on 05-11-2007 at 09:40 AM (329 Views)
I made it to day 7!
I am drinking my lemon water. I am bummed right now. I had typed this whole thing only to lose the entire post! I must have hit the wrong key, I don't know but all that I had writen was gone in a flash! Argh!! here goes again..
Yesterday was a very challenging day for me. I went to the grocery store. Not whole foods, I just can't afford to spend that kind of money right now. I went to my regular grocery store. I spent $26, in stead of $80. I bought apples, radishes, jicama, I want to experiment with different foods. I also had to buy some MEAT........my husband has been very nice and understanding and eating raw with me but he has really missed his meat so I told him I would cook him some. I have to say it was tough putting meat in my basket.
Another tough challenge. The grocery store. The grocery store is my nirvana, my partner, my confidant if you will, it is where I go by myself and bask in all that is my "drug" FOOD....It is where I go to the depths of my disease of compulsion. I am safe in there, there is no one to tell me I can't. It is where I buy the 4/$1. snickers, kitkats, whatevers...it is where I get the hot off the oven donuts, the "we baked too much breads, pies, etc...and of course I am drawn to the tables of come get me freebie samples. It is my entertainment, my "feel good" place that understands and dosen't question or shake it's head in dissapproval. It is my place.
I didn't do any of that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got what I needed although it was a touch and go for awhile...I kept looking longingly at the stuff I wanted so badly...I felt like I was saying bye to a close close friend...took me a long time to leave the store but I did leave!
I kept looking in my bags for that "on the ride home buddy". My friend the bag of chips, the candy bar the soda and/or whatever else is the norm for me. It was not easy but I made it home alone!!! It is a miracle. It is a miracle. I thank God for the strength it took to make it through all that.
My next challenge was cooking the meat for my husband. Oh how I wanted to at least lick my fingers..lol.... I didn't. I just plated it up for him and set it down for him. I went back into the kitchen and made my yummie salad.
I came back and ate my salad only glancing at his meat a couple of times but I did not waver at all. This is a first for me!! WooHoo!!! If there can be a first, there can be a second, etc.......For the first time I can say there just might be hope for me to break through this addiction that has had such a powerful hold on me for so many years. I don't want to jinx myself into thinking I am over it all but I will say that "Just for today". I feel I am going to be ok.
My headache is not as bad as it has been, I feel lighter, I still want to get a scale, I have no clue how much I've lost (if any) but I have a feeling I just may have. I am hoping anyway.That will be another challenge. I am one who is so quick to sabatoge myself. If I see the scale go the wrong way I say to heck with it, I am not loosing anyway...let me go eat. If is does go the right way I say "Yeah!!!!!! I am loosing...let me eat to celebrate....LOL. I get stuck like in that revolving door at the hotel...I can't seem to get out of it.
I just may have found my way out of that door. If only for today. I thank God for this site, this journal, the awesome people in it that care, share, sympathize, empathize and in general share a bond of sorts with those of us here. I ask God to keep everyone strong today and help us all make it one more day.
ok.......I'm off to the kitchen again...
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