Such a Letdown (Warning - Negativity Overdose Potential Very High..)

[Jordann]

Ok, I'm trying really hard to not be too hard on myself...

A. I've been eating a lot of cooked food yesterday and today and thus feel miserable, depressed and without hope. Not to mention sluggish, foggy, confused, tired and overweight.

B. Just a few days ago I was all gung-ho to go 100%, feeling optimistic and energetic, and eating basically entirely raw most days of the week.

C. For some reason I think that if I THINK this out long enough I'll figure it out! I'm such an over-analyzer

D. I'm basically really lonely and totally freaked out because I realized my 'calling' and I'm terrified by it. My family doesn't understand or they don't agree, thus the support they are able to offer just ain't cuttin' the, uh, mango...

E. WHY WHY WHY can't I get this raw thing happening?!? Why do I eat cooked food when I feel anxious or uncomfortable even though I know at the very moment I'm doing it that I'm going to feel 10x worse in about 7 minutes? What kind of messed up neural pathways are crossing here? Sheesh!

Honestly, I feel like I have ZERO willpower and I'm a total loser. I'm being way too hard on myself, and I'm so impatient and I want to feel better now, not in 4 months. I want the cravings for cooked stuff to be gone *poof* and I want some flow, you know?

I want I want I want... man, this is really a BAD day It's interesting how drastically my outlook and thoughts can change due to 2 hours of cooked binge eating. Actually, it's downright ugly.

I need some inspiration, motivation, divine intervention! I don't know. I need to let go is what I need to do...

(Apologies all round for this dreadful load of ****)

[Coriander74]

*hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

ok ... this rings a bell with me. It may sound awful, but part of the reason I've been going to therapy is because I have a habit of derailing myself just when I'm about to succeed. People have told me that I seem to be afraid of success, and more comfortable with failure. How's that for a nice topic of conversation!

I've fought eating disorders, awful relationships, and I've fought myself for years. Going raw hasn't always been easy but I have found that each day I'm raw, I "win". I totally understand what you mean about eating something even when it's going to make you feel worse.

Try this... try thinking instead of "if I'm eating this I'm going to feel like crap", think "I'm going to eat this orange and I'm going to feel it nourish my body and make me stronger." or "I can eat 6 bananas and my body will love me, and I will love my body."

When you are feeling lonely, and that you don't get support where you are, log onto this board and go through the journals, or look at the before and after photos on Alissa's site www.alissacohen.com ... such motivation and inspiration!!

Cravings will be there while you detox, but there are crafty ways of getting around them. If you want sugar, try making RawPriestess's brownies. Those have gotten me through MANY hard times. Make banana "ice cream" and sprinkle some crushed up cacao nibs on there.

You can do this :)
And you're not a loser. It's always some work when you change your life.

[eatyourbroccoli]

E. WHY WHY WHY can't I get this raw thing happening?!? Why do I eat cooked food when I feel anxious or uncomfortable even though I know at the very moment I'm doing it that I'm going to feel 10x worse in about 7 minutes? What kind of messed up neural pathways are crossing here? Sheesh!

habit.

its taken me a year to move from normal SAD to veggie to vegan to high raw. im still not 100%. but ive learned along the way that the more you force it, the harder it is. nobody is perfect, and when raw is right for you, itll happen.

:)

[codajess]

*sigh* I feel you.

I havent had a problem staying raw. Then, like a week ago, I said "I want a veggie whopper." and went and got one. and then got chips. and the next day got taco bell. and so on. Suddenly NOTHING raw sounds good. I look in my fridge and I made myself eat kiwis this morning, and they just tasted blah. Then went to Chili's for lunch with my mom. Then had taco bell for dinner. Ugh. I feel horrible. I feel fat and bloated. It isn't helping my skin any.
And I've been having issues with my stupid neighbor. I finally got her to take her kid's toys INSIDE the apartment building and stop blasting her music/tv while leaving her apartment door wide open for the rest of us to enjoy. That took THREE times over the past 7 months or however long she's lived here, of politely asking her to close her door (mind you, i've NEVER asked her to turn it down. Simply close her door.) Then I resorted to talking to the office twice. She got a noise citation and was told to not leave ANY toys in the hallway. I shouldn't have to move three bicycles to get up to my apartment at 2 am. *grumble moan* NOW, I finally get my brand new car. I had it FOUR days and already she's put a big like 7-line scrape into my front passenger door and a dent in my back passenger door. I'm pretty damn livid. a;sdlkfjas;dfla;dflkajsdf;lkajsdf;laksjdf;lasdkjf; aldsfjasdf.


I'm having one of those days. Weeks? years? whatever.


Sorry to hijack your thread. lol. I didn't want to start my own to just whine.

[Jordann]

Thanks for replying - what's worse than actually confessing your humiliation to a bunch of strangers and feeling like a loser, and then not even getting replies!?! See, I AM a total bum (If pessimism were the formula for bliss I'd be on cloud nine 24/7)

codajess - I hope this doesn't come across wrong, but I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling. There are so many incredible, wonderful SUCCESS stories and at times like these, I feel pretty incompetent or something. I am telling myself to chill out, and the next thing to pass my lips will be raw.. maybe pineapple or peaches..

