OK, here we go.
byon 03-29-2009 at 11:53 AM (358 Views)
For my first blog I have decided to ramble a bit about myself because, well, it's a blog about me, right? I intend to eat light today and start on full 100 percent raw tomorrow.
So here goes.
My name is Christina, I am 30 yrs old, and the mother of one. I have been some form of vegetarian since I was about 15 yrs old which is also around the time I became involved with the "hardcore" and Straightedge scene. That's a whole other story on it's own.
I live in San Juan Capistrano, CA. I was born and raised in Orange County, CA but I have also lived in Alaska, Utah, Colorado, and Pennsylvania. I actually really like southern California, minus the people and cars =)
My quest into raw food goes something like this: I moved to Philadelphia on a whim in 2000 after living in Salt Lake City for a bit. I met someone in Philly who I later married and had a child with. My husband was really into Kung Fu, Chi Gung and veganism and some how he stumbled upon the whole "raw food thing" while trying to find ways to be healthy and happy. He would always try and get me involved in what he was eating but I tended to be stubborn and avoid change so I never lasted long on my raw food binges. My husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2006 and my world was turned upside down. To cope with losing him, which left me broke and a single mother, I resorted to food as comfort. I moved from PA to CA when he died and spent a lot of time feeling like...shit. My weight crept up, my attitude was terrible and I was suffering. I decided one day to start reading through some of the raw books my husband had to look for inspiration (or maybe just another reason to remember him and cry about it). Somehow instead of feeling resentful and crabby I felt inspired. I unpacked the Excaliber dehydrator, the Champion juicer and later bought a Vita Mix blender. I realized that the best thing for me to do was to stop suffering over my husbands loss and start embracing what he had taught me and brought to my life as a way to remember him. I have consciously added more raw foods and removed as much packaged foods as I can and my sister and I did a week of raw last Summer.
I feel like raw should be easy for me but it isn't. I don't have any excuses when it comes to not having equipment or books for recipe ideas. I seriously must own about 75% of the raw books out there and I've got the food processor, dehydrator and Cadillac of blenders and juicers. Clearly the problem isn't lack of money or knowledge...the problem is ME. I lack discipline.
It seems stupid to me to admit that I easily shun drugs, drinking and smoking yet am addicted to cooked foods. Not just any cooked foods either...I love breads. My dad often calls me a "carbatarian". I could subsist happily on bread alone, despite the quote that says otherwise. It is irritating to know the problem lies within myself and yet I find it so difficult to control.
I read a lot of Stoic philosophy and have a special love for Marcus Aurelius' "meditations". Stoics believe we shouldn't obsess over controlling things that are outside of ourselves and thus outside of our control. But my inability to stay raw is coming from MYSELF! DAMN YOU, STOICS!
And so my biggest challenge with being raw is overcoming my own ability to go behind my back and dig into the foods I should not eat. One would THINK that controlling ourselves, rather than others, would be so easy since we are calling the shots. Oh, on the contrary! I feel like I could manipulate other people to be raw before I could manipulate myself. Pathetic!
Anyways, I am entering into this months raw challenge with a greater sense of purpose. I have a few health issues that I want to clear up and also I am sick of being fat! YES, I should accept myself as I am. YES, skinny isn't the only body type. YES, I am amazing even with the extra weight.....but let's face it folks...I am not getting any younger. I want my outside to match my inside..if that makes sense. I will be thrilled to get clearer skin, a clearer mental state, posi attitude and all that jazz but I am really looking forward to "releasing" pounds and pounds of fat as well=) After dealing with losing someone and having to start life over I feel like I deserve a damn self-esteem boost! To hell with the naysayers.
So there is a little blip about me. It turned into a bit of a novella but whatever.