Saturday Feb 26
Today is supposed to be my 'start day' for my new more evolved plan, lol.
I have had two large, crisp and juicy fuji apples with cinnamon, which I love. I have NO bananas in the house which is making me sad a bit. I really depend on those!
Yesterday, I had a large fight with my spouse...the kind where you cry and don't speak for hours on end. :
Needless to say, I didn't have my planned Thai Friday night meal...because it was simply too awkward to treat myself. One of the subjects we fought about was my raw vegan obsession...lol. I countered that with pointing out that he has an 80's and 90's movie obsession and TV in general. He asked me what the point of my raw vegan escapades were. I asked him what the point of his old movie watching was....
One of those fights, where winter is getting just Too old and we are getting cabin fever.
My point is, that mentally I am in a weird place right now...I feel like I can't be excited about talking about raw anymore in my own house...even though I know what he said was in the heat of the moment, I kind of just feel foolish with it because I do so poorly at it overall.
So that's weird because normally I like to talk about what I'm making, get excited, make jokes about it, etc. ...so my mojo is just Off.
Why does this sound like an excuse? I haven't even cheated or anything yet...but I am thinking I might have that Thai meal tonight, since I was starting today anyway and I did say I could have it on Friday or Saturday...but now I'm also wondering...if my plan is too strict and I'm setting myself up to fail.
I will think on this...I think it's mostly a headspace problem. That said, reading your guys posts is very helpful...it's almost like if I don't have it in myself, I can come here and get it infused in, so I am really thankful for all of your blogposts in my time of woe.
I think I'm going to go make some recipe...maybe a bread, just to 'walk the walk'...Dr. Phil once said that even if you don't FEEL internally like changing a behaviour, just do it anyway, that doing the action actually helps you get the mind part right to go along with it. So walk the walk even if it feels awkward and totally counter-intuitive to how you are feeling.
....not that I am feeling that incongruent, but I am feeling ...still sad a bit, embarrassed, confused.
On the upside, I am almost down 4 pounds from my highest weight (so 4/5 of the original five I lost, I have relost) ...I attribute this to yesterday's appetite suppressing fight stress in part though, lol. But it still is a little gold nugget of inspiration too.