Coriander - Yes - This is something I get a lot

I have a habit of derailing myself just when I'm about to succeed. People have told me that I seem to be afraid of success, and more comfortable with failure.

Ugh, I just feel SO rough right now

eatyourbroccoli - first of all, my goodness you are BEAUTIFUL!

nobody is perfect, and when raw is right for you, itll happen.

This makes sense and I want to agree, yet I resist it because part of me says, well raw IS right for me, and it's what I need now, and it's still not happening! Then it becomes this personal failure, like above... failure is more comfortable

If I don't push myself, then I'll never get there! Or so I worry...

[chilove]

Don't worry. I'm sure everyone who goes raw has gone through this. It is not easy to change overnight. Permanent change is entirely possible, but it takes some determination, preparation and planning. You need to work on changing your mind set and on putting food back in balance in your life. You can do this. Really. Staying present is the best thing you can do. Don't tune out when you are eating cooked. Stay very focused and aware and think about how it will really make you feel and I promise it won't be as fun. Do lots of positive affirmations to change those associations in your brain. You DO need to build new neural pathways in your brain. Most of all, DON'T be hard on yourself. Give yourself lots of credit for even attempting this. Love yourself and nurture yourself with non-food related stuff so that you won't be so tempted to nurture yourself with cooked food. Changing one's diet permanently is one of the absolutley hardest things a person can attempt. It does get easier though, I promise. :-)

All the best,

Audrey
www.rawhealing.com

[codajess]

codajess - I hope this doesn't come across wrong, but I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling. There are so many incredible, wonderful SUCCESS stories and at times like these, I feel pretty incompetent or something. I am telling myself to chill out, and the next thing to pass my lips will be raw.. maybe pineapple or peaches..

No, it didn't come across wrong. I think you're absolutely right. Sometimes it's frustrating to think "Why is it so easy for <insert name here> and not for me? What is it that I'm doing wrong??" and that goes for everything worth having, not just being raw. We'll putt along doing the best we can! :) Tomorrow is a new day, dammit!

[Lay-Lay]

Been there.....Hugs!

It took me nearly 3 years to finally go 100% again. Cooked food for me is an addiction. I went cold turkey 3 yrs ago and stayed 100% raw for 4 1/2 months then fell off and just did mid to high raw for a very long time and struggled trying to go 100% again, but was unable at those times. Breakthroughs and wake up calls in my health finally pushed me to the next level. I feel strong this time (as I know you will be in your time in the very near future, but what you don't realize is that you are strong now) I have been raw now for nearly 3 1/2 months and I feel this is part of me and how I will eat from now till forever. Everyday brings it own challenges. I just focus on today and trust that tommorow I will be cared for. You will reach you goals. Just keep embracing each new challenge that comes your way. I admire those who learn of raw one day and start and go 100% from that point and on forever, but some of us come with different levels of baggage and must take steps to climb the ladder. What does it matter how we get there as long as we DO get there. YOU CAN DO IT! I am cheering you on!

[juliebove]

Perhaps it is the gung ho type thing that is tripping you up. I don't personally understand that because I just don't get that way about anything. But I do know a lot of people with an all or nothing attitude and it really doesn't seem to work for them in the long haul. What I would do is pat yourself on the back every time you do something in the right direction.

[misslinda]

Ok, I'm trying really

C. For some reason I think that if I THINK this out long enough I'll figure it out! I'm such an over-analyzer

I need to let go is what I need to do...

*smiles * Wow, I've said that to my therapist before "..............THINK of this long enough..........I'll figure it out"

It's almost like an obsessive fixation of its own (thinking)---and I realized that deep down insdie, I had some level of fear. Then I had to ask myself what was the underlying fear. Do you think that the THINKING offers a misguided [perception] of DOING ???

Your bolded statment answered your inner angst......... ;) if we can just let go of the ,,,,,,,,,

should have
could have
must do
didnt' do
etc
etc

we would have more energy,time and love for

will do
can do
can have
did do
do have
etc etc..........


this very moment. :)

Build your success! ;)

[JEN]

When I am struggling with the temptation of cooked I sit down and read something positive, inspiring and uplifting......The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer is my favorite, what is yours??? This helps me tremendously in changing my thoughts that very instant. Thougths create reality.....remind yourself all day long how much you love raw foods and how great they make you feel. Practice training yourself to change your thoughts whenever youre thinking of something you dont want to think about. This has been my saving grace at keeping me raw even though I cook for my family daily.
Jordann, you are not a loser.....you know you want to be raw and thats a start. Most people out there havent even gotten that far. If you eat SAD, dont beat yourself up just think about what you will eat raw. Thougts create reality.....the more you think about the cooked you ate, the more cooked you will eat....so just set the thought free.....put it in a baloon and let it go. Smile and be happy that its gone, and give yourself a big hug. We luv you!
Codajess....thats exactly how I was on SAD. Funny how eating cooked sets us off so easily. Before raw I was always aggravated about something....a neighbor, a coworker, someone who cut me off on the road or sometimes just myself for no reason at all. Sorry about your annoying neighbor, that is never fun. As far as your cravings.....make some raw tacos, guacamole and sourcream...Yum. Cooked foods alter your taste buds and its like having to start all over with raw again. The kiwi would have been delicious if you could have tasted the actual kiwi. You have some inspiring posts in this forum girl....I have faith in you!!! Take a few deep breaths and come on back . By the way, luv your new pic.

