

Maybe I am keeping myself heavy for some other purpose, and I don't know what that is.

I thought my ex maybe left me because I was getting thinner and he was threatened, but I doubt that is the real reason he left, I thought maybe that I was trying to protect myself from sex, but I doubt that too.

There are countless reasons that we can self sabotage, and yet, we may never know exactly what they are.

I do know that everything is perfect in the Universe, so my weight, no matter where it is -- is perfect, and I know that I can lose this or not, easily.

I also know that no matter what I do with my weight, that my ex won't come back, so I can release that.

and I know that I am me, no matter what my size.

I used to think that I wasn't important enough to matter, because I was short, and yet, many people are short and hold high ranks in many fields.

I suppose this may come from the fact that my mom was 5'8" and I am only 5'4" and I was the shortest by many inches in my entire family of 6'3" and 5'10" so, that may be something to that, it could be also why I put on weight as a child, to be a BIG girl, I've thought about that wording too.

So, no matter what the reasoning is, I feel better on raw, and I was very content eating 100% raw for many months, so I've hit a stumbling block-- as it were -- and I will get through this, or over this, or around this. LOL

But get past 200, I will do that is for sure.

I just need to allow it to be okay, that I am that size, and make sure to BE that size, and really be okay with it, no matter what my mind is telling me, or my past beliefs are reasoning.

I just wanted to post this, because I know if I am feeling this way, then maybe others are too, and maybe somehow this may help you.

I know that when I read posts I often relate to them and feel at least I'm not alone in my feelings.

So, whether you are self sabotaging or just wish to say something, please feel free to post in this thread.

We are all here for support, and help, and sometimes I don't know which one I'm doing, but I know typing all this out helps me vent, and think and relate to others.

Now, I've eaten all raw 100% today, I'm going out to dinner with friends, so my plan is to eat all raw 100% TONIGHT TOO, I'll let you know how I do.

But no matter whether I eat all raw or not, I'm still me, I will make my best choices and I'll post again.

I do think eating 100% raw is the best for me, and all beings actually.

I do think that committing to somehthing is a good thing and I do think that my choices matter in this Universe.

So, my choice right now is to be 100% raw today, I'll think about tomorrow -- when it comes, but today, I'm going to eat `100% raw, and be happy with those choices.

Because today is all I have, I may have tomorrow, and I may not, but I do know that I'll be happier with myself for sticking with my convictions, and knowing that I am doing the best thing I can for my body.

Now, that I've posted all of this, I have you all to answer to. and I will come back and be honest with what I did or didn't eat.

wish me luck, I may be the Rawpriestess, but I am not infalible. LOL

[Revvell]

Excellent post and excellent example of upper limits.

Explanation ~ When one reaches an upper limit, one needs to break wayyyy through (in this case going from 260 down to 203) so that when they go back, they stop before going alllll the waaaay back ~ (in this case 214). Now it seems, you'll maybe hang out there until you're comfortable in your new skin then maybe go waaaaay below 203 and when you self-sabatoge again, you'll be around 200.

This happens in so many areas. Wealth is another one. How many people get to where they've got more money than they've ever had before, then lose it all and go back to and even below where they started? The difference between them and RP is ~ awareness. RP is maintaining and examing what's going on. The why's and the wherefores. Most people don't.

This is a great and supportive thread so others can realize ~~ we're ALL human. We ALL self-sabatoge yet, many of us have no idea why we are doing it or even that we, and we alone are responsible.

Thank you for having the courage to put this out here Christine.

Revvell

[being]

Wow, yes thank you RawPriestess.

I am really waking up to my own self sabotage right now, so reading your thoughts really hit me over the head a few times.

Ow!

I am afraid to really look at the emotion that is surfacing, hidden under a coping strategy or two...

There are some beliefs I've been clinging to that I need to release, and I'm afraid of that.

Because I have to admit to myself I was wrong.
Because I'll have to confront some less than pretty realities about my current state of becoming.

