A Little of This; A Little of That

One of the biggest obstacles I see for many people is that they take things personally.

How often I've heard them say that someone did something "to them" yet, when I look at the facts, basically, they just did something ~ it wasn't "to" anyone in particular ~ AND, even if it was, it's still not personal.

This was brought up to me many years ago. At the end of a transformational weekend, my teacher gave each student a small piece of paper with something written on it. Mine said "Don't take it personally".

As I've said in many of my writings, we've learned so much via those around us, t.v., movies, etc. and we learn reactions instead of conscious response.

For instance, in a recent blog I wrote how my husband had left the hatch on my car open enough to leave the light on which killed the battery. We're going out for lunch, it's my birthday and my car wont start.

Many women would have taken it personally! He had done it TO them when actually it had nothing to do with them. It was his own unconsciousness. We pretty much all have those moments.

The other day I had put a question up on FaceBook. Everyone who commented agreed and understood what I was saying except one person who "tried" to turn it into something else by bringing up that I'd been gang-raped, my response to an Amazon review and because I told her what she was saying was separate from what I'd said she called me "childish". NONE of which had anything at all to do with my question.

I received numerous emails from folk telling me how I should respond, how rude she was, that I should "block" her, etc. I could also have deleted her responses ~ none of which I did.

What was going on with her really had nothing to do with me. Something came up for her and her perception of what I was saying went askew and she brought her own stuff into the conversation.

I know I've done that. Haven't you? *shrugs* It's not a big thing and it's not about me! It may not even have been about what I said there! It could very well have begun with something else I'd written or said on one of my UStream shows OR, something that was going on in her own life. Who's to know? Certainly not I.

This brings up a memory of when I was working at a car dealership. The girlfriend of the manager took a really strong dislike to me and we'd barely ever spoken. I remember she said something nasty to me and I said (paraphrasing) "I don't know why you dislike me but it seems as though you do. If you ever feel to tell me..." That stopped her. Awhile later she came to me and said I was right and she had no clue as to why. It wasn't about me but it WAS something about me that brought up something insider of her. It wasn't personal.

Once you get that pretty much whatever is going on around you (even though my world revolves around me; not everyone else's does. Hopefully, theirs revolves around them) is not ABOUT you, you become more relaxed with life.

For instance, it use to be that no matter how good I did at something, no matter how many compliments I received, all I needed was that one "negative" (in my view) response and BAM! My day/life was shot!

Now, with all I do, I receive a lot of compliments, appreciations, email, etc. thanking me. While I really enjoy reading them and appreciate folk taking the time of their lives to write, it's about them, not me! I'm just the catalyst.

By the same token when I read that someone's blocked me or I find they've "unfriended" or "unfollowed" me or they dispute something I write or say, it's still not about me. They may not have liked something I wrote, or did or said yet, it's their response to it. It's not personal to me.

Sort of an addendum. My father died when I was 12. Until I got some help I didn't realize that I was REALLY angry with him for doing so and kept sabotaging my own relationships because of this unconscious anger. I felt he had left me alone with two people I didn't like (mother and brother). Well, he had left AND I was left with them yet, he didn't think "I'm going to die and leave Revvell alone to be abused". He didn't "do it to me". He died. Wasn't about me. Affected me, yes. But, it wasn't done "to me". Make sense?

Revvell

Bodacious Living