Stress causes gains
Not in good ways, though.
When I originally went raw I lost about ten pounds. In the past week or so, I gained it all back. For three basic reasons:
1. I'm very cold. VERY COLD....I mean even when my room is heated to eighty degrees!
2. I'm very tired, because I can't seem to fall asleep.
3. I'm very sad......because my mother has a new tumor, we think. Everyday in the past week it has been nothing but bingeing and bingeing and just drowning in cooked, awful food. I feel like, "What's the whole stupid point?! I hate my life and myself and what is the point of all this additional struggle with food?" So I just gave in.
But NO LONGER! Today I finally faced the mirror, which I had avoided because I was so guilty. I hardly recognized myself. I looked like a very bloated version of death. As I stood there looking my awfulness I had the usual inclination to never eat again. I felt just awful. Then I just decided to go back to raw veganism...because I don't want to have an eating disorder again. I want to be okay with being healthy and I want to be at peace with food and myself. Raw veganism was the closest I've ever gotten to finding that peace.
My goal is to lose the weight I've gained, plus lose the weight I still needed to lose back in the day when I first went raw.
Sigh....I wish I didn't have to battle so hard with myself. How do all of you deal with this feeling? Do you even have this feeling? Am I the only one?