the power of me

[lavendarJ]

You know what is really quite interesting. I find that a lot of times, we are afraid of ourselves the closer we get to the entry way that leads to another journey in life. Does that make sense?

I feel somewhat apprehensive about where my journey is leading but I know it is leading where I am meant to be. It is however, the pressure of friends and family that can cause me to doubt. I ended the MC. I am planning to make a transition to raw in May. I will be visiting my best friend (going to California next week for a little over 3 weeks). He is dead against raw and so it will be interesting to see how the journey evolves in California.

I feel for my family and friends that just don't appreciate themselves enough to attempt to live differently and to eat to live. I am starting to hear little comments and whispers and that's find. What they just don't understand is that what I have chosen to do does not have to be exclusive to only me. Eating life-giving foods is something that they can choose just as I did.

You know what else I did. I caught myself. Everyone was cooking and I was preparing some food for my dad. They kept making comments about how it was unhealthy and not normal to try to eat only raw foods. I caved under the influence and ate a few bites of the veggie lasagna. I hold myself accountable for it because I could have chosen not to, but every so often, I lose focus and instead of focusing on what is best for me, those people-pleasing behaviors attempt to surface. And so I willingly made the choice to eat a few bites to put everyone's mind at ease that I wan't becoming too "weird"

We all can guess the outcome, the tummy was bubbling and you know what else happened.... After doing the MC for so long, what poor judgment to eat some bites of cooked veggie lasagna. In a way, I am kind of glad I did because it was like a reminder for me to remember that I must be clear about what I do, why I choose to do it and what I expect the results of my actions to be. I know it probably sounds crazy...but really what the experience taught is not to be afraid of me.... there is always the uncertain out here and that's a given...we cannot know it all no matter how hard we try.

Yet, I do know my power and my gifts and have clarity about what my earthly purpose is. Why fear it? There is nothing to be afraid of. I must simply live my destiny. The fear and judgment comes into play when we begin to compare ourselves to what others expect from us. Of course my parents have their expectations but even they must accept that true purpose cannot be overshadowed by other desires/wants/needs - mine or theirs. Purpose is what it is. My power is just that. It's a great thing to be aware of this knowledge, to be accountable for it and to be determined and continue despite the distraction. It's an even greater thing to have the ability to "catch" myself as I mentioned earlier. Before I would have just fallen - fallen off the wagon, fallen through the roof, fallen down- no matter how I word it I would have fallen down and then that would an excuse to go binge for a week or two, who knows...maybe even a month of self-sabotage. I didn't fall. I repositioned my stance and braced myself and looked around my enviornment. But, I didn't fall. That is huge for me. It has been a long time coming, a long walk in search of this path, but I found it. I didn't fall.

I am on my way....

[misslinda]

Powerful words LavendarJ and beatifully said. Thank you for empowering us and I admire you for your presistency and gracefulness. :)