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Saturday Feb 26

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by
Bananna
on 02-26-2011 at 11:08 AM (313 Views)
Today is supposed to be my 'start day' for my new more evolved plan, lol.

I have had two large, crisp and juicy fuji apples with cinnamon, which I love. I have NO bananas in the house which is making me sad a bit. I really depend on those!

Yesterday, I had a large fight with my spouse...the kind where you cry and don't speak for hours on end. :

Needless to say, I didn't have my planned Thai Friday night meal...because it was simply too awkward to treat myself. One of the subjects we fought about was my raw vegan obsession...lol. I countered that with pointing out that he has an 80's and 90's movie obsession and TV in general. He asked me what the point of my raw vegan escapades were. I asked him what the point of his old movie watching was....
One of those fights, where winter is getting just Too old and we are getting cabin fever.

My point is, that mentally I am in a weird place right now...I feel like I can't be excited about talking about raw anymore in my own house...even though I know what he said was in the heat of the moment, I kind of just feel foolish with it because I do so poorly at it overall.

So that's weird because normally I like to talk about what I'm making, get excited, make jokes about it, etc. ...so my mojo is just Off.

Why does this sound like an excuse? I haven't even cheated or anything yet...but I am thinking I might have that Thai meal tonight, since I was starting today anyway and I did say I could have it on Friday or Saturday...but now I'm also wondering...if my plan is too strict and I'm setting myself up to fail.

I will think on this...I think it's mostly a headspace problem. That said, reading your guys posts is very helpful...it's almost like if I don't have it in myself, I can come here and get it infused in, so I am really thankful for all of your blogposts in my time of woe.

I think I'm going to go make some recipe...maybe a bread, just to 'walk the walk'...Dr. Phil once said that even if you don't FEEL internally like changing a behaviour, just do it anyway, that doing the action actually helps you get the mind part right to go along with it. So walk the walk even if it feels awkward and totally counter-intuitive to how you are feeling.

....not that I am feeling that incongruent, but I am feeling ...still sad a bit, embarrassed, confused.

On the upside, I am almost down 4 pounds from my highest weight (so 4/5 of the original five I lost, I have relost) ...I attribute this to yesterday's appetite suppressing fight stress in part though, lol. But it still is a little gold nugget of inspiration too.
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Comments

  1. RawHealthyBeauty's Avatar
    Hey!!

    Maybe just go with the flow day by day on what kind of raw food you would like to eat for that day or the next day.

    And you can e-mail anytime if you want to talk about all the wonderful raw food things you want to make or how it benefits you. I always have a good pair of ears for that kind of stuff. I've noticed that alot of people are a little sensitive when they see someone eating healthier than they are so I try not to make a big deal out of it too much unless they really want to know how wonderful raw food is.

    When I got started on raw food, someone had gifted me a used manual threadmill. I walked on it everyday and it really makes all the difference in the world when with my moods. It always made me feel better.

    I'm here for ya if you need any support or encouragement.
  2. Bananna's Avatar
    thanks for pointing out the exercise piece...I am totally missing that. And I KNOW it helps, yet I am so stressed out about, well my stressors: finishing this semester, 5 kids in the house, 1 on his own but needs lots of parenting still, housecleaning...and oddly working out would help in these areas, it's just the time commitment I struggle with I guess...but I Know it's an excuse too.
    So thanks for calling me out on that.

    That said, I have just downloaded myfitnesspal app onto my phone and it's pretty cool as is their website. :) ...they give you 1200 calories a day and you can eat extra if you workout, so am looking forward to giving that whole thing a good chance :)
  3. monkapotapus's Avatar
    (((HUGS Bananna)))

    I'm sorry you two had a fight yesterday

    I completely agree with the Dr. Phil statement....basically - "Fake it, till you make it"....whether that be smiling when you don't feel like it, exercising when you don't want to, eating healthy, relationships, etc.....

    Here's a quote from one of my yogi tea bags from the other day - love it! "Be great, feel great and act great".....Be good to yourself

    I am also here if you ever need to email someone - I work a lot, but I WILL always respond~
  4. Bananna's Avatar
    aw thanks Monk! How do you email people on here? ...maybe I will try and figure that out. ...I had my Thai food and there is a little voice inside me that is quietly saying, 'remember that yummy green curry thai soup you made that was all raw one time?...maybe I should try it again and try some others too!'

    Tomorrow I want to be very productive. Today was a birthday and a lot of nonsense, some raw...but still recovering from yesterday emotionally...I find Starting raw to require focus and it just wasn't there for me today and I knew it wasn't. BUT I feel good now, I have some bananas, and am getting my motivation and mojo back with it. Now if I can just get ahead of the game enough tomorrow with work...my plan is to wake up early to make this happen.


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