Need some support :( ...I admit...

[dreamrawalwz]

hi there again! I'm sorry you're having such difficulty with your mom.You are NOT your disorder. My mom thought it was another restricting thing for me at first and didn't support it, but as she saw progress she welcomed it and made sure I stayed raw knowing what fall off the wagon would do to me. Have you ever said anything to the extent of "mom, if it is so wrong and a form of an eating disorder, then why are there SO many people on the raw lifestlye that are thriving? Why are there so many scientific books out about raw? If I were still anorexic or restricting I wouldn't be eating xyz" It does seem that no matter how much she's resisting your change that you're still trying to be as raw as possible and that's great! Keep emailing me if you'd like!

[karenisraw]

LunarFey,

First of all, I had a similar experience with my boyfriend. He thought all of my efforts and interest in eco-friendly, environmentalism, sustainability etc. was "stupid" and not worth worrying about because "we are all going to die anyway", and "humans are going to end up killing ourselves anyway."

First of all, I would write a note to them about it.

Second, I had bulemia for six years when I was younger. I have recently learned some things about my body and biochemistry that make me wonder if the bulemia was from a combination of lack of absorbtion of nutrients from my food and slow metabolism. When I was very young, about first grade, I began to notice that I would eat more than the other kids, even my older brothers. I felt like a little piggy, and my parents would say only to eat my share but I would fell scared that I needed more and would not get enough. I noticed I was getting a little chubby feeling. Even when I was that young, I began to not eat as much as I desired or craved. Eventually, when I was sixteen, I developed severe bulemia. I literally thought, "I am going to do this because then I can eat as much as I want to satisfy my cravings, and then I will throw it up so I don't get fat". There were some things that happened in our family that were traumatic, so I it may have been partially due to that, but maybe it is all physical.

I had constant depression. I have recently discovered and my raw vegan doctor suffested that I may have a problem absorbing enough nutrients from my food. This would explain why I felt the urge to keep eating more and more food even though I was full. And it did make me happy to eat large amounts of food. I have discovered however that when I take suppliments, especially B-12 methylcobalamin, I become very happy and cured of depression. As well, my metabolism is very slow and I have always gained weight, even if just eating salads and very little cheese.

Since going 100% raw, I have discovered that my obsession with food seems to have completely disappeared and I no longer worry about getting enough. I am very happy and stopped being depressed except when I tried to deny myself and limit the foods I wanted while raw. I learned to NEVER diet and eat if I want it. I also learned that at least for now until my doctor figures out what is wrong with me, that I must take suppliments for happiness, learning problems, concentration problems and to repair some neurological damage that I got from lack of proper nutrition from all the years of bulemia and dieting.

The dieting and bulemia resulted in neurological damage, however, if I would have eaten like a normal person, I would have been SEVERELY overweight and that is not healthy either. So you may want to explain to your parents, that you know of this person on the interenet that had an eating disorder and have discovered that it is probably because or at least related to both an problem absorbing nutrients and a slow metabolism. If I were you, I would check into talking with a HIGHLY qualified licensed nutritionist or nutritional scientist and tell them what your mental symptoms are such as depression, anxiety, etc. because all of these things are related to lack of vitamins, minerals, proper nutrition, etc. I would recommend my raw vegan doctor who is VERY smart and really digs around to find the underlying problem. His number is 612-87-GREEN. He does telephone consultations.

Talk to your parents tell them you want to find out if this may be a possibility. I simply started taking some suppliments that are necessary to the brain and they really helped. My doctor said I am on the right track.

I too felt like a weird person. I felt like all I could think about was food and I knew this was not normal. I had all sorts of emotional problems. These all have completely disappeared since supplimentation. If I stop taking them for more than about 5-6 hours, I become moody, tense, etc.


For you it could be COMPLETELY nutritional and nothing emotional.

Email me if you have any questions. I already have a friend from here on Raw Food Talk that is trying to contact my doctor to consult with him.

Make sure you are getting your B-12 methylcobalamin as well.

k

[janicejourney]

"It's just so hard because I know I need to eat, but once I finish all the RAW food in the house, well I need more."



Maybe until you are able to move out or pay for your own food... high raw is the best option? This way you don't EVER have to go without food. I think if you need to gain weight that to eat as high raw as possible, and then eat healthy cooked until there are more groceries would be much healthier than not eating. It mush be tiring to have your parents worry over you. If you would allow yourself to be high raw until you have more control over the food with your own resources, my guess is that things would be less stressful in your home, and your life would be more peaceful. High Raw, in my opinion, is much healthier the avoiding any food in the house that isn't raw, when there are no Raw choices. I think that Raw is hard unless you have the resources and freedom to make sure you can have the food you choose. You mom honestly might not have enough money? Anyway, maybe being less rigid with yourself about it would alleviate your dilemma?