[Jordann]

This forum is so incredible. You are all wonderful, warm, compassionate and so very encouraging.

Thank you Thank you Thank you.

...the more you think about the cooked you ate, the more cooked you will eat....so just set the thought free..

Thankyou! This really clarifies my hypervigilant, overanalyzation (?) excessive thinking compulsion

I was thinking constantly about all the junk I was eating, and you're right, I just kept eating more of it.

Tomorrow, Friday, is going to be a big test for me. My sister has asked me to cook her and her visiting boyfriend a special dinner, and wants me to join - I love to cook for other people, and usually am compelled to join (because I have this problem with the word "yes" tumbling out of my mouth quicker than I can blink)

Since I have already committed to cooking them this dinner I am going to say something along the lines of "think of me as your personal chef this evening, and enjoy it just the 2 of you" so that I can go out on the back deck and drink some green juice or carrot peach ginger juice (mmm :) ) and then we all can be happy.

Whad'ya think?

I don't even want to think about the ridiculous afternoon/evening I had. This is the first binge I've had in more than 2 months --- after slowly moving out of my binge eating phase that came from the bulimic mindset... yeah, there's so much going on and I seem to wait until I'm nearly drowning in the middle of the ocean during a dark and stormy night before I start yelling for a rope.

I let myself zone out and just eat, which is falling back into an old coping strategy, and I gosh it's hard to not beat myself up and say I know better etcetera..... I just wish I didn't feel so horribly full and sticky and well, fat right now.

There is something missing which I am still attempting to use food to remedy. Raw or not, food is not the answer, it's not the key I need for this door.

I find it very strange, yet this online forum stuff is extremely therapeutic, and I feel a lot lighter/stronger/more confident in my decisions whenver I post and read posts and interact however minimally... It's an incredible resource I'm learning to tap, I look forward to sharing some wonderful HAPPY post with you all soon

Ok, so all that said, I've never tried taking a few days and only drinking fresh juices before, so that is what I'm going to do. Let's be honest here: Partly because I think I ate enough to last 3 days and I want to feel lighter and clearer - partly because I've always been somehow afraid of fasting, afraid of going without food, and it's time to kick that bucket outta my way - there ain't no time like the now.

Even just a day. I already feel my cells rejoicing

Bless you all - Really. How does one express the magnitude of gratitude through a plastic keyboard? ;)

[Jordann]

Do you think that the THINKING offers a misguided [perception] of DOING ???

YES YES YES!

It is so much safer to think and misleading believe I'm doing something. SOOOOOO much safer, according to my ego, who I recently came head to head with and discovered she's a bit of nut

(walnut or brazil preferrably)

Again, clarification! Thankyou!!!!

I just love it, how I am constantly reminded that I'm unique, just like everybody else ;)

[DavidZaneMason]

Thoughts / Opinions:

-Do you feel bad because some outside circumstances are making you feel bad? Or are you just comparing the situation you are in NOW - with some 'other' situation?

-You see....it is the comparison in our minds that distratcts us away from our true paths. The obligation for the master is the same as the obligation for the novice (and is equally difficult)....to put one foot in front of the other.....from where we are right NOW.

-Listen: There are no raw food police. There IS a level of raw food that you ARE comfortable with right now.....and can feel successful at. START with that....and stretch in small ways from there. If you 'fail' then backtrack and set smaller goals.

-It is the action of setting these small-goals and succeeding that wires your brain for success....and sets the stage for large-scale success.

-You cannot help ONE other person in the world by disturbing your own harmony. You cannot make ONE other person happy by feeling bad yourself.

-David Mason

[Conscious Midwife]

Check out My Cross Roads Thread

I went thru something similiar just a few weeks ago.


Since you like to analyze take he tie o write down on paper the pros and cons of SAD vs. RAW. be very detailed, and do this when you've got plenty of time.

Your at a place called emotional tension. Pain on one side, happy every after on the other and your in the middle. Your emotional tension is not uncomfortable enough for you to take a complete stance a stick to the Raw side.

Ex.
Eliminating meat alone from my diet allows me to feel wonderful, physically. No joint pain, no slugishness etc... I've known this for about 5 years.Every since I had a car wreck, jint pain due to the high uric acid out put. The pain is similiar to gout when I consume. Every now an then I would push the envelope and eat a chicken nugget. and then have PAIN for 2 days when i wake in the morning. I had to negotiate wanting temporary 2min taste bud satisfaction vs. all morning pain.


You will get to a place where you want all that you know to be good for you more than you want SAD! Congrats on the journey, enjoy the ride :)