Training Days 53 - 56
There are some days (or weeks) when I would rather stick a fork in my eye than be stuck in this suburban housewife hell for five. more. minutes. This is one of those weeks.
This funk has really got me in a tailspin though. DH told me this morning that I really need to get back into my walking routine. I've been avoiding exercise in general all week and have been out of my walking routine for a couple of weeks. All I want to do is curl up on the couch and wait for tomorrow.
This week has been rough for me, not just food-wise but mentally and emotionally as well. I can't really pin-point any one thing; I'm just really feeling... lost. Monday I really gave in and made a plethora of terrible food choices. It was really awful. Tuesday I made one terrible food choice but the rest was raw. Wednesday was great and today will be too. Every minute is brand new. How cool is that!?!?
I think I've sort of hit on why I've been struggling with staying raw after being raw for 6 straight months. In those first 6 months the weight came off in sheets. I was practically getting smaller every time I looked in the mirror and that was such powerful motivation. This last month and a half though, I've been pretty well stalled. Every morning when I wake up I'm somewhere between 135 and 140. To be honest, it's been depressing me quite a bit. On those REALLY down days I tend to throw my hands up in despair and say, "what the hell" and just eat whatever I want. The trick now is focusing on some new motivation other than just weight loss.
I have to be honest here and say that I'm terrified. DS10 goes back to school in a little over a week and I'm going to be here all by myself all day everyday. I know that's where I started out my raw journey but I feel like I'm in such a dark place right now that I could easily allow myself to drown in a cesspool of SAD food. I don't want that and I can't let it happen. I need to get control of my emotions, my routines and my thoughts. Of course, saying and doing are always two very different things.
Something I AM pretty proud of myself for starting though is grapefruit juice every morning. I was reading about it helping with fat and cellulite loss so I started juicing two HUGE grapefruits first thing every morning and cutting the 2 cups of juice with 2 cups of water. I've never EVER liked grapefruit or grapefruit juice before but I'm really starting to look forward to my juice every morning. Being raw I've seen a drastic change in fat and cellulite but there's obviously much more to go. I'm hoping the grapefruit juice will help. If not though, I'm still really enjoying it at the moment.