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I'm back from my 2 week trip to the West Coast and feeling like I have some new challenges to face and a new perspective on life. It was a great trip - relaxing and stressful, but a learning experience for me.

The part that really woke me up was being back in San Francisco, which I haven't seen in 2 years. I lived there for a good 9 years (in the Bay Area, really) and I think I didn't realize how good I had it. My brother was in the city, I had wonderful friends, plenty of activity ...

I've been depressed all weekend and I'm not sure why. Actually, I've been depressed since for several weeks, since my birthday week (March 29). I think it's a combination of things - my work load has gone down because I'm going on vacation the first two weeks of May, getting anxious about the vacation (because it means dealing with family, who are great on the one hand and a huge emotional burden on the other). My eating has been out of control, of course. I've had a few days of eating raw and ...

It's my 39th birthday today and I wish I could say I'm feeling upbeat, but I'm not. I'm feeling down, anxious, scared, unsure . So many thoughts going on at once - like, "wow, next year is the big four-oh!" "How is my health really???" "What have I done with my life?" "Where am I going?" "How much time do I have left to make my life mean something?" and so on and so on.

One thing I'm determined to do is give myself a gift this year ...

Well, I took the first step, which was a big one for me, a few moments ago.

Since I was feeling so low, I decided to head off the cold by taking a hot bath. As I sat in the bath, I just couldn't stop thinking about my cupboard and my fridge and how filled they were of non-raw food. I planned on cleaning everything out tomorrow morning when I got home from shopping. But I got fired up in the bath and went ahead and went through everything in my cupboard and fridge. I tossed out most ...

Well, my plans for going raw today went out the window. I just wasn't feeling well, the weather is bone freezing outside and my overall mood is down. I knew this weekend would be really tough for me because it's my birthday weekend and I'm 39 on Sunday - with 40 right around the corner, which is a big milestone for me.

But I do plan on going raw tomorrow. I also didn't have a lot of fruit in the house and what I had wasn't fresh and couldn't go to the store today because of the damn ...