Life is a River sometimes
I know it seems like I have dropped out of this months raw challenge and off the wagon in general, as I have stopped blogging.
We have been dealing with a nightmare- a parents worst nightmare- the loss of a child. Not my child, but my best friend's. She recently gave birth after a long and tiresome labor to a big beautiful 10 lb boy. Unfortunately, he was born dead- no breathing, no heartbeat. They tranfered him to the big hospital (it was a birth center birth) and he was kept on life support for a week and sadly, had to be taken off, sent back home to Jesus. This has been very hard and I have been crying a lot for her. This friday is the funeral.
Whenever I am stressed, sad and upset, I eat. And I eat cooked greasy, sugary foods. The only thing I have managed to do is stay vegan- which is amazing, but it has been the last thing I have been able to hold on to. But oh the cooked foods. The stomachaches.
Due to all the cooked foods, my system has been rejecting it- giving me gas and bloating, and I have diarrhea daily. Every morning I start new with fresh juices and fasting, only to have difficult late afternoons and evenings when I am looking to feed my emotions. This is my struggle. I so desperately want to juice feast or smoothie feast and I start out the day doing so, but then 3 oclock hits and I am in an eating rage. I am eating without realizing it. I give the kids their snacks and meals and I end up putting it in my mouth- their left overs, and by then, its 'done' already... and so I eat more and more, only to go to bed with stomachaches and wake up with diarrhea over and over this has been my pattern.
I hope to be able to say goodbye, mourn, and to start a new chapter. Again.