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Jenifae's Raw Journey

Made a Decision

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9 Comments
by
Jenifae
on 03-03-2009 at 01:14 AM (519 Views)
I have been working at RAW since, last year this month on the 22nd. ALmost a year now. So, I guess I'm feeling like I'm tired of struggling with myself and food. I have noticed that when I am RAW 100% I feel Incredible and when I am not 100% Raw I don't feel the same. In fact aside from the feelings of guilt and remorse, I feel tired and lazy, so my energy is lower, sometimes my stomach hurts, I can and will feel itchy, bitchy, and jumpy, my eyes will have a glaze, I can get a rash and/or bumps. In General I Feel Bad - Emotionally, Physically, and Mentally when I let even small portions of SAD in.

I am praying that I can really get this Deal. I'm Sick and Tired of feeling Sick and Tired and want to Be and Feel Better! So, I am really looking at this like every other Addiction. One is Too Many and a Thousand is never Enough. So, Abstinence is the only cure that I know of. I want to be sure that I release all of my reservations about SAD especially when it comes to sugar. Amazingly, SAD sugar is Poisen. SO, why do I want Poisen? I really don't.

Today I ate more then I wanted too but, it was all RAW except for 1 cup of coffee. I've been drinking a cup everyday for a week. So, I"m DONE! I got some black tea to assist me in kicking the coffee. I have noticed that i have been more irritable from the coffee and not as paitent with everyone including my sweet unconditionally loving animals.

Today, we went to see a Bankruptcy lawyer and she should really be a DA. She is not empathetic at all and should not be a bankruptcy lawyer. We are not investigating bankruptcy because, we don't want to pay any of our creditors - we are trying not to sink. She seemed almost angry and would not give us all information we wanted. She refused and said we can research it. What? We knew most of what she did share with us because, DH researched it. So, we are still trying to decide and figure what we can do and what is best to do.

That being said.......I think I am not surprised that I've been overeating and eating SAD.

So, I am deciding to make a Strong decision to Be RAw! I want to remind myself everyday of how Sad makes me feel and to keep it simple and work on eating normally.

Peace

PS: Oh, so I did start to nibble on DH's muffin when we got back in the car from the BR Lawyer. Huh, no surprise. I caught myself and said STOP!

Updated 03-03-2009 at 01:19 AM by Jenifae

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Comments

  1. Zaphirah's Avatar
    "One is Too Many and a Thousand is never Enough"-I'm posting this on my fridge. This is what I have been trying to tell dh for YEARS. You have *totally* helped me shift my thinking just by those words! That is exactly it. I am *forever* trying to find balance between raw and a *little* cooked vegan, but I ALWAYS fall off-because eventually 1000 isn't enough. Ingenious!
    I totally hear you on the muffin-nibblin'. My son got really upset the other other day and the VERY second he settled down and left the room, and disaster was narrowly averted, the VERY 1st thought I had was to order up a veggie sub from the store down the street. I actually pictured it in my mind, before the kid was even down the hall to his room! How sick is THAT??? I told my dh about it, how my mind AUTOMATICALLY goes there and how I have to FIGHT it until the urge passes. I told my dh that I would feel blissed out while eating teh sub and buy myself some down time but then I'd feel fat, disgusting, and disappointed. Ugh. A fine mess we are in, eh? Well, at least we have each other! ((((Jen))))
  2. IamLoved's Avatar
    Thank you for posting that. So insightful. That needs to become a raw mantra.
  3. mattshor's Avatar
    I'm going to send lots of warm thoughts your way. I'm sorry that you had such an unpleasant time dealing with this lawyer. Treat yourself to something really special and good for you. You deserve good things.
  4. RawKnitster's Avatar
    That sad lawyer must be very busy these days. Your not alone. I reach for food for all the wrong reasons, too. I'm short money again this week and all I want to do is make a raw sugar pie. I pray for help making decisions on what I should do to get out of this mess. I'll include you and dh and animals in my prayers, too.

    Good for you making what may be a life altering decision. We need to keep ourselves in top notch shape to deal with what lies ahead. Who knows, that may even change the course of events ahead. :)
  5. Jenifae's Avatar
    Zaphirah Isn't it odd how our 1st thought is to go for something that will hurt us as if we are not hurting enough already? What's that all about, anyway? Yes, I need to Post this everywhere.

    Iamloved Yes, I need to create this as a Mantra so, it doesn't leave my brain when I need it most. I am a SAD FOOD ADDICT and one bite is TOO MANY!

    Mattshor I did treat myself and not with FOOD. I took a nice Long Bath! :)

    Knitster Yes, she is busy I'm sure. Her Bedside manor was a bit harsh. She is very young - probably the age of my youngest. I'm sure she has not experienced much life and for sure not the struggles of those she is supposed to be helping. She talked about how someone tried to get out of paying her something and she took them to court. Just her whole demeanor was she doesn't respect of like those "trying to get out of paying their creditors" persay. I told her if we had the money we would pay everyone. We are not here because, we dont' want to. We are here because, we are drowning and don't want to lose our home or animals. BTW, my Horses are considered "Livestock" and sellable. :EEK: So, it's all real scary to me. I'm praying every morning again. I realized some of my routines have taken a change and connecting with God First Thing is most important. I am also praying for the assistance I need to remember who I am .... A SAD FOOD ADDICT ..... and to not take that 1st bite. If I don't take that 1st bite I won't go on a Binge!
    Thank you :)
  6. rawchic's Avatar
    sorry you weren't able to get the advice you needed. Is there another person you can go talk to instead?

    you have overcome addiction before, so I know you have the knowledge and power to do it again. I can hear the determination in your voice! Can you use some of the same methods that have worked in the past and just apply them to food?

    I'm so happy you're deciding to move forward. When I started reading the beginning of your post, I thought for a split second that you were going to say you were giving up. My heart started to break! Then I kept reading and realized the opposite was true, thank goodness :)
  7. Jenifae's Avatar
    Hi Rawchic,

    Well, I think it was good. She may not be the right person but, there are others and DH had talked with another guy we are considering. It was a free consultation and she did validate things my Hubby found on the internet. So, not a waste.....and we know we want someone who understands and has compassion for our needs.

    Yes, the 12 steps of recovery work on anything and everything. That's where I got "One is Too Many and a Thousand is Never Enough" It's a cliche like "One DAy at a TIme".

    Right now, I'm trying not to put too many rules on myself. If I can stay 100% Raw and kick coffee again. I am doing good!

    Well, one thing about me is I DON"T GIVE UP! :) I just hope I dont' drive ya'll crazy with me in the process. ;)

    Thanks so much! :) You are such a great Rawbie friend!
  8. rawchic's Avatar
    Oh good, at least you got something out of it and it wasn't a total waste.

    Good for you for not putting to many rules on yourself! Ha ha, you'll never drive me crazy...more like I'd go crazy without you :)

    Hugs to you!
  9. Jenifae's Avatar
    You are the sweetest Rawchic...... :) Well, I think I too would go crazy and be lost without you and Knitster!

    (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) right back at ya :)


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