Need some support :( ...I admit...

[Lunar*Fey]

(I don't know if this is in the right place, sorry if it isn't and, of course, feel free to move it!)

I'm sorry to complain, I just need to tell this to someone who will understand. I was going to watch the second disc of Alissa's DVD tonight, and my mom heard me say I was going to put it on and said No. So I politely asked her why not and she was like because its that stupid raw thing. So I said okayyy. I probably shouldn't have, but I said something like "do you not like the idea of raw?" and she said something that meant no. So I said (in a very kind and curious voice although I probably shouldnt have said anything at all) "How can you know you don't like the idea of it if you don't really know anything about it?" and then my mom's husband who was laying on a chair in the living room said in his harsh, growly, rude, voice (with attitude) "stop it Bristol" He just kept saying that to me. it makes me feel like I just shouldn't talk anymore. my opinion means absolutely nothing...my opinion is no longer valued at all! It makes me want to cry in frustration. I'm not alowed to have an opinion because I had an eating disorder. To them this means that my opinion is only my eating disorder. They can't blame the person I am on an eating disorder forever. It's like they don't want to admit that I'm different, that I see things differently, that I have different taste. They blame my differences, my abnormality, on my disorder. Well guess what, this is me finding myself again! The opposite of my disorder. I don't even feel the disorder in my head any more...not at all! It's amazing and wonderful! Scarey at first because, as hard as it is to admit, a disorder is a hard thing to let go of. It gives you something that is certain, something that is yours, something that is always with you. But its terrible and I don't want it and it doesn't control me any more! It's absolutely amazing! But my mom doesn't believe me. She doesn't want to believe that maybe, just maybe, it's BRISTOL(me) who wants to be RAW...not the eating disorder. She doesn't want to think that maybe its her daughter that is so weird, her daughter that believes in a god and goddess, her daughter that wants optimal health, her daughter that picks dandelion greens and eats them (by the way when she found this out she got all concerned and told me I was going to die...where does she think vegetables come from when you buy them from the store?), her daughter that is so unique, not her disorder. My mom can't afford to feed me. I know shes under so much stress and she has so much to worry about and I feel terrible. That's what makes it so hard to ask to go grocery shopping or anything because I can see the look in her eyes, and the sound of her voice. I can't help that I have to eat so much, I can't. No matter what I ate it would be expensive to feed me. Especially since they still make just as much food at dinner as they did when I ate what they made and my brother lived here...I guess they are just eating more now without realizing it. If they would just be open minded to RAW, at least read about it....maybe it would make things easier. I would LOVE to see my mom raw. She is gorgeous but I see the signs of aging in her now. She's 37, but I think I have aged her a lot because of all the worry and stress I have caused. She now has puffy bags under her eyes and her face looks drawn, tight, so stressed all the time. Ok ok I can't control her so I'll stop talking about that. It's just so hard because I know I need to eat, but once I finish all the RAW food in the house, well I need more. We bought 3 big bunches of bananas at the Costcos when we went with my grandma (i think it was the end of last week) and theres only one banana left. She's like I spent $77 on groceries for you last week and you already need more? It makes me feel so terrible for having to eat so much! so terrible. I just want to cry. I don't know what to do. I need to make my own money, that would help. but she would have to drive me to babysit or wherever. My doctor tells me and her that this is all just part of my disorder. She tells us that cows milk and animal products are the best possible sources of protein and calcium, that I should be eating butter, and that I am extremely restricting myself. I know this isn't true but argueing would just get me in more trouble. Whenever I try to stand up for myself or give them my opinion they just *tsk tsk* and shake their heads with sympathy and sorrow...poor ignorant girl, doesn't know what she's say, its all her disorder. its just so frustrating. I can feel the difference, this is not my disorder! I know it, I can truly honestly FEEL it. I just wish someone else could see this. And I feel so good eating raw. For once I am slowly gaining weight and don't feel horrible and sick doing it! I just couldn't go back, I just couldn't do that to myself. But this is so discouraging...everything is horrible. I'm sorry this is so long, I could probably go on and on for hours....but I won't bore you any longer. Does anyone have any advice, criticism, support, comments, ideas? anything you want to throw at me. thank you so much, and so sorry again for the length!

[Sharon in Colorado]

I am sorry you are being misunderstood. It sounds like there are some communication challenges in the family. On the plus side, she knows you are eating a lot, so that is good.

A few things you can do:

Get her the book "The China Study" it is an in depth book on health info with tons of research written by an M.D. There are tons of studies done on how plant foods are a better source of protein and calcium than animal foods.

Check out every raw book from the library and leave them on the kitchen table. She will pick at least one up and realize you don't have an eating disorder.

Send her websites with before and afters of people with lots of health problems healing on raw.

I could chat with her if you'd like. My e-mail is rawcurls@msn.com I am raw because I have a genetic high cholesterol disorder, so I do this for health reasons.

