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Today I posed naked!!!
...in front of the mirror Three weeks ago I avoided EVERY mirror! Even with clothes on. And even if I had only to watch my face;) Now I can say. Its okay. Not perfect and not something to spend hours with... but I don't faint when I see a white ghostface staring at me

StarFire: Was there someone who said horsebackriding shapes the insides of the legs?
When I walk arround today I feel like a cowboy after 10 hours ride It gives my legs a john wayne shape

My lovely horse doesnt seem to have any sore muscles though... He is doing just fine and seems to be happy. He filled me with so much joy today!! I am so gratefull for those moments!! (Since I am raw I seem to appreciate everything much more...)

BTW: Thats something I just noticed today! I dont feel any kind of anger or irritation or anything coming up in my head! NOTHING! Just gratefullness, joy, love peace and harmony (to bring on some stereotypes And NO!!! I am no late hippie or anything.. When I think about it.. that I could feel anger in any situation... I think hm... I CANT be angry/irritated/impatient... I miss this pressure in my forehead... THERE TURNED UP A LIGHT INSTEAD!! ;) (muuuuhahahaha... I sound so esoteric But believe me!!! I AM A PRETTY NORMAL TWEN!
Also the clouds in my mind are away...

Maybe its only the sun(You might think I got a pretty big bit too much of it frieng my brain ) and maybe its only temporary BUT I LOVE IT AND I ENJOY IT FOR NOW

There is allways a certain peace in being what one is, in being that completely!
Do you understand what I mean? If you are your real you. That in the purest possible way! Without any drugs, toxines making you numb, hiding your real beauty causing sadness, frustration, desperation, anger against yourself or others... I come back to the image of the mirror: When you find yourself and can love yourself as you are coz it is what you REALLY are (and not a chubby, sick, ugly, stinky and unsatisfied person...)Than you can start to make peace with yourself... AND THEN you can EASILYmake peace with the world...
AND BELIEVE ME:

EVERYONE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE BEAUTYFULL!!!! I often was thinking about something...
I mean AAAAAAAAAAAAAALL WILD ANIMALS ARE OF AMAZING BEAUTY AND AESTHETIC! All babies are sweet, and all children up to age ten have a wonderfull individual beauty!!
WHY CAN'T ALL ADULT HUMANS BE BEAUTYFULL?
Of course everyone looks different... but in all proportions, every colour, every ethncity and every age is an individual beauty!!

We just have to set this beauty free!:)

I don't like all those prtty smart advice in woman magazines like... accept yourself and then you get beautyfull. That is bullshit!! I AM YOUNG AND I WANT EVERYTHING AND I DONT WANT TO ACCEPT THAT(what I had been)I don't want to think t. ex. that 200 lbs, a blown up face, grey skin, disgusting smell, dull hair and eyes or something like that is beautyfull! NO!!! NO WAY!! That fits not into my imagination of AESTHETIC!!!! NO NO NO!
It should be: you ARE beautyfull and THEN you accept yourself!!And you are beautyfull when you are pure yourself!! With no hamburgers and chocolatecreamcake on zour hips in your face and god knows where.

RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE NOTHINGon this planet could get me to go back to sad!! I DONT WANT TO EAT ANYTHING COOKED ANYMORE!! NO WAY! YOU HAVE TO HOLD A GUN AT MY HEAD TO MAKE ME EAT THAT DIRT!

IT COMPLEEEETELY LOST ALL ITS ATTRACTIVITY Even things I think smell good or would taste good...I admit that. But it does not do anything to me!!! I just dont CARE!!

I NEEEEEVER FELT LIKE THAT BEFORE IN ANY OTHER RAW PHASE... I allways felt like putting myself into restrictions... I was suffering of it...I ever felt like that cant last forever, I am happy when I have a weekend off and can binge a bit... blabla.. and now like a BANG!!it is just away! GONE! Gone forever!!

And this new LIBERTYand all the SATISFACTION I just find in all my being, let me feel PEACE and LOVE against everyone and against myself. And It lets me see the BEAUTY in myself(coz now it really IS there) and in others and in everything that exists on our planet!
THAT is something I can ACCEPT!!!

:) Have a beautyfull day everyone...(and please... don't think now punkspirit became completely insane ... though... I wouldnt even mind you. Coz I LOVE YOU! )