Much love to you and to your choices,

Janice

[ryana]

I just want to say my thoughts about what you posted. I also have read several of your other posts. I can't completely relate but i can somewhat. from 11-16 I gave myself severe depression and attempted sucide a few times. I wouldn't leave my room for days. I over eat till I could roll over to fall asleep. My partents kept a closer eye on me after my first suside attempt Which is sounds like yours might be doing. Good parents eventhough they don't alwasy understand become concenered with they fear for their child's saftey. It was suffocating I just wanted to live my life. My words became meaningless it was my actions from months and eventually years ago where what defined myself to others. When i was 15 I became vegan. Me and my mother woudl get into fights about it. She woudl say my food was too expensive. I also went on an all organic vegeatarain diet when i was 14. And we all know organic food was expensive I lasted a month mabye more. I couldnt' eat out and alwasy felt guilty for being "difficult". I moved out when I was 17 eventhing was much easier then. I'm 20 now I make the decisions on what to eat and what my budget is for food usually $100 per week. I got involved with some non profits and my parents no long view me as their daughter who tried to take her life although I know that fear still lingers. I do believe that raw food is attractive to people with eating disorders becasue it's very strick and requirs a bit of effort and control over ones self (apearing to be an eating disorder itself). But I think it's a positive way to use that aspect of your personaliy. I guess my point is your mom cares, doesn't understand and has control at least until your 18. I read you just turned 15 so three more years. Until then just keep sane.

[BerryGirl]

In a way, I can understand how you feel about your family attributing everything to your eating disorder. When I was a jr. in college 6 years ago (wow, I feel old now!), I became highly depressed. I eventually started taking Celexa and have been on it ever since. I do plan to get off of it-- I'm following my dr.'s recommendations for it. Anyway, when I got married, my husband would often ask if I was still taking my pills whenever I got sad, moody, etc. It was like I couldn't have normal negative emotions, ever, without it being due to me not taking my medicine. (Interestingly, every time he asked that, I *was* still on my meds. I was just sad, PMSing, whatever, you know?) It was like any non-happy or non-content feelings, he immediately saw as being caused by my depression, not because I was frustrated with my job or frustrated with him or sad because of something that happened to a friend. He hasn't asked me that in quite a while, I think because he started to realize that just because I'm sad doesn't mean I'm *depressed*. I, too, can *feel* a difference when depression or my OCD is coming on. I know what it is, recognize it, and take steps to fight it. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I understand a little.

[ryana]

berry girl my parents used to ask the same thing when i was upset. drove me nuts. I was on prozac ionically enough the prozac cause me anxiety and then my anxiety drugs (which ws liminted cause they are addicting) caused me depression. You may want to try taking saint john's wroth it may help. the only draw back is you ahve to take is several times a day. I tried it with no luck but it may be worth a shot.

[shakti17]

dear lunar,

i am glad to see that you are still on the raw path and that you are coming here for support! so last we wrote you were going to go to a center in new york? whatever happened with that? it sounds like you are doing so much better now! :)

you do have a lot of good advice here - i know the link that gosia gave you, that is a good story to share with your mom - the thing is, i feel your family is just not going to come around right now - they obviously do not want to hear about raw. keep it to yourself as much as possible. i tell you that from my own experience, which i shared with you, about my mom being sick but not wanting to hear about raw. she was exactly the way you describe your mom - TOTALLY closed to raw - would not never ever ever believe it was healthy, etc. our parents are from a different generation - if she says "yay raw", she is also saying - "everything i know and have been taught about how to feed myself, and medicine,etc is WRONG" most people cannot admit that.

i agree with janice about getting a job. if you babysit they will pick you up and take you home... even better, can you get a job at an organic market? that would be awesome! plus discounts on food, you would probably meet co-workers who could drive you, you could give them a couple bucks for gas. why don't you brainstorm and see what feels right to you.

be happy!

love, shakti

[Lunar*Fey]

Wow, thank you so much for your replies!!! :)

Heabrook- thank you. lately I have been trying to stay happy and just let myself shine through, even though it feels like my family and doctors are trying to cage my shine, lock it up, dim it, throw something over it. if that makes any sense...before I would just let them, now I'm starting to want to stand up and show them that this is me

