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Stress causes gains

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2 Comments
by
Sygma
on 02-05-2009 at 02:29 PM (535 Views)
Not in good ways, though.

When I originally went raw I lost about ten pounds. In the past week or so, I gained it all back. For three basic reasons:

1. I'm very cold. VERY COLD....I mean even when my room is heated to eighty degrees!

2. I'm very tired, because I can't seem to fall asleep.

3. I'm very sad......because my mother has a new tumor, we think. Everyday in the past week it has been nothing but bingeing and bingeing and just drowning in cooked, awful food. I feel like, "What's the whole stupid point?! I hate my life and myself and what is the point of all this additional struggle with food?" So I just gave in.

But NO LONGER! Today I finally faced the mirror, which I had avoided because I was so guilty. I hardly recognized myself. I looked like a very bloated version of death. As I stood there looking my awfulness I had the usual inclination to never eat again. I felt just awful. Then I just decided to go back to raw veganism...because I don't want to have an eating disorder again. I want to be okay with being healthy and I want to be at peace with food and myself. Raw veganism was the closest I've ever gotten to finding that peace.

My goal is to lose the weight I've gained, plus lose the weight I still needed to lose back in the day when I first went raw.

Sigh....I wish I didn't have to battle so hard with myself. How do all of you deal with this feeling? Do you even have this feeling? Am I the only one?

Updated 02-05-2009 at 02:33 PM by Sygma

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Comments

  1. islesgirl's Avatar
    Sygma, you are definitely not alone. It certainly does seem so unfair to have this constant struggle with food, doesn't it. And I am so sorry about your Mum. That must be very hard for you. I know that my daughter worries about me and I so want to be a better example for her. She is only 27 and I am 62 but I am young at heart (I think). I too suffer so much. But although we say we hate ourselves and our lives, here we are writing about it and reaching out to others and in doing so are truly trying to help ourselves which means we aren't going to give up - we can do this. I KNOW for an absolute fact that I feel like a different person when eating only raw food. ((((Hugs))))
    Sue.
  2. rawchic's Avatar
    you're definitely in the right place - a lot of us can relate to that same struggle. We're all here together! I know personally it has helped me to realize that I'm not alone and that other people feel this way too.

    Sorry about your Mom. I'm sure that she wants you to be healthy. Rather than feeling guilty about where you are at, maybe try focusing on making healthy choices going forward in honor of your Mom. Maybe you can turn her sickness into motivation for taking the best care of yourself.


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