I hit up the grains/salt too ... strange...

Anyway, I concur with Revvell who put it so well:

" The difference between them and RP is ~ awareness. RP is maintaining and examing what's going on. The why's and the wherefores. Most people don't.

This is a great and supportive thread so others can realize ~~ we're ALL human. We ALL self-sabatoge yet, many of us have no idea why we are doing it or even that we, and we alone are responsible.

Thank you for having the courage to put this out here Christine."


I ask for the courage to do the hard work, like you are doing.
I've been plateauing for quite a few months. Weight wise, Growth wise, Expanding Awareness wise...

Time to turn the corner and head back toward the light ;)

Thank you again for sharing. Always Inspirational, Highly Motivational....

[Seren]

Time for my confession. I self sabotage every day that I am doing well on raw.

Today for example, I have been reading RawNoras website recently and so I decided to not eat until I felt true hunger. I didn't eat until after college (3:15PM) and I still hadn't reached true hunger. I was about to go to work so I decided that I needed food before I went, and so I had a papaya (I had decided on this before I had got home from college).

Once I had had the papaya, my digestive system had woken up, and obviously had not yet registered that I had eaten enough. So I had a banana, a small mango, some cashew nuts and some cacao nibs. Ate them so fast that my stomach had not realised yet still that I had had enough. Then I had a fig. Then a bowl of muesli (non raw with soya milk). Then I had some guacamole in some cabbage leaves. I ate all of this within half an hour.

This in my eyes is self sabotage as I had decided to eat only when hungry, for one thing, and wait 20mins after food before eating something else to give my brain a chance to register that Im full, for a second thing.

I was ashamed but I though to myself, you are still doing well, the only bad thing youve eaten is muesli and soya milk.

I go to work and all is fine, Im not hungry (clearly after all that food I ate!), then my boyfriend picks me up and we go back to his house, I have an apple. Still going well.

I plan to come back to my house and go straight to bed, not eat anything.

In reality, I come into the house, there is cooked food about. I give in to my cravings and have a quorn mayonnaise and lettuce sandwich. Then a peanut butter sandwich. Then a marmite and almond butter sandwich (None of which I am truly enjoying, but which I feel a compulsive need to eat).

THEN I have a bowl of cereal with soya milk and soya yoghurt.

Self sabotage? Definately. I was doing so well, and for some unknown reason I went and ruined it all. I could have gone into the kitchen, seen the food, thought nothing of it and got a glass of water, and went to bed.

WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT? Well, to be honest, everything.

[solarliving]

Aargh! Self- Sabotage. I have recently addressed this with smoking. I did a lot of muscle testing and seriously could not find the reason as to why I would sabotage myself. I have probably tapped on over 300 things in regards to smoking. So I just tapped on the need to sabotage myself for whatever reason. I actually quit for 11 months by EFT-tapping. At that time Rebellion was at the core and I quit very easily after I tapped on that. Then started by smoking 1 clove with my sister during the holidays. Of course that lead to another a few months later when she was visiting. Stress came and guess what I did? Bought a pack of cloves. Smoked 10 in 1 night (I was drinking). I wanted it out of my body so badly I rode my bike hungover in turbulent wind. Yet..still Continued to smoke after that. I have cut back in the last 2 days due to some serious tapping on sabotage and some old sadness. I went way back to when I started, at the age of 12. Balled my eyes out. I know we have talked about EFT before and this could help with what you are going through. Have you thought about getting rid of the scale? So you don't know what weight you are? I don't have one. I don't believe in them.

