Carly

OK, I have to be honest. I few days ago I was thisclose to going back to cooked food. I had all but decided. First it was because I started having major cravings, but then the cravings stopped but I just felt like I was going crazy emotionally. First it started with depression and apathy. Both were pretty strong and it's very abnormal for me to feel that way. Then there was really intense anxiety and a feeling of 'dread.' I didn't want to be around people; I just wanted to curl up and either scream or cry. I started having all kinds of doubts and fears about the diet. I was really confused and frustrated because I was feeling worse than before I started raw. It seemed like I started to detox but nothing as being eliminated and I wondered if I was doing something wrong.

Two days ago was the raw potluck. In the few days leading up to it I was feeling so bad emotionally and had pretty much decided to go off the diet, but some small part of me didn't want this time to be the same as all the other times were I'd give up. The hours before the potluck were the worst; the anxiety was so strong. I was preparing the potluck dish and I remember thinking "I'm losing it! I'm going insane!" And I wasn't exaggerating at all.

When I first got to the potluck I felt really edgy and down. But as the hours passes I started to feel better and better. I really felt I "belonged" there, and quite a few of the people I already feel like I'm forming close relations with even though I've only known them a month. I left recommitted to raw.

When I got home I couldn't believe how much better I felt. I felt totally fine after feeling terrible earlier. Then I remembered that I had forgotten to take my afternoon dose of my thyroid medication that day. I realized that all the crazy things I had been feeling were the exact same symptoms my mom had when she was hyperthyroid. I had actually cut back my dosage 2 weeks before after being on the same dosage for months. But I guess the raw foods are either making me more sensative or healing my thyoris so I don't need as much! I cut way back and now I feel just fine. :)

Hmmm...improvments in the past month...I have to admit nothing too dramatic. Ups and downs in emotions and physical symptoms. I'm definitely still in the throws of detox. Other times I did raw it was not this intense and the pattern of detox was much different. One thing I've noticed is that I'm much less hungey. I feel that I barely eat (well, compared to how I used to be), whereas before I was constantly snacking throughout the day and night.

Another thing is that I'd always have 2 or 3 'diet' dessertd per night, and this week I haven;t really been craving raw desserts. Don't get me wrong, if they were made already I'd eat them and enjoy them, but I'm tired (I just started a new job yesterday so I'm still adjusting) and I don't feel I need to make a dessert because I'm fine without one. I just had a few strawberries. I never thought I'd ever not need dessert!

I think the acne on my body has improved somewhat. I've lost about 8 lbs. That's good for me, I had lost exactly 0 lbs in the 3 months prior to raw while I was on Weight Watchers (well, I didn't exactly follow the program because I couldn't control my snacking on processed, MSG-laden foods).

I'm starting to notice other little things too, that aren;t quite formed so they're hard to identify exaclty. For instance, 6 weeks ago I went to this group I belong too, and that day there were maybe 8 or 9 people, all of whom I know. I had to get up and read a passage, and though I sounded fine and it wasn't apparent, I was so nervous that my heart was pounding and I thought my throat was closing up! Yesterday, the first day at my new job, we were broken up into groups and one person had to present the group project. I actually volunteered to go up, and when I got up I wasn't nervous at all, even though it was in front of 30 strangers and I had to adlib half of it. I made eye contact and spoke slowly and explained all the bulletpoints off the top of my head when the presenters from the other groups just read theirs off. I have no idea why there was such a big change; the only difference is the raw diet.

My meditations have been slightly but noticeably deeper and I can feel a lot more heat in my hands than I used too. when I ask to absorb divine energy

Right now I can only commit to 2 weeks raw at a time (I go grocery shopping every 2 weeks). That was all I could commit to when I was so close to giving up. Hopefully soon I'll detox some more and feel better so I'll have more interesting things to report.

More food pics next time. I made some delicious fajitas I'll have to show you! Talk to you soon all and thanks for reading! :)