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Okay,

So here it is. I've made a lot of excuses about why I am where I am in my life.

I just got a Vita-mix blender and it's made being raw soooooo much easier. Oh man, this has made eating raw less of a hassle to maintain, and has triggered me getting back into raw.

I'm struggling since moving back in with my parents, chronic bad eaters, and I've gained 12 lbs since. I dreaded moving home for this very reason, since I'd managed to develop healthy, productive eating habits, unlike my family. They're good people, they just have different priorities than I do.

I'm going to try and do a green smoothie kick-start to my rawness. Tomorrow, I'm going to make a big pot of green smoothie with the fresh-from-the-garden spinach my friend gave me.

I feel so terrible about my body. I don't eat bad generally, even when I am not raw, but I'm not as active as I should be. I've gained weight and really lost my drive. Also, I'm fluctuating between varying degrees of depression since being unable to get a job for almost a year. I don't even want to go in public because I feel like such a loser that I can't get a job. I think I eat so that my body will become how ugly and awful I feel on the inside. Kind of like, who would want to date a loser like me, I should just let myself become the physical manifestation of how I see myself.

Anyway, green smoothies tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day.