If you need that website it is:
http://theamt.com/modules.php?name=N...rticle&sid=201

The Set-up Phrase is below

Start by rubbing the sore spot,(on the chest between sternum and arm) thinking of the situation and stating the setup phrase:
Even though Â…Â…Â…Â…Â…. I deeply and completely accept myself or Even though Â…Â…Â…Â…Â…. I choose toÂ…Â…Â…Â…Â…. (do this 3 times)

2. Tap on each point, repeating the main part of the phrase: Meaning the Statement. This issue, this pain etcc..

3. Breathe deeply in and out at the end.Repeat steps 2 and 3 until you feel your unwanted reaction to the setup phrase has reduced. If you feel you need to change the wording in the setup phrase then go back to step 1, otherwise continue with steps 2 and 3.

You may need to get your brain more involved with the process. The following exercise accesses all parts of your brain and often speeds up the EFT process.Do this exercise at the end of a round.Keep tapping on the gamut point (back of the hand, web between pinky and ring finger) and keep your head still whilst doing the following:Look up quicklyLook down quicklyLook leftLook rightMove your eyes in a clockwise direction as if you are reading all the numbers on a clockMove your eyes in an anti clockwise-directionCount 1 2 3 4 5Hum a few notes such as the first line of Happy BirthdayCount 1 2 3 4 5

What I really respect about EFT is that the person who created it wants the technique to be available to everyone, for free.

[my_sunshine]

I think acknowledging it is more than half the battle. So many people choose not to look within themselves for the answers. You are aware of what you are doing, and you are searching. You've almost won the battle. Now you just need to decide if you are ready to face yourself.

I wish you all the best. I hope tonight went well for you, regardless of your eating choices, and that you had fun and enjoyed yourself.

[GreenPrince]

Don't blame yourself, rp. You did everything right. Don't worry. You will succeed.
What happened to you is a quite normal but fascinating phenomenon, described in several fields of knowledge.

Maybe I can write a few lines Saturday afternoon, New York time.
It's in the middle of the night here and I have to go to sleep.

[girlsmiley]

Thanks RP for your honesty and enlightenment.

That is exactly what I have been going through - self-sabotage - and I didn't know what it was - yet now it makes perfect sense.

I am still a newbie at this and I did so good in September yet through most of October I have been craving, and giving in to cravings, more than I've been eating raw.

I know I feel so much better when I'm eating raw and after a huge binge last night I was so bloated this morning I didn't want to go out in public ... so much so that I called my boss and asked to take a vacation day.

I just got the Green For Life book and I plan to start back on track in the a.m. by starting my day with a green smoothie ... I know this is the life I want. Fresh and raw!

I am so thankful for this site/community!

[rawfigure]

RP, what a thought envoking thread, and good replies. I love this forum for such posts as these. Right now I cannot comment to much on it as I need to think on it as I see myself in this post. Hmmm..... interesting.

One thing I do want to point out is Yes ! it is so important to accept oneself where we are at at this MOMENT...even if we are there for awhile..before we can move to the next level.

[Conscious Midwife]

Another layer removed...BRAVO!!!!

Been there and still there in some areas.

[Sharon in Colorado]

Fantastic thought RP. Yes, sometimes we are inhibited about succeeding, even moreso than failing and it causes so many road blocks to our path to healing, but we'll get there.

Let us know how the dinner went, and whatever you had, you know we support you 100% because you are on your journey, you're on it with a smooth or bumpy road, and you will keep moving ahead!

[romanticsnet]

Wow RP. That was powerful, and yet describes me exactly. I have been on this constant wheat/salt binge for the past 2 weeks....ever since I came off the 3 week fast. People kept remarking about how great I looked, and yet, I was very uncomfortable thinking in the back of my head that I will gain most of it back due to water retention, and the like. I WAS doing it for mental clarity though, and not for weight loss, but people kept going on an on... and it made me scared when I realized that I would probably not keep most of it off. (I know I should stay and think positive!) I just kept sabotaging myself. And now... I am SO stressed about this Halloween Party I am supposed to be going to next weekend. I feel like a HUGE pig! I mean I am REALLy swollen! I keep telling myself to go on another fast if only to get this water weight off...(when I fast i can stay away from everything!) but then I also tell myself to just be raw, and not worry about it so much.