[Amberly]

Hey! I'm not sure exactly what to say now, except that I hope you stay raw despite what they are saying. I would SERIOUSLY try blending greens with fruit. Do you have a blender. It's a fabulous way to get alot of greens in and really absorb them.

Good Luck and do what you feel is right for you. ;)

[Mookie]

Would you consider letting your mom read this post?

[Gosia]

Dear Lunar*Fey,

It is so hard to talk to those who have a mind set on something. I know it well. I used to be like that. I used to think that raw was wrong, and no-one would convince me otherwise, until I decided to have a go myself. So, you are in a very difficult position here. I can understand that your parents are worrying about you. I wonder whether there is any chance of reassuring them?

There is plenty of evidence that raw foods help achieving healthy weight. Of course, there are plenty of stories of those who were overweight, and lost weight on raw. But the other way around as well! For example, on http://www.howIgainedweith.com, there is a story of a young woman, who used to be painfully skinny due to her various allergies, and has gained weight thanks to raw food diet. I personally met on-line a young woman who recovered from anorexia thanks to raw foods. Perhaps you could get in touch with her for some support? (She is a member of SF Bay Area Raw Food forum at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SFBayA...1?viscount=100, and her name is Luskinia.)

There are athletes and even body builders who eat 100% raw vegan diet, and enjoy perfect health as well as great performance (see the link to Fruit Lovers Summit below). There are plenty of fantastic healing stories out there too. The trouble is that the world does not know about them... Well, I hope this will change in time. :) I certainly want to help in spreading the word!

My guess is that if you try to push your views on your parents too hard, they will oppose. But perhaps, if they see that you are really getting better, they will open up your minds?

All the best,
Gosia.

[Lunar*Fey]

Sharon in Colorado,
Thank you so much, your suggestions are really helpful. :) I would love for you to talk to my mom! Only thing is she doesn't exactly know I'm a part of a forum. She might not like that...I have no idea.

Amberly,
I have a blender so I will try that :). Thank you very much :) .

Mookie,
I would, but I don't think she knows that I'm on a forum. I don't think she'd like that very much, I admit. Maybe I could print it out and just show her and not tell her it was written to a forum...or maybe I could write her an email....

[Lunar*Fey]

Gosia,
Wow thank you so much. :) I will try and get in touch with the woman you spoke of. I tihnk what I will do is write my mom a nice email. I have tried talking to her and it doesn't work...she gets flustered with worry and gets this look in her eyes and I can just sense like waves of fear and anger and frustration and worry and stubborness just flowing off her...and I get nervous and upset and then have trouble expressing what I am trying to say. I think an email would be good. And I can include links and things for her to look at. I try not to push my views on them, when a time comes up where it seems appropriate to share my opinion I do, but maybe I am wrong, maybe I am giving too much of my opinion without realizing it or something. I will have to try to make sure I don't at all.

Thank you so much Gosia:)

[heabrook]

An eating disorder does not define a person. People change.

It seems to me that they believe that you ARE a walking, talking, breathing eating disorder. What they don't understand is that you had an eating disorder. Those are obviously two different things. No one IS anything. Some people do have problems and challenges but it does not mean they always will.

The communication aspect in your family seems very poor. I doubt that you can tell them how you feel?

The problem is --- it seems --- is that they don't take you seriously. They see you as a child --- but worse, as a child who had an eating disorder.

My advice.. keep doing what you are doing. Stand firm for what you believe in. They cannot take away what you believe nor can they control that.



You have to stay positive in the face of adversity. Also, you shouldn't take it personally. People often get angry at others because they are unhappy with themselves. When your step-dad gets angry with you, just shrug it off and don't let it affect you.

[Lunar*Fey]

Heabrook,
You said it perfectly, it seems to me they view me this way as well...even if they don't necessarily mean to. thank you so much, it feels good to hear someone other than myself confirm that I truly am not just a disorder. if this is true thank you :) I realize you are completely right, they do see me as a child and do not take me seriously at all. My mom has always sort of been like this. Anyway, thank you so much. I will stand firm in what I believe in. I used to really really let my step dads yelling get to me...but hes gotten slightly better since his anger management classes my mom made him take. Now I try not to let it get to me so much, which has helped with my depression. The depression gave me a lack of appetite which led to weight loss which led to the development of my disorder in the first place.

all I can say is thank you :)

[heabrook]

You must know that you are not just a disorder. Anyone here will agree that you are a bright and wonderful young lady. You should be proud of yourself for taking to the raw lifestyle and wanting to be open to something new.

I never had an eating disorder, but I've had countless people think that I do
These were all people that hardly knew me and judged me because I am so petite and don't eat the way they do. It is frustrating, but I have learned not to care because they are hurting themselves more by allowing themselves to judge people.

