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Over the past year, I've felt what I can only describe as something "calling" me toward a raw vegan lifestyle. I've even made a couple of ill-fated, half-hearted attempts which in all fairness were not that bad. The main reason I have not been 100% raw is because at some point or another, there is a social situation in which I cannot bear to miss or one in which I cannot bring myself to decline food when I am in attendance -- so essentially it's all down to me.

I can honestly say, I've felt so much better on days when I was actually raw - and I have some real addictions and tendancies that I would like to get rid of... one of which is my complete lack of control with regard to sugar.

In short, I've never lived for even a moment in my life, not just for me anyway, and I don't know myself. I want to purge all the toxins in my body. I want to cleanse out from my system not only the physical and chemical toxins, but the emotional and historical toxins as well.

These past few years have been very tough for me. For a long time, I hid under a protective "blanket" of fat. My fat blanket helps to keep me segregated from the world. Because I am fat, I don't have to get to know people. Because I am fat, I don't have to really care about my appearance. Because I am fat, of course people are not going to like me. Hello, I'm fat.

I am more or less just trying to get real with myself. The truth is, if I look way down deep in my soul, I've done this on purpose and I am ready to let go. I want to do everything I can to cleanse my mind, body and spirit. I don't want anymore lies here. I want to connect with myself.

Today is my first day of my juice feast... I stole this idea from the web. There are a lot of gurus who have done this in recent weeks and all of them have reported total health and some serious energy.

You know what's weird? I'm even committed to not cheating. I've done everything before and to be honest here, I have always in the back of my head, heard myself saying we'll see for how long... and I've not been serious about it... but this time I want it to be different.

I am going to blog here when I need to work out some feelings or to document what's going on with me. It might not be every day. It might sometimes be many times a day... so for all of you out there who are reading this - enjoy.

Michelle 24 April 2007 9:17 am Weight: 231