Problem is, that I am always hitting these weird stumbling blocks and cravings 2 weeks before my period. I am like a CRAVING INSATIABLE lunatic! I have tried stuffing myself with bananas, and fruit, but I always end up hungry! Then cooked starts rearing its ugly head again... and I start eating rice with soy sauce and cereal with rice milk. I crave all things salty... and yet there is this raw pie and cake in the fridge that does not interest me in the least bit! Nuts do not interest me either anymore... and I feel horrible after eating them. Salad is not interesting me either!

Does anyone know a good natural way to supress my appetite? Or is this caused by my stress?

I am also feeling guilt because when I went on my 3 week fast, I stopped working out completely, because I read somewhere that you should let your body rest while fasting...( I was woking out for at least 4 months, 6 days a week!) After the 3 weeks of no workouts, I didn't have the energy to start working out again! I am MISERABLE and mad at myself!

I guess I just needed to let it ALL out!

[rawpriestess]

Hi my dear raw family,


Thanks for all the wonderful words of encouragement, and thanks for all your honesty in posting, I know it's sometimes hard to really look at ourselves.

Well, I decided NOT to go out tonight, and before I could call my friend to tell them, they called me to say they couldn't make it, how cool was that?

So, I stayed home and made some raw veggie soup, and had a nectarine for dessert, I was going to have my decadant brownies, but wanted something lighter, I may have another nectarine, as it was soooooo good.

I am also having orange juice, and tea, my favorite drinks.

So, so far so good, I am 100% raw as we speak, have been all day, and tomorrow I have a brunch date, so we are going to this place that serves the most beautiful and lavish fresh fruit plate around, it is totally yummy, so I'm ordering that.

So, I am feelling so much better about myself, I know that all of this is a process, I did some inner work and just told myself that whatever we do is perfect for right now, and we can stay here at 214 for a while, or we can go up or down, that it really doesn't matter, as long as we are comfortable with ourselves, and that seemed to help me feel better.

I think maybe I was trying to achieve a certain number on the scale, then it freaked me out, or maybe I was trying to be someone who I'm not (YET), or maybe I was -- well, who knows what I was doing. LOL

I am feeling better about my chocies now, and I'm feeling like I can keep at my 100% rawness for today, and we'll start tomorrow as another 100% raw day, and just keep going.

I do realize, that in the past, I have had three good days of 100% raw, then the wheat cravings kick in, so I will be especially careful about my choices in a couple of days, but right now, today, this minute, I'm 100% raw, and that is all I'm going to think about right now.

So, thanks for all of your support, I'm glad a few people could relate to my thoughts, and my post.

I know we are all here to learn and to help each other, and I appreciate all of you so very much, as my support, and my friends.

So, thank you for being YOU, and

WE RAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rawpriestess]

Excellent post and excellent example of upper limits.

Explanation ~ When one reaches an upper limit, one needs to break wayyyy through (in this case going from 260 down to 203) so that when they go back, they stop before going alllll the waaaay back ~ (in this case 214). Now it seems, you'll maybe hang out there until you're comfortable in your new skin then maybe go waaaaay below 203 and when you self-sabatoge again, you'll be around 200.

This happens in so many areas. Wealth is another one. How many people get to where they've got more money than they've ever had before, then lose it all and go back to and even below where they started? The difference between them and RP is ~ awareness. RP is maintaining and examing what's going on. The why's and the wherefores. Most people don't.

This is a great and supportive thread so others can realize ~~ we're ALL human. We ALL self-sabatoge yet, many of us have no idea why we are doing it or even that we, and we alone are responsible.

Thank you for having the courage to put this out here Christine.

Revvell

Revvell, I found your post to be of major help to me, I knew it was a boundary issue, and it is so much more clear with your post, thank you.

I appreciate your words so much.

[spicyfull]

I wish you everything you Need to Stay RAW...................