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So I haven't posted in a while...

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3 Comments
by
subbacultcha
on 12-29-2007 at 04:41 PM (637 Views)
The last few weeks have been kind of crazy.

I basically had a brief anorexia relapse. I don't know what to do with myself, its like most of my brain is telling me I need to eat and fill myself up with a load of good stuff, but there's always a part of my brain that looks in the mirror and sees nothing but fat, even though most of my brain knows I am at a low weight, and envies stick thin people although they are unhealthy, and hates food even though I know I need it.

So it took control of me again and I starved myself for a couple of weeks, loving how strong I felt every time my stomach rumbled. Then I started fainting again and just kind of snapped out of it. It just seems I'm normal most of the time but every so often this eating disorder seizes control of me and I'm a slave to it.

But I'm back on track now. Sorry, I just needed to get it out.
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Comments

  1. StarFire's Avatar
    I love your honesty and actually, the way you explained it - I finally understood (more clearly) what goes on. It's a control issue - you can control you - your body and what goes into it. In a sense that can be very empowering. I'm glad though that as you said - snapped out of it - and I'm so glad you r back to allowing the raw foods to heal you and bless you! rawk on girl... you are amazing...
  2. subbacultcha's Avatar
    Thanks for your lovely words. I hate it but I'm just going to have to live with the fact that there's always a voice in my head telling me not to eat, but I'm not going to let it control me anymore. I normally hate talking about this sort of thing but I needed to get it out and everyone here is so supportive and kind.
  3. ladyfiremedic5's Avatar
    I understand how you feel. Even after loosing 60LBS on RAW went from200LBS to 140LBS I still look in the mirror and see me at 200LBS..My clothes show the lose..But I always feel fat. Raw will be a huge help for you in staying Healthy! HUGS&PEACE Carrassa


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