Day 6 - i accept my journey
I have decided to accept my journey for what it is and not to hold myself to an impossible level of perfection. I realize that by grading myself each day, I am saying that somehow this journey should be a perfectly orchestrated plan of action with no detours, twists or turns, and that just wont happen. A fellow raw friend sent me an email that really opened my eyes and allowed me to surrender my self and to let my body and spirit lead me to living water.
So, today is March 6th,. and I accept that it is actually Day 6 even though I want to abandon Day1 beacause I am not proud of it. Nor am I proud of day 4/5 when I had cooked veggies at a fellowship. This journey I realize from reading Alissa's book and praying, is, why am I not free? Am I holding myself to a standard that can never be attained? Am I expecting perfection in being raw to compensate for other areas in my life that I have not made an effort to change? What does freedom mean to me? Who am I trying to impress? Can I not surrender to the day and let my spirit speak life to me through my words and actions?
Its not all about food. The rest of my life should be abuzz too, and it will take time to transition to all of those levels that I would like to be on.
I accept that sometimes I want to be warm and cozy, and embraced by others. It is reflected in the foods that I prefer, and so when I am not eating them, how do I feel? Frustrated today.. but still raw, no matter what I beat myself up with.
2 hard-boiled eggs
1 collard roll
nori rolls (full sheet)
some kombucha drink w/ kelp (my japanese friend has the powder, and it tastes like miso or an egg drop soup, w/o the eggs when dissolved in warm water. I liked it.) I am actually full now...
Lets see how the rest of the day goes. No expectations or standards. Just choosing life for all the steps I take on todays journey.
got home and decided to make the stuffed portabella dish. Made three mushrooms with the recipe in Alissa's book. I added cilantro and a little basil to the guacamole before blending. I had a little leftover marinara from Mon so I spooned a little on top for garnish. Ate 2 banana peppers and 3 olives with it for extra zoom :)
Hubby loved the freshness of it and ate 2 of the 3 I made. I had to eat one (after took a picture -- so pretty!) and I am really full in a good way. A few pangs - not sure if it is hunger or just digestive juices churning. Ate some almonds to quench a bit more.
may have a small piece or torte and some cayenne pepper in warm water before bed. that always soothes my tummy.
Well, i guess I needed to let go of whatever perfectionistic ambitious attitudes I had going into this. I feel like I am having emotional detox already. Confronting a lot of things that used to either irritate me or I just plain avoided. I am glad that this process is really healing me mentally and physically. it will get better each day, i tell myself. No guilt here. Just at peace and rolling up my sleeves, ready to face tomorrow, God willing.