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But I did not eat anything SAD ....again? I can't believe it! Where is this stick-to-it-iveness coming from?
It REALLLY wasn't easy though. Yesterday was by far the worst day.
I started off with some canteloupe as I wanted to give myself a hue, and I know orange foods will do that nicely. ...ok, well not orange foods as in cheese.
Then I thought....mmmmmmm.....I have some chocolate. (I had made this raw recipe the day prior), but only with carob. So I ended up having a tonne of it. I just kept at it as I read my book, passed the point of satisfaction, past full and straight to down right ill. Too much coconut oil? Too much sweet all at once? Too much melon right before, which would be bad food combining? I'm not sure that it was any one thing. But I am serious I was debilitated. I felt like I was getting the flu. I tried to nap it off, wait it off, walk it off. My body felt like I was 90. I started feeling cold and wondered if I was getting the flu. ...and I really felt like I was going to yak. ...but itshould be noted that I am an EXPERT at not yakking. After 6 pregnancies you see, I HATE it.
So the day wore on...I did eat a bit more canteloupe that was left to try and balance out the fudge but needless to say it didn't work. Not surprised.
After laying around ill, I mananged to clean the house in fits and bursts, very carefully, but I tired easily.
Then I felt I couldn't take it anymore. My mind chatter was something as follows: Why are you doing this? This is stupid. That 'carob' fudge is horrible compared to real chocolate. And what about those asian noodles you just bought, and the tika masala sauce that your sister raves about that you bought to try. You LOVE asian food. This way of life is too extreme. It's ridiculous. Just quit. Just go and pick out whatever food you want to COMFORT yourself, ya COMFORT food. Rices, sauces, chocolate, chips, anything you want, just like the good old days....which were only a few days ago anyway. You could make this change any old time, why does it have to be now? Who said 33 was some magical age that you had to do it now? Why NOW??? Why not later, and you can enjoy yourself now?
These thoughts were so forceful that I wonder had I been in the kitchen staring at something evil, had I have eaten it?
Then I began thinking about what I was thinking, like the third person, I think there is a name for it. Like your Id or something. And that self said...ok, let's not make any rash decisions. It would be ok to go off raw, but what you are going to now is binge on a bunch of junk, feel really ill afterward, really guilty. This has nothing to do with comfort food. There are lots of great raw recipes you can find to satisfy anything you miss.
And then I went on about my business. Still all the while feeling like I should be in bed...with a bell being catered to or something.
Around supper I started to feel a little deprived watching everyone else eat, a tad hungry, although still sick. I had a small salad with an avocado. I felt happy about that, but it was hard to eat. The green onions were a bad idea. Never eat stuff like that when you are feeling sick to your stomach!
I rounded off the day with a series of hot and cold sweats, that weird sick taste in your mouth. A headache, joint pains all over. I must say, hot and cold sweats are something. I only have ever had them when I was detoxing, like when I quit smoking way back when, and I think my body was doing a little more than just reacting to the fudge. I think it was cleaning. Which made me feel so proud of myself. :)
I feel much better, nearly back to normal today. and I lost a bit more weight. I am now at 153.0 ...4 pounds lost in total. And am embarking on day 4 of 100% raw.
The other thing I did last night that I should mention was a lot of spiritual thinking. For lack of a better word. I just felt really...I don't know. It was late, and I can't remember it well now.
I also have had trouble with anxiety, nothing diagnosed, just nervous in the extreme at times. And I am feeling stronger that way. Like if I can do this, like I am, than I am strong. There is a certain empowerment that is coming over me I guess.
I am happy and excited to continue.
Happy Sunday.
Anna.