EmeraldGlow- Thank you for that nice little story, I really liked it. I don't know of anyone at all who is raw around here. I think my therapist, if anyone, truly sees my improvement. The improvement in my outlook and simply the way I communicate and seem to have a light... an strong, bright desire for health again. But I wont know how she really feels until i see her on monday...and even then I might not find out. I don't know if she would ban me from the computer, I really have no idea. but thank you for your email address! mine is: nightshade_16@sbcglobal.net ....feel free to email me any time! I would love to hear from you. I so wish we lived closer too! That would be awesome. If I ever go somewhere near you or if you ever come around here we'll have to plan to meet! I had a dream that I met Rawkinlocs, Rawpriestess, and Alissa. lol. it was only for like a second because they were just leaving or something but I met them, lol. And I didn't find out about any potlucks around here. If there was one, my mom might be willing to go if I begged her and if it wasn't costly. Thank you so much, your words are so enlightening and helpful *hugs back*

Veggie- thank you veggie. See my problem isn't that I'm not full enough, its just that no matter how hungry or full I am I still have to get about 3000 calories or more every day...that does come out to a lot of food..and it would probably be hard no matter what I ate. I haven't tried raw hemp protein powder, but I would like to. thank you again

pdx kris- thank you for sharing your experience, that is so wonderful you were able to recover. And I know what you mean, eating raw just feels natural, simple, comfortable, right. I hope you are right and my family does come around as yours did

honeybee joy- thank you for your acknowledgement. lol that is really helpful as well. You are right, things like that really really make things uncomfortable.

Autumn- Thank you, those are some wonderful suggestions. I tried to find out if there were organic co-ops and such around here but I haven;t had any luck...plus I ttried talking to my mom about it and she didn't seem interested... Also, thank you for your advice!

Dreamrawalwz- thank you so much. I hope my mom eventually sees things the way your mom does. I will try your suggestion. thank you. and I would love to stay in touch through email

Karenisraw- thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I will talk to my parents about getting in touch with your doctor, is it ok if I don't live in the same state? I mean can he do everything over the phone, or how would that work? What is B-12 methylcobalamin found in? thank you again

Janicejourney- thank you for your advice. I understand what you mean, and I definately don't just not eat just because theres no raw food in the house. There has been times when I've had to have some of the healthier cooked food to supplement. I really am not all that rigid, although I made it sound as if i am so I understand why you thought that. For example, I am not positive the almonds we have are raw but for now, i eat them any way...
thank you again

Ryana- thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It's helpful to hear how other people handled similar situations and that they are fine now. Things are good between you and your mother? I just want my mom to accept me for who I am...I mean it feels like ever since my disorder I am not Bristol...I am a disorder. And no matter what I am not accepted because I am a disorder.
thanks again

Berrygirl- thanks so much for sharing. I can completely relate to how you must have been feeling when your husband said those things. It's a horrible feeling, and hard to explain but you did such a good job explaining it. I started Prozac not long ago, and my therapist gives full credit for my improvement to the pills, which I feel it goes far beyond taking pills. thanks again

Shakti- The New York thing is up in the air right now, I guess the social worker has been trying to get me into it for a while now, but there have been no beds available. My doctor said if I am still improving and gaining weight then I wont have to go (unless I go downhill again). But she has to talk to my mom and therapist first. And my mom seems to sort of want me to go, because she wants whats best for me, and she thinks that by going there I'll suddenly come back and eat everything and anything. And thanks for sharing your experience, i definately know what you're saying with why its hard for people to accept new and different things such as raw. I am going to put up some flyers and try to get a babysitting job or something. How would I find out about any markets like that around my area? That would be great!
thanks again

[misslinda]

WOW! I missed a whole episode of what's been going on??????

LunarFey, I am so sorry you are going thru the "aftermath" of ED and how it affects the family. The process of dealing with it while and after is you're experiencing, just as intense.

Have you attempted to approach mother with perhaps a mother/daughter day? A day to chat about what is on your mind and her mind.......a way to build some new bond between the two of you?

I wonder and maybe even a question to ask your therapist or family:

"What is it going to take for you all to accept my recovery?"

Does your therapist know directly from you that you don't feel you are being supported in you "healing" and that the tension,hurtful remarks etc induce those feelings inside that potentially turn your recovery around?

Again, doesn't seem like therapist is helping the situation. I'm concerned that the overall "communication" style hasn't even been addressed. This is not healthy and helping any............

I would encourage you stay with what [you] believe is healthy for you --which means raw as you mention. You are doing excellent by working at recovery and rebuilding yourself health mind and body side. I'm sure your family is [reacting] on fear and anger b/c you are now a "raw foodist" Another foreign way of [eating] to them. The flip side is, I'm sure there is some level of trust b/c otherwise I don't think they would have allowed that book to even be there ;) Although their behaviors show otherwise......

If the verbal/live talking makes matters more stressful, I would write letters instead to them. That way, they can read and ponder on it.

