Eva has no idea how to post a new entry.

A learning experience in my journey toward health… Yesterday was the day I planned to take off from work and brainstorming and to just relax. I ended up having vegan but NON-raw pizza last night, with a beer! Oh my! Funny thing is, it really wasn’t that great. Then I had a horrible feeling in my stomach and got into a fight with the husband. I have had an ulcer, and my understanding is that it doesn’t just go away. It just stops acting up if there are no triggers (red meat, dairy, loads of stress, alcohol, coffee, spicy stuff, ETC.).

So, I guess I pulled the trigger. And I’ve gotta tell you… I had a really, really hard time enjoying my day off yesterday. I guess part of the problem with taking a day to relax is that my mom (who I love dearly) and my husband (got plenty of love for that guy too) are around. That means it’s not just a day for me. They’re there in my, er, our space when I’m taking the day off. My gracious. Am I going to need to rent a second house to really, truly take Sundays off?!

And I did take the day “off”. I didn’t do work or brainstorming or anything. I avoided it like the plague. BUT, honest to goodness, I would have enjoyed brainstorming or planning more because it would have been just for me. Instead, picking a movie meant one that works for everyone, etc. Everything had to work for all of us.

And I was thinking about something that I think is a great comparison to my life. Let’s say my husband (who does not) hypothetically has liver disease, and he and I both know that when he has any sort of alcoholic beverage, it causes the disease to get worse and he feels horrible. Would it be kind of me if I:

-Encouraged him to drink alcohol?
-Treated him nicer when he drank alcohol?
-Pressured him to drink alcohol?
-Guilt tripped him for not drinking alcohol with me?
-Made him feel extra special when drinking alcohol with me?

I think that answer would be a big, fat, resounding NO. Those would NOT be kind actions. They would actually be pretty asinine.

I think it’s no different from what’s happening with us or what happens with many people whose spouses don't support their choices. I have had stomach problems for so long. And I KNOW that gentle food means a happy stomach. And I also know that cooked food, miscellaneous man-made items in store-bought pizza, coffee, etc do not work. The great thing I realized through this is that the herbal hot tea I’ve been drinking at times called “detox” is just as bad! Spicy beverages just don’t work for me! It would be much more considerate to have people who care about me supporting me making healthy choices, not trying to sabotage them. But how do you get the people in your life on board??

And I really, really, really need to do things for me. Just plain ole me. I need to take a day off, for me. I need to eat whatever food I eat, for me. I need to exercise, for me. I need to wear makeup when I feel like it, for me. It’s my health, my wellbeing, and my choice. Me, me, me, my, my, my... it almost feels shameful to say!! Something is wrong with this picture. Someone has got to live for me, and it's gonna have to be ME. There, I said it. That felt good!

So, I’m not gonna lie. Even after last night, for some reason I thought it was a good idea for me to wake up and have toast for breakfast. The good thing is that it was whole wheat and sprouted bread and that I had ripe bananas sliced on top, so it actually did not give me a major belly ache. The bad thing is that I feel sluggish and that the choice I made this morning doesn’t go with me wanting health.

Do I want it bad enough? I pray and hope that I do… and that these choices can be lessons rather than excuses to make additional choices that go against my health.