That's not ME, that's my disease.

[Purl]

That's my new motto. I was watching Oprah yesterday and there was a mom who was an alcoholic. I don't know her exact words but it was something to the effect that SHE isn't a bad person-that she has a disease. She said she learned to separate the 2. SHE is still there, but the disease lives inside her. And this really hit home with me and my food issues. *I* am not a bad person, but sometimes I listen to the DISEASE tell me what to eat, rather than listen to ME. I mean, my disease wants to KILL me-so of course I'm not gonna get good advice from It. So I had been binging (steak and fritos-ewwww!) after 3 days of raw, right before this thought came to me. I put down the meat and walked away. My disease called me back a few times but I was able to say "No-that is my disease talking and I'm not gonna feed It." Later-I wanted to eat a few more fritos, so I said it again in my head. I have had to say it several times this morning, but I have begun to differentitate (sp?) between the 2. Cravings are from my disease and It tries to rationalize bad choices. It wants to kill me-either thru STARVATION or COMPULSIVE overeating. It's doesnt' care-as long as It makes me suffer and steals my joy. But I won't let it win.

*I* am stronger than It.

[dreamrawalwz]

Thank you for that. I watched Oprah, but I guess I never thought of it in terms that way until you related it to food. Anorexia and bulimia are NOT who I am. They do not make my identity (anymore).

[Lunar*Fey]

That is wonderful. Thanks for sharing it too as learning that has helped me and I'm sure it will help others :)
Also, like in that video (maybe its called The Secret?) that someone posted on this board...What we HAVE done or said or felt like does not define who we are now and who we are going to be. But by putting words and time and energy into thinking or talking about or analyzing who we once were and what we once did we are causing ourselves to remain that way.

[paleogirl]

I'm sorry, but addiction is a choice, not a disease... It's offensive to those of us with REAL diseases to call these personal behavioural choices 'dieseases'. Everyone who is of sound mind is responsible for their own behaviour.

That said, it can be amazingly helpful to separate the person from the problem - in fact, admitting the behaviour is a choice (made by the addicted part of you) is a first major step in recovery. Check this out:

http://www.rational.org/

[dreamrawalwz]

I'm sorry, but addiction is a choice, not a disease... It's offensive to those of us with REAL diseases to call these personal behavioural choices 'dieseases'. Everyone who is of sound mind is responsible for their own behaviour.

That said, it can be amazingly helpful to separate the person from the problem - in fact, admitting the behaviour is a choice (made by the addicted part of you) is a first major step in recovery. Check this out:

http://www.rational.org/

From what I understand, chemical changes take place in the disorders of depression, alcoholism, anorexia, ect. and the person physcially can NOT change their actions without major assistance and guidance. They are diseases of the brain. There are MANY diseases out there. Some can be cured more quickly then others. I didn't not choose be develope anorexia and bulimia. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's not a choice when your brain (there are basically two sides) tells you all the bad things and if you don't listen you're a horrible person. Admitting the problem could be a choice yes, but you have to get to that point of the illness that you're no longer in denial. For me it became natural and I dind't feel I had a problem at all.

[lavendarJ]

I just want to say that I wish anyone who is suffering or struggling the best and hope for your complete healing. I think the posted comments to Purl's post are quite interesting. They say a lot about how we are raised and what we may or may not have experienced in our lives. I believe in the power of our words. I believe that many many times, we set in motion events and situations just by what we speak into the universe. If saying "I am stronger than it" brings you a level of peace then so be it. I believe in you and I believe that we all have everything we need within ourselves in order to be happy, whole and complete. Let's face it, life happens and sometimes experiences or choices open us up to distractions, struggles, or situations that were not meant for us. Life happens. A lot of times, we may fall back on old habits or ways of living because we are accustomed to the struggle(and because as strange as it may seem, the struggle can become comfortable) and it can be kind of scary thinking about what new adventures change will bring. Purl you can do it; the struggle doesn't have to last forever. Purl you will do it and I simply write to say Go Purl Go :)

Paleogirl
I wasn't offended by anyones comments on this post. We all just expressing our thoughts, opinions and beliefs right? I believe that many things that happen to us in life began as choices we made but I also believe that the mind is a puzzling instrument that can be fashioned into accepting many different realities (often brought on by anything from chronic states of depression to life experiences or tragedies). I can't "fix" anyone or heal anyone. I can only let express an opinion. It is what it is. I simply write to wish Purl well during her journey. I believe that by the very utterance of our words we have the power to sadden, belittle, judge, or anger another...but we also have the power to uplift, encourage, empower, and offer hope. The words we speak are also a choice just as you recognized addiction as a choice. I was not offended by anything Purl said, she simply expressed an opinion on a "personal growth" thread. I do find it very interesting the way you worded your opinion (e.g. "REAL" diseases and use of the words "sound mind"). Who is to say what a real disease is or isn't? (is a "disease" that just happened to a person warranted more understanding versus a "disease" that results from "choice"? ) I think that dreamrawalwz makes an important point about potential changes that can occur within the body. I just don't think everything can be as rational as we might prefer it to be.

[Spectatrix]

While I won't dismiss eating disorders, alcoholism, etc. as not being diseases, I think there is a substantial difference between those diseases that stem from lifestyle choices and those that don't. The former include not only addictions that also things like lung cancer in smokers, cardiovascular disease in people who eat tons of fatty food, cirrhosis in drinkers, etc.

