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i have been on a cooked food vacation, and needless to say it hasnt been awesome. anyway. i kept telling myself i would go back to raw, go back to raw...i have been starting to feel like a junkie with the cooked food, i cant get enough, i'll eat anything, and iv'e started to gain weight. but no, that wasnt enough reason for me to bite the bullet and say im done with cooked foods. i always try to tell myself, you can handle it, just eat "a little bit" of cooked foods. this rarely happens, unfortunately, and i end up having eaten the whole bag of baked lays (the healthy kind! )or an entire cheese submarine sandwich or 7 pieces of lasagna. but i had an epiphany last night that will not allow me to abuse myself anymore. i was lying in bed at about midnight when all of a sudden i started thinking of a very bad time in my life and couldnt get it out of my head. last august i had a very very awful break-up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years involving many infidelities and much heartache. i cried for probably 2 weeks straight. i had never felt so deeply, intensely sad in my entire life up to that point, and i never want to again. but last night, i was lying in bed, and i felt like i did on those nights when i would be lying in his empty apartment, knowing he was never coming back...a feeling that is too sad and lonely and devestating and painful to fully explain. i started crying, a lot, and couldnt figure out why this would be coming up all of a sudden. when i kind of snapped out of it and forced myself to think about it rationally, i realized that the reason i felt sad, and was reminded of those awful nights, was because i felt PHYSICALLY the same last night as i had then. groggy, overstuffed, fat, and miserable. why would i choose to feel that way? i am done with SAD. i just can't do it anymore. you truly are what you eat- do i choose to be heavy and dead... or light, fresh and alive?! suffice it to say...IM BACK!