I was thinking about this a lot last night.

I've been struggling with staying 100% for a long while now. I would say I'm around 50-60% raw. I had myself weighed on Friday at my neurosurgeon's appointment and it seems that I've lost 15 pounds. It was probably more because lately I felt like I had gained weight.

Anyway. Most people's advice is to "just eat raw food" and it sounds so simple and such an ah-ha! lightbulb moment, but it really isn't. I've been buying these raw cashews (says raw, organic on the box) but found out that they really aren't -raw- unless they come from glaser farms. I've been using some dates since the beginning and they are the only dates in the whole city and I found out that they probably aren't raw, either.

You would think I could just go to the produce section and pick all this great stuff and bring it home and eat it.

Of course my herbs/spices and olive oil aren't raw as I haven't run out of a lot of that and I don't have the money to switch it all out yet. My apple cider vinegar says it's raw and unfiltered. My salt is the realsalt brand.

Cooked food is so damn addictive. And I wonder if I haven't been able to stay 100% and drift off to eating lots of cooked stuff because I wasn't aware that the things I thought were raw, really aren't. Of course, I guess it could be that the herbs/spices and olive oil may be triggering a craving for cooked.

There's not a good farmers market here. There's no whole foods, trader joe's, etc etc. the health food store is so tiny and doesn't even carry produce. the only -food- they have is nuts and most of those are questionable.

So, it's really been frustrating me to the point of tears that I can't just go out and "eat raw food" yet it seems pretty simple for a lot of other people.

I'm not one to freak out if I make a dish and the cayenne isn't raw or the cumin. I know they aren't and I make raw dishes with them and all other herbs and spices. I just wonder if it's little stuff like that and the "not really raw even though it says it is" food is keeping me from where I want to be.

This turned out a lot longer than I had thought it would last night. Basically, I don't know if the advice "just eat raw food" is really good advice or not. Ideally, it seems SO SIMPLE and excellent and when I thought I had gotten the hang of just eating raw food, it seems like I had been slipping the whole time.

When I was weighed on friday, that was the FIRST time in 5 or 6 years that the scale actually went down...instead of up.

Maybe in all of that jumble, someone will be able to make sense of it and understand the frustration I'm having. It was just free flowing typing.