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I'm usually terrible at keeping up blogs but this one's important to me. I'm not going 100% raw just yet though. Normally I over-do everything, so part of my success here will be keeping it real and not setting myself up for failure. I'm still drinking coffee, I have a piece of hard candy here and there, and eat some chicken, fish or sushi when I feel like it. I have steaks in the freezer and will have one maybe once per month after this 30 days. Mostly though, it's raw foods.

The past 2 days I went shopping, cleaned out the fridge and did a lot of visualization about my new lifestyle. I have a really supportive husband who is trying this with me! We've so far ate salads, fruits, seeds and veggies. Chicken strips during the football game Sunday were the only splurge, but it was better than eating actual hotwings.

Friday was pretty funny, and sad actually...I was under some major stress and decided hey, If I'm going to change my lifestyle, why not have one more last sin - Tequila - yeah, like a rockstar LOL I wanted to make myself sick of alcohol and I tell you as much as I love Tequila and have an amazing tolerance to the stuff, I could not even walk in the liquor aisle of the store once I decided to make the change. That's how powerful the mind is - my body was saying "yay! no more crap!" The weird thing is, I'm 39 and only started drinking alcohol at 36 -I had this super high tolerance to it even at my petite 5'3" frame! I don't know if that's good or bad, but even though it was a fun little stint to see how the other half lived - my body was like - um, NO! we're shutting down if you keep that up.

I was really beating myself up for the high tolerance too - like thinking I had a drinking problem. When I quit cold turkey on Saturday morning, there was no hangover, no headache, no nausea - nothing. I was literally starving for "food" real food - raw food! I had more of a stress freak out the past few years, and I probably could have avoided the cocktails and managed this through food. Live and learn.

So this is a long blog since it's been 3 days for me already. I feel clearer, though my digestive system had a fit at first, but I think it's good now.

Before I move forward, I take a look back: My diet in 2002 and 2003 when I looked my best and was working out was shall I say - horrible! I looked at an old food journal: No breakfast, ride horses all morning, work, eat a salad, Totino's party pizza and occasional bowl of Ramen soup.

The past 3 years with my husband have been hell on earth - not due to him but other forces, and stress, the WORST stress. He likes his beer - so I started having some with him to chill out at night. He lived on junk food, lunch meats, hamburgers, Taco Bell...I fell into that sh*t and it damn near killed me. At 39 I started to see death in the mirror. I'm not horribly overweight either, like 10-15lbs really, but I feel bad, miserable and look sick. The under eye circles are frightening - no make up can make me look alive anymore. The aches and pains are debilitating and this is not me - I'm athletic, I was vibrant before....that's how toxins kill you. I was so excited to see the before and afters on raw food sites - I realized I could reverse this damage!

So I demanded basically that hubby cut the crap and do this with me. Beer is in the fridge on the porch, so are the sodas. Eventually there will be no more beer there, only a few on weekends for hubby if even that. New fridge in house has only healthy stuff. An unopened bag of Cheetos is out in the outdoor fridge too. I can taste a few if I want in 30 days, though I probably will think they're disgusting by then.

Saturday nite we went for a 1 hour walk together, it was amazing. I forgot to "smell" the trees, grass, dirt etc. I felt alive again. My husband has lived most of his life in the dark, literally. Before me, he had a toxic wife who either didn't cook and forced him to eat junk, or would cook and leave food out so by the time he got home he ended up with food poisoning. She was a drug addict and alkie, as well as heavy smoker - he's been toxic for years but trying like hell to change his life too. Toxic people are just as bad as our toxic foods in a way...they drain you. Even if you don't do drugs, I think you pick up that "darkness" and depression which took him a long time to shake. After 10 years his ex was still harassing us, which set him off and made him want to drink...Not cool - so we cut all ties, we quit being nice and damn it felt good!!!

So this new way of life we adopted is also for our survival and mental health. We cut out unhealthy foods etc., but also realized we have to cut out toxic people. There's no support system for us, except online and I'm grateful for that!! What's nice is, this is the first time I've done a lifestyle change that I can stick with. There's no feeling like this is a temporary fix, because I want to feel good all the time. I want to see a transformation. We have all these pets who eat better than us, parrots on seeds, fruits and veggies, horses on alfalfa and oats, dogs get their supplements and here I was eating junk? duh.