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I’ve been reading blogs, catching up with everyone and there seems to be a common thread, something I may have missed before. Maybe because I’ve been so wrapped up in this “immediate” change that I’m hoping for, or maybe because this switch to raw is kinda overwhelming at first, but I see now that I wasn’t noticing the discussions about the BIG change, the GAOLS, the BIG PICTURES. I would read about the challenges of others and their dreams, not truly identifying except with regards to eating healthy and physically healing. I knew/know that this is holistic, but over the past few days I see that I need to revisit my dreams, my hopes and my self identity.
I remember being a kid and wanting to grow up to be an artist. My Mom is a painter and I wanted to be just like her. Luckily for me the Art Gods shined upon me and gave me a bit of talent, enough anyway to encourage me to become that painter I wanted to be. THAT was my goal. I went to art school with every notion of changing the world with what I had to say.
My life has taken a winding journey and now at 38 I see that I have put my dream on the back burner. Things played a role, ones that I LET happen… terrible first marriage being on the top of that list. Ones that fell into my lap…depression robbed me of my hope. I spent so many years in a dull, apathetic, black hole. Beautiful things happened, like my 3 daughters. Surprising things happened like Q. Now… what is my excuse? What doors am I so unwilling to knock down? (Hia, Beppa) What strength and power am I unwilling to accept as my own? (Hey, Star)
Now IS different. I have taken a step with raw. I had no idea it would open up so many paths in my thinking. It started with me wanting to eat healthy… now I’m thinking of the big picture.
When I was in Colorado I visited my sister. In her home she has many of my pieces hanging on her wall… about 10-15. Over the days I spent there I sat and looked at them. I felt the feelings I felt while painting them. It was invigorating. The feelings are timeless. Even though they were painted 10 or 15 years ago, they still carry emotion, that original emotion that I was trying to convey. I thought then… “I need to get back to my painting” and "That painting is ME!" For so long I was content to “just be a Mom”. I realized that yes, I am a Mom, but I am also a painter. It has been very easy for me to “just be a Mom”. I really don’t know why I did this… it’s not as if I needed an excuse for not painting, it was always something I loved. I even had my paints set up in the studio, waiting for me to have the time, every now and the cranking out the obligatory birthday gift.
Sooooo, I’m standing up, taking the proverbial bull by the horns and saying “Being a painter is still who I am” and “I am also a Mom/wife/friend and I can do it all” It’s all about this self recognition that raw brought… it started with a seemingly simple (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!) change of eating better to treating myself better to thinking to thinking to thinking to THINKING to remembering who I am. WOW!
So my goals have grown. Yes, I still want that “raw glow” but really maybe I should stop checking in the mirror, it will show up when it’s ready. I feel like I need to think broader so these new goals look like this…

Get back to painting every day; make it a priority for Elissa
Accept who I am RIGHT NOW
Embrace my scrawniness {{{HUG}}} (Hehehe), ohhh, ouch!
Enjoy my girls every day
Enjoy Q every day

!R-I-G-H-T O-N!

Enjoy 100% RAW every day