How bout school counselors? Are they available to speak too? I wonder if perhaps gathering some ED info for the sufferers families would be benenfit to them...........


;)

[Lunar*Fey]

MissLinda- I will try to approach her with a mother/daughter day thing...i don't know how it will turn out or how she will find the time but I can certainly try :). And thank you for the suggestions. That's a good question to ask...its just they simply say well "the only thing that will really help you is if you simply eat like a normal teenager..eat anything and everything and then everything will be peaceful and happy and your mom will accept you, now are you willing to do that?" I try to tell my therapist but this just makes her more proned to agree with my doctor, I need to eat "normally" and then everything will be good they say. I do like my therapist though, I mean shes the first therapist I've actually been ok with talking to. She doesn't act quite as condescending and I feel ok opening up to her. I think you are right, it's like peer pressure. No matter how much they pressure me to be untrue to myself I think I finally see that I have to just stick to what makes me feel healthy and happy and what I feel is right. It's just sad that what makes me feel so happy and good makes everyone else unhappy with me. That thought brings me back to old self-hating thoughts...like maybe its a sign i shouldn't be alive because my happiness makes the ones I love so unhappy. I know, Iknow, bad thought...and I don't really feel that way I mean I can push those thoughts aside now, seperate them, not dwell on them and make myself feel worse. I am going to write my mom an email. THank you again, so much!!! :)

[ryana]

lunar,
yes things are great between me and my mother. we are very different people and I have come to realize my mother as a person and not as a mother since moving out. I apreciate her good qualities and undrestand the things she has to work on. She still doesn't understand me and my eating habbits (she thinks i'm starving since going raw). But she doesn't hassle me and my decisions it's like I have proved myself. None the less I love my mother with a passion. and i know she feels the same.

[karenisraw]

LunarFey,

Karenisraw- thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I will talk to my parents about getting in touch with your doctor, is it ok if I don't live in the same state? I mean can he do everything over the phone, or how would that work? What is B-12 methylcobalamin found in? thank you again

My RVD does telephone consultations. He would obviously probably like for you to have some tests done. I don't think he requires you being in the same state. I do not know how much he can do over the telephone but he could probably at least get you going in the right direction. Maybe you could have some tests done there and then fax him the results. Methylcobalamin is from what I have learned, is only found in animal products, I believe meat. But it is absolutely necessary and even when I used to eat 2 chicken breasts per day and sometimes three, I still did not get enough. You can take vegan sources of B-12 but they do not do everything that methylcobalamin does for your good health. From what I have read and learned, you still need supplimentation of methylcobalamin.


k

[Lunar*Fey]

Ryana- thats wonderful :), I love my mom with a passion as well. :) and I hate how something so simple has to come between us like this...

Karenisraw- thanks for the information!! :) I'll talk to my mom about it. about that type of vitamin B, if it is only found in meat I wonder why it is necessary for our bodies and how people used to get it? I am by no means questioning your information, it just makes me wonder. thanks again for the great info :)

[Elouet]

Dear Lunar,
I'm so sorry about your family! As I posted before, mine has responded the same. Sometimes they let me free to choose what I eat, and other times my mom explodes and is disgusted by RAW. Please don't be discouraged, your mother loves you and just doesn't understand that what your doing is making yourself healthy and strong. It's so hard to want to please people while trying to become your own person. Remember, you come FIRST, that's not selfish, it's self-preservation. I honestly believe that once you have gained more weight (met what goal you and your doctor have agreed on) that she will be very open to your new lifestyle. When my mom is in a good mood, and we can talk, she says that when I gain 10 more pounds to reach my goal she will happily accept any way of eating I choose. Unfortunately, sometimes that 10 pounds looks like a steep, steep mountain to me! Know in your heart that your family loves you, and only fears greatly for your health. Be strong, be good to yourself, because in the end each decision is yours alone.
I send all my blessings!
Aly

[karenisraw]

Lunar Fey,

Here is a lecture you can listen to on the internet. It is given by my raw vegan doctor who is an MD in Europe, a licensed nutritionist and a nutritional scientist. It goes into great scientific detail about the biochemistry of food when it is cooked. I would have your parents listen to it. My RVD said if anyone is giving you a hard time about eating raw, then this should shut them up.


http://www.ecopolitan.com/cook

Should we cook our food? Here is a lecture recorded by Dr. Adiel Tel-Oren ("Dr. T"), the founder of Ecopolitan. We have downgraded the recording in order to reduce download time. Download/Listen to MP3 File.... Original normal-quality recording available on double-CD at our store. The name of the CD is "Should We Cook Our Food?" -from the "Ask Dr. T" series.


k
:) :)