I can understand your depression and how it caused you to have a reduced appetite. Through my college years, I was so stressed out and often times couldn't eat because of it. I was one of those students that had to have an "A" I graduated with a 3.95 and a lot of stress to show for it

Just have fun with it..... you know? don't let anyone drag you down... You seem so excited about the raw lifestyle and nothing should change that -- no matter what anyone says. You can take others opinions with a grain of salt. You should always respect people because they have the right to their opinions but you don't have to give in to them or support them.

[EmeraldGlow]

Lunar*Fey,

I really dislike when peoples own issues get in the way of other peoples progression. But, here is a story that really helps me put things in perspective when other people around me are really getting to me. It's a story called The Little Soul & The Sun. I hope this might help shine some light on everything!

Do you have friends that you can talk to about you being raw (Other than all the ones you have on this board o'course! )?

Just a thought...How are things with your therapist? Does your therapist understand that raw isn't bad and that you don't have your dis-order anymore?? I'm thinking that if your therapist at least understands that, and tells your parents maybe they wouldn't worry as much??

If your mom really knew about the board do you think she would ban you from the computer? I really hope it doesn't ever come to that. But, if it ever comes to that I think it might be a good idea to get email addy's from ppl on the boards that you can talk to so you aren't left without anyone from here to talk to about stuff. You can totally email me anytime at emeraldsglow@yahoo.com, ok? It's totally cool.

I wish I lived closer to ya! We could get together and do stuff! Did you ever find out about any raw potlucks around your area? Would your mom be open to going with you to one?

Have faith and believe in yourself. You've got a big raw family that believes in you here! Remember to have fun with whatever you have and all that you have!! Just keep on being the good example that you are being to your family - even if they can't see it now they will see it later and will thank you for it. Much love to you!! ~**hugs**~

::: :) :) :) :::

[veggie]

My heart really goes out to you. I too have recovered from an eating disorder and have had to deal with disapproving family members who won't even listen to reason. It's sad really, and it's ultimately their loss.
I will definitely pray for you and your family. I know it's hard enough to recover as it is. You're finally on the right track for you and are getting all this opposition. Have you tried going to an alternative type of doctor such as a naturopathic physician? It sounds like your mom may be opposed to anything non-traditional, though. Hopefully, she will begin to realize that you are recovering with this lifestyle and see it as positive as opposed to so outlandish.
Well, many prayers to you, and stick with it. As mentioned in an earlier response to your post, I think green smoothies would help you stay full longer and result in less trips to the store. Have you tried raw hemp protein powder also? It's very filling...I add it to my green smoothies.
Keep us posted on your progress, and I know it will get better for you!

[pdx kris]

It is so hard to recover from an eating disorder and have people understand our new food plans if they view them as extreme.

I am also a recovered (recovering, it never really goes away, does it?) anorexic. The thing I had to explain to people in my life who felt this was just another way to control my food was that in addition to all of the health benefits of eating raw, it is a way that I can eat abundantly and stay thin, but not overly skinny. I've always felt comfortable eating raw, and I never felt like I was eating too much, which for an anorexic is HUGE. You need to find a way to convey to your family that you are eating and that you need them to meet you halfway.

Lunar, it will take a long time for your family to come around, but they love and care about you and that is where their concern stems from. Are you working with a therapist or nutritionist to come up with your food plan? I know I did after I started getting treatment, and it really helped the people in my life to understand that I WAS eating by showing them my food plan and how it was abundant in calories, even though it was all raw. It took my mom about a year to fully accept my style of eating, but once she realized that I was eating and that I had achieved a healthy weight, she finally "got" it.

[honeybee joy]

I think that when people see raw fooders eat, they could think they have a eating disorder. I think in society, alot of people eat alot of food. They think they need lots. I know I eat a lot less raw than when I ate cooked. I have concerns that people will think I am anorexic. I have people that tell me that salad is not a meal. They say it is the start of a meal. What can ya do? I don't live my parents anymore so I don't have to worry about people telling me how to live, but it does hurt sometimes when you know they are thinking "gosh, why does she not eat anything anymore". And thinking that you have a problem. I know this is not a solution to your problems, just a acnowledgement.
I am sorry that you are suffering thru this.

[Autumn]

Since the others have addressed your family's misunderstanding of raw and your reasons for doing so, I wanted to address some of the other concerns in your post.

You mentioned that your mom is stressed because she is spending so much to feed you, and that if you babysat she would have to drive you. I wanted to suggest some other ways in which you can either provide or partially pay for your own food. Perhaps if she saw just how serious you are about this, she would be willing to learn more about it.

You are in high school, correct? Can you tutor someone for money? type papers? Can you offer services to people in your neighborhood like cleaning their basements or garages? mowing laws? walking their dogs?

There are a lot of threads on this board about saving money on raw foods. Is there a farmer's market nearby, an organic co-op? Can you start a small garden in your yard or patio (container gardening?)

And this is a long term suggestion: study hard, get good grades so you can get a good job, your own place, and your own food!