Many times I read that we "should" be unconditionally loving. I dis-agree. To me that is basically tantamount to being unconsious, unaware and non-discerning.
I am basically loving. That is my nature yet, I am not the sunshine where I will give my love to any and every one who crosses my path.
In all the relationships I've been in, including my current one, I create boundaries ~ flexible ones yet, boundaries nonetheless. If someone crosses that boundary, loving stops. Can I just turn it off like that? seems so.
What would the boundaries be? One is, never to be hit in anger. THAT is a hard limit with me. While I may still love this person, I will not love his actions and s/he would not be given a chance to do so again.
Another would be lying. Hard limit. I use to hear how people say they lied to protect my feelings. No. They lied to cover their butts, or because they were afraid of a response they might receive. I don't have those kind of people in my life anymore so this is not an occurence. The people in my life treat me as an adult and generally feel I am capable of handling my feelings and do not try to manipulate them.
My love is generally freely given to people who have shown themselves to be worthy of receiving such and what do I base this on? Mostly on how they treat themselves, me and others and that is with courtesy and respect.
For instance ~ I once met a man for dinner who I'd "met" only on the internet. After dinner we walked to his car which was parked in a disabled parking slot. I asked why this is. He said he had the placard from when he'd injured his back and used it when he couldn't easily find a place to park. Any respect I had for this person plummeted. He is still in my circle of acquaintances and I give him respect as a human being.
Now for someone near and dear to my heart who is my husband. Even here, unconditional love? No, my love is given with conditions. As I said above ~ being hit in anger is one of those conditions. Cleaning out our bank accounts and going back to Europe ~ oooops! One of those conditions. (And no, this is not what's going on ~ only possible yet not probable, examples).
The reason I am bringing this up is, people use words w/out really considering what they mean. This phrase is one of them.
Another is about being judgemental. I wrote about that in my "musings" on one of my websites and suffice it to say ~ everyone judges. If they didn't they'd be friends with any and everyone who wanted to befriend them. In truth, most people decide ~ through judgement and discernement ~ who they will spend time with, how they will spend their day ~ etc.
As a matter of fact, check your judgement against what I have said above. In all probability you were judging not only what I said yet me, as well. lol
I'm sure there will be comments.
I do not love everyone I see. In fact I'm not even entirely sure what "love" is. I remember asking this question of my parents when I was a child. They couldn't answer it. And I still don't know.
However, I do distinguish between "love" and "like". Sometimes my daughter will do something wrong and she knows she should not have done it. I will tell her, "I love you, but I don't like what you did." Sometimes she will say horrid things to me, or maybe even hit me. Then I will say, "I still love you, but I don't like you at the moment."
I've had to tell people that I could not have them in my life unless things changed. I still love those people, but that doesn't mean I want them in my life. In one case, the person was heavily involved with drugs, alcohol and illegal activities. She began lying and was blaming me for things that she herself did. That was the last straw. I will always have the memories of our good times together. Yet I could not go down that path with her where her life was leading. I did tell her that she was welcome to call me when she was clean and sober. That never happened. The call that is. Whether she got clean and sober, I do not know.
I've had relatives (albeit distant ones) who have done bad things in their lives. I really don't want to get into the specifics on this forum. But things that are illegal or that I do not approve of. That did not stop my love for them. But it did make me not like them and not want them in my life. Some of them are no longer with us. Some still are. They live in other states so I am generally not in contact with them. I recognize them at holiday times. They get a card or letter from me. We are still related. One of these people I do not like very much. The other, I do like, a lot. He's very personable. He's honest. He doesn't lie. But he does have a lot of problems and does things that I believe are not right. So for those reasons, he is not in my life except on a distant basis.
Thank you for your input. Seems you've done a bit of "soul-searching" and chosen how you wish to live and who you wish to celebrate your life with, yes?
It is funny you posted this Revvvvvel. There are people in my life I love but don't really like. I try to treat them with respect when these people are put in my path. It doesn't mean that I have to overextend myself, but in the situation I am in I am cordial.
Raw Step by Step
"We can do anything we want to do if we stick with it long enough." Helen Keller
Good one Revvell. You cannot really love anyone else unless you love yourself. Loving yourself is having boundaries and respect for yourself.
Love comes in many forms.
Somettimes, love is distancing yourself from someone to teach them they did something wrong.
Love is not bondage. It's freedom.
Just because you love someone, does not mean you have the capability of loving perfectly.
Love is its own reason for being.
Many times, ,love means saying good bye.... and.....
somettimes it means letting go....
Love cannot be fit into a square
box in a round world... it has too many definitions.
Love is opening your heart to someone and risking being hurt.
I would choose to have loved and lost,
then to have never loved at all.
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