So today is good so far...and I didn't post last night so today is a recap..yesterday went pretty well..I could have eaten a little better..but all in all it went well ..my body is making me happy too !!..I lost 7.8 lbs. so far (I woke up today at .8 less than yesterday)..which is making me sooo very happy..the only people that have noticed are my customers..polly cuz they don't see me every day..but my friends are happy for me..but I really can't wait until I lose10-15 lbs cuz then I think more people will notice ..my skin keeps breaking out..I hope it's a detox and will soon go away ..my birthday is coming up ..so hopefully 20 lb. weight loss will be my present to myself ..and that could possibly make it my BEST birthday ever!! ...I never did write anything about myself that I was planning on..so i think I might...
Basically about 31/2 yrs ago..I started dating my best friend..tho I new everything about him (including all of the bad stuff)...so not quite sure what I was thinking there..but anyhoo..I'm from Ohio and I've always wanted to move to CA since I was like 10..but his family lives in SC..and he said can we move there first then after like a yr we can move to CA...stupidly I agreed..he always drank more than i did..but i was mentally stable at the time so I could handle any drunken stupid outbursts...and it wasn't too bad at first (that's the statement of doom btw)..i instantly hated it in SC..but his job prevented us from moving for 1 1/2 yrs..anyways drinking started spiralling out of control..I was so depressed and unhappy about where I was in my life, living there, and being verbally put down by him..that I gained 20 lbs in 1 yr..then it just got worse and worse..to the point where I truly felt that I was actually slowly going crazy..I'd be crying all of the time..my selfesteem was non-existant..he wouldn't /couldn't stop drinking and insulting me..I could barely pull myself out of bed to go to work..my life was a TOTAL disaster..
I looked online and saw that he was emotionaly abusive and that I had become co-dependant...it was horrible.. ..he broke up with me and decided to move to Nashville.. but then he'd profess change and wanted me back..it was honestly from day to day a back and forth fight..break-up or stay together..on and on and on...I never thought I'd be able to leave him for good..when he moved to Tennesee we tried to make it work long distance..but thank God/Goddess/Universe that that was what I needed..
he finally did soemthing horrible again..and I ended it..and he called and begged and begged..and even offered to come see me..but I new that if i stayed living like this that I would actually either go crazy or wake up one day at 40 and realize I wasted my life on someone who no matter how much they tried couldn't love me for who I was...it was actually kind of weird..almost like I was in the twilight zone..cuz I took a week to think about it..realized I couldn't trust him about anything..and that week that I didn't talk to him had been the best week I had in a VERY long time...so I called to end it..and all I could do was just keep saying no..to everything he asked or said..it was almost like I wasn't in my body but watching myself..I think I was too overwhelmed by everything and just shut down...
so he has a thing with never seeing an exgirlfriend after they break up..which I was upset about at first..but I think that's what saved me from ever going back..not being able to talk or see him again..I cried for almost 2 weeks every day..never thought I'd cry myself physically ill..i try to think of it as a learning experience instead of i wasted 3 yrs. of my life..becuz I don't regret knowing Dann..and I think some samll part of me will always love him..I see the mistakes that we both made..and that he had too many problems that I of course could not help with..some things u have to fix on your own..I feel sad for him sometimes..cuz I know he doesn't mean to do things he does..but his life has been hard and he's just really a lost boy when it comes down to it..I wish him well tho..and I slowly have been getting better and better..I am pulling myself out of my depression and trying to figure my life out again..I hope to move to San Francisco within a yr.. and going Raw has been sooo helpful..I've been feeling so much better about life, myself, and just not dpressed like b4..
well..sorry so long of a post..hope everyone has a RAWking Rawesome day