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Is that my problem? Since I can never seem to comit to anything in my life, I constantly feel unorganized........physically and emotionally. I constantly feel in a state of confusion, never organized and always having a intense feeling of doom. I constantly have a fear of dying, or thoughts that I have some sort of fatal disease but don't want to go to the doctor to find out. It's twisted, trust me I wish I could clear my head of these thoughts.

I think I've had an anxiety disorder or perhaps a form of depression. I don't know, and I'm not trying to self diagnose.

But I do know that I seem to be running in circles for years now and it always seems to get worse.

So I've decided that I have too much bad energy in my house and around me. I need to clear this bad energy away.

I stopped on my way home from work and bought a white sage smudge stick. It's an extra large one, I have never seen one so big in my life. LOL But I have a lot of area to smudge so the bigger the better. I got home and informed my hubby that we would be doing a smudge ceremony around ourselves and the house and would he participate. He said he would. Yippee!

So now I've been online for hours reading up on how to smudge and also about Reiki symbols. I want to learn it all and heal myself, ourselves. My hubby often feels the same sense of doom as me, he said he constantly worryes DAILY of someting happening to him or of something happening to me. Seriously, we are sick people being dragged down by bad energy and the horrible effects of SAD.

I hope the smudging will be a success and with practicing Reiki......I can properly prepare myself for a successful Master Cleanse.

This has been an uplifting day for me today. I just really want all this struggling in my life to end. If I can start with a clear mind, I can move on with this lifestyle that I so badly want.