In a comment to Mattye on the Obese thread I began gushing factoids that I didn't know were lurking within. Thought I'd put it here, where it belongs--
In school --in the Dark Ages--I dabbled w/writing, poetry--was supposed to be my field of choice. Instead I married and began having a houseful of kids! I sewed, cooked--didn't clean much! And that's pretty much where the story ends. I got lost somewhere. In 1987 after 15 yrs of marriage and 4 children (aged 12, 7, 3 & 15 months), my husband suddenly died in a work-related accident. I was barely out of the fog in 1990 when I married my current husband and added his 3 yr old son to our mix. I drifted through life and somehow my children have grown, married, and become parents and I'm just now looking up and seeing what's going on around me--know what I mean? I never cared about living or much else about myself and until my husband was literally ready to walk out the door, did I wake up and realize that I was about to lose something so precious to me just because I didn't care enough about myself to be HUMAN. I was a zombie. I have never dealt with childhood issues and pretty much supressed all issues dealing with my first husband. I just floated through life--which it really wasn't much of a LIFE. My kids are great and I'm so thankful that my current husband came along and helped raise them--I don't really think I was capable of doing it by myself. I was medicated for many of those years on drugs that made me not care about anything and not feel anything. And that's the way I liked it. I did not want to FEEL anything and I surely didn't want to confront any of my issues, fears, or myself, as a whole.
This is the reason I didn't blog or write down my feelings in a journal. Not comfortable with all this exposure. Kind of feels naked!! But this is a step in the self-healing direction. 1)Confront the enemy. So far, it look like it's me!