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This is my Nineveh!

Day Five - Hitting the Emotional Wall

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by
kitlynne
on 09-17-2008 at 09:34 AM (422 Views)
A year ago I was diagnosed with Celiacs Disease, an allergy to all things gluten (wheat, rye, barley...)

Yesterday, after work, I got a call from my new doctor who ran my blood work twice and passed the results on to an allergist.

I had been miss diagnosed.

I lived a year in terror, literally. It wasn't just what I ate, it was what my food was cooked on, prepared in, cooked next too, fried in......

A year of afraid of getting sick again like I had.





So I celebrated!! .. in a not good way...

Pancakes.. can I tell you what it was like to have something like that after not having it for over a year.. I probably shouldn't have teased myself.

Then today .... tuna melt on real bread. I haven't had real bread in over a year.

Funny, going raw now and being told I could have something I couldn't even though it isn't good for me after being told I couldn't because it would make me so sick for so long.... it was like impulse...

It's still an emotional wall to hit.

After all that... it's just.. strange.

So .. my stomach.. queasy a bit, likely from nerves after having eaten all that. (1 pancake and half a tuna melt... worse things I could of eaten still feeling guilty...)

I'm still afraid that I'm going to start puking my guts out and that I'm going to have water and blood coming out the other end with undigested food (I know.. TMI) but so far.. so good.

For breakfast today we're back on raw. Since we're able to have wheat in the house again, my boyfriend is more hesitant about going completely raw vegan, so I've agree to a compromise that I can live with right now for a little bit while the novelty wears off. (It might take a few days... this one was a shocker).

I've agreed to one cooked meal a week *as long* as I get to chose it and prepare it.

Not toooo horrible of a compromise.

At least this way I can keep the meal light and away from things that would normally make me not happy... I don't do red meat well... the occasional fish is okay... we're a sushi house hold anyway. =)

So with those thoughts, I'm going to split. I think I'm going to go have some frozen raspberries whipped up in the blender. ^_^

Happy "my weekend".
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Comments

  1. Emma-Liza's Avatar
    Many of the "experts" say, and I agree with this, that being happily at some percentage of raw is healthier mentally and perhaps, therefore, physically, than white-knuckling 100%. You could make a case for faking it till you make it, but I think with food, it's so personal and so emotional, that you won't make it if you aren't happy with your choices. If you find that it's too hard to zig-zag between the two (I did!), then you'll have that first-hand experience and can modify from there.
  2. Emma-Liza's Avatar
    Oh, I wanted to say, darn those doctors! How do you feel today?
  3. RawKnitster's Avatar
    I came across this quote recently. It makes sense to me. Don't know if it fits your situation but, for what it's worth...I'll share it with you. "If you think of each setback as a prized gift of wisdom - as one more mysterious clue that needs to be opened and explored to reach the next triumphant moment - your body and emotional resiliency won't be depleted as often. You'll be able to say to yourself, 'This setback is an important missing piece of information about what I now need to include in my vision for change. I'm very fortunate for this chance to learn something so valuable.'" from a magazine article in Ode (September 2008) entitled "Burn Bright, Don't Burn Out" by Leonard Felder


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