While those diseases do merit sympathy and understanding, I admit that I may not feel as sympathetic towards them as people with diseases that were thrust upon them through no choice of their own. A child born with AIDS, those born with genetic conditions, etc...

Personal responsibility is a big part of my personal philosophy and, as such, it bugs me a bit to see people laying the blame on their addiction rather than taking responsibility for their own actions. But... I guess if that mindset helps a person to overcome their addiction rather than wallowing in it, then it's beneficial. My worst addiction was to caffeine and I overcome that very easily, so I guess I have a hard time imagining what it would be like to be alcoholic, anorexic, etc.

[eachpeachpearplum]

That's my new motto. I was watching Oprah yesterday and there was a mom who was an alcoholic. I don't know her exact words but it was something to the effect that SHE isn't a bad person-that she has a disease. She said she learned to separate the 2. SHE is still there, but the disease lives inside her. And this really hit home with me and my food issues. *I* am not a bad person, but sometimes I listen to the DISEASE tell me what to eat, rather than listen to ME. I mean, my disease wants to KILL me-so of course I'm not gonna get good advice from It. So I had been binging (steak and fritos-ewwww!) after 3 days of raw, right before this thought came to me. I put down the meat and walked away. My disease called me back a few times but I was able to say "No-that is my disease talking and I'm not gonna feed It." Later-I wanted to eat a few more fritos, so I said it again in my head. I have had to say it several times this morning, but I have begun to differentitate (sp?) between the 2. Cravings are from my disease and It tries to rationalize bad choices. It wants to kill me-either thru STARVATION or COMPULSIVE overeating. It's doesnt' care-as long as It makes me suffer and steals my joy. But I won't let it win.

*I* am stronger than It.

Well said; I have no issue with your choice of words - actually I hadnt really noticed. What I did notice was the general message. Great message and one I feel might really be of help to me.

Thank you for sharing!

EPPP

[startootsie]

Personally I think that it is the choices we make. It's our desiscion to do what we do, and even if someone tells us it's not worth it or it's unhealthy, sometimes we have to do it to learn. Sometimes we need to just to learn it and really know it, then that way we had the expierence. But I don't think that anyone with anorexia or any other eating disorder can't get better no matter what, I think that is in you and if you are evry strong and are really trying to do the right thing then it really can't take you to far, you might get caught up but if you are really not indenial then you can move on. I think that no matter how much one part of your head believes it, and the other doesn't, to really overcome it you have to step out of your comfort zone and let go of fear. Cause it's true things could get worse but they can also get better, if your in a bad situation unhappy and mad at yourself why not try something new, so what if it's worse, you can step away from that if it get's worse, but what if it get's better? If you didn't try it then you would be missing out. That's just my opinion.

[Sharon in Colorado]

Personally as a Christian I see it as a sin. Everyone sins, but not everyone is able to turn away from sin. I am not talking about mental illness, etc. but things like addiction that causes people to stumble in their lives that takes the focus off God.

I think too many people try to put a name tag on their problems but won't take accountability for them. I know because I deal with my own sins on a daily basis. It is not always easy to turn away from sin but it's easy to call it a disease.

[Oceana]

I'm sorry, but addiction is a choice, not a disease...

I disagree!
My addiction IS NOT a choice!
It is a compulsion I have and often a "mindless" one at that!

TRUST ME; If I could just make a choice NOT to feed my addiction I would have done that LONG ago.

[Oceana]

Personally as a Christian I see it as a sin. Everyone sins, but not everyone is able to turn away from sin. I am not talking about mental illness, etc. but things like addiction that causes people to stumble in their lives that takes the focus off God.

I think too many people try to put a name tag on their problems but won't take accountability for them. I know because I deal with my own sins on a daily basis. It is not always easy to turn away from sin but it's easy to call it a disease.

My addiction has nothing to do with sin.
I wont post what it is because it is private.
I have NEVER taken my focus off of God for one minute; but I am still plagued with this addiction.
I feel like you are saying "ungodly get addiction?"

[Svadhyaya]

What about when mental illness leads to problems such as addiction and compulsions? I am at a point in my life where I'm trying to disentangle myself and determine where my bad/rebellious choices end and the compulsions stemming from true illness begins. I am a Christian, like Sharon, and I don't want to shirk responsibility when I am at fault, but I also know that I am often a victim of a mind that doesn't always chemically engage the way it is supposed to. It's a very weird position to be in.

People often do not have as much empathy for those who suffer with "diseases of choice" but the feelings of guilt and blame that these sufferers place on themselves can result in acute, horrible suffering nonetheless. Knowing people pass judgment on your suffering makes the awfulness even worse. I believe that it is very hard and also unfair to judge other's conditions until you have walked in their shoes.


Purl, I think you are brave to continue fighting this insiduous enemy (and I do believe it is a disease, not a mere choice) and I hope that this new paradigm will help you overcome your issues.

[Narz]

Hmm, I also don't go for the "disease" label as I personally do not find it empowering.

That said I have many different sides to me. One side wants to make choices for short term gratification, another side wants to do what will serve me the most in the long term.

I can act from my better self without blaming diseases, demons, etc. for my problems. Sometimes anyway.

From my experience people who label their problems as diseases struggle with them for a lot longer than those who view them as symptoms of something larger and work from the frame of mind of being empowered.

I'm not here to argue with anyone though. Good luck to all! :)

[Narz]

Why do people feel they have to choose between "disease" and "guilt"? How about just admit you are making a choice and try to be nonjudgemental about it?