easyrawliving

ok.......... so today I am feeling weepy.... part of the detox I'm sure... headache... and weepy.

And I'm feeling alone. I hate that part. Spoiler Alert - I'll probably be sharing TMI so stop now if you are so inclined.

I was in a relationship with a man for over 8 years.... we are still in each other's lives but as friends.... (there is no intimacy involved - part of the reason for the break)...

Part of my struggle is that while overall I really like being single, there are definitely times when I want to share aspects of my life with someone who 'gets' it... someone I can just be with... and I thought I was going to be spending the rest of my life with him...

I think I need some real distance. The crazy part is that I am the one who instigated the break... it was right... it IS right... there are definitely things that won't work for us.... but when we are together we still lapse into the same routines... the same familiarity... the ease.... and I start feeling as though we are together....

but we aren't. so I become let down and sad all over again : P

I know this is drivel (sp) and rambling... it's just, to be perfectly frank, there is this part of me that wishes he would just 'snap out of it', realize how fabulous I am, and fight to get me back....

*sigh*.... I need to gain some distance. The funny part is.... when I give it thought, I do not want to go back to that relationship because the things that were lacking, still are and still would be... so therein lies the confusion for me... do I crave the familiar simply because it is familiar... but at the same time wish that it would be different this time? It won't be. He is who he is.....

I need to continue on my own journey.... and focus on the things I love most about my life...
as well as the things that support my life, my growth, my life choices...

And in all of this it feels really good to feel my feelings and not be stuffing them down with cooked foods... lol....

yep.... definitely feeling the raw.

...scatter joy...
lindy