Still pondering here...
So... I've been back at 100% raw for 4 days and MAN am I detoxing!!! Maybe the little sad stint super charged a needed detox, not sure, but this round of detoxing is more extreme then the first go around. My head feels like its going to crack wide open, I can't even bend over to pick up anything off the floor. (with 2 little ones I do that a lot!) I'm sooooo sleepy and my eyes burn. Yesterday I was starving and today I don't want to eat a thing. I think this is so terribly significant! My body is certainly letting me know that, "Yes indeed eating raw IS the best way to go and backing off 100% isn't such a hot idea." So even though I feel like poo, I know I'm on the right track and this will pass.
Back to the vacation... I think I'm a bit discouraged about my family's reaction. Let me say first that they were all supportive and were very accommodating concerning my frequent trips to the grocery store (while I was raw anyway!) They were all happy to see that my depression had lifted and I’m thinking that this was probably a biggie. They all know my struggles and to see me free of it was good. But, here I go again, I want that unmistakable raw glow. I want people to see me as I feel on the inside. I didn’t get that. I got that I looked older because I was too thin. I was told I “Looked like Sh*t”, that I was “so gaunt”. No one noticed anything positive about my outside appearance, perhaps because there aren’t any positives. This makes me feel kinda bad. I know that my being raw was sort of taken less seriously because I didn’t/don't “look healthy”. (“who wants to eat raw if it makes you look like that!”) It diminished my enthusiasm, made me feel like I had to make excuses for my outsides, like “I’m still “healing” and it takes time to get that healthy glow and reach that healthy weight.” I felt like a bad rep for the raw diet. I think this lead to my sad eating as well. I found myself saying, “What the Hell, I don’t want to go through the effort and look terrible, I may as well eat sad foods.”
But again, I learned something valuable here. I learned that doing that, giving in, was harmful in ways that really matter to me. Yes, I want to look healthy and certainly I don’t want to look older that I am (or like Sh*t, gaunt, sickly, etc. etc.) , but more importantly I want to feel happy. Raw provides that for me. I want to feel healthy (even if it is just on the inside), raw does that for me. I want to be in control of what I eat and not starve myself for days because I lost control and ate until I was sick, raw does that for me.
What a journey!