Emma-Liza's Journal

I had a little trouble last night with wanting to eat even though I wasn't hungry. I gave in, a little. A couple hours after a supper of 1/2 recipe of raw pea and spinach soup (I ate 1/2 lb of peas, people!) and some rawritos, I started snacking. I ate some raw banana bread and some cashews. I also ate a piece of non raw white chocolate. I thought about going up to the study and making some art, but I couldn't quite get myself to do it. And why, you might ask, did this occur?

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Just a wee update, since I'm not posting in the challenge this month....

I'm still feeling positive and strong and I'm eating pretty well. Christmas is NOT my happy time, so I'm trying to offset the grouchiness by doing things I love. I'm making a lot of my presents this year. Last year, I made pendants with venetian glass beads I got in Berlin.

I didn't have a trip this fall, but I did inherit some boxes of old photos from my paternal grandparents home. I already ...

I've been offline for 8 days! I don't think I've gone this long without checking in here since the beginning of July. I have been on a bit of an inner journey.

Thanksgiving was fine. Since these are Mr.Liza's family and we don't see them very often (they live out of town), they were really excited about my weight loss. They didn't ask a lot of questions, but just complimented me. I stuck to my plan of what I would eat--not all raw, but did well at the goals I set for myself. ...

It seems I am still processing the way I make choices. And it's critical for me to understand, because I am choosing not only what to eat, but thereby I'm choosing what I feel like, look like, and how at peace with myself I'll be.

I've been reading blogs and posts by people finding themselves in seemingly untenable situations and reacting by doing the best they could given the circumstances. However, how they feel afterward varies widely. Some of them are philosophical and move on ...

Something I've been thinking about lately is my binge process. I had two episodes last week that shook me up, mostly because I couldn't tell what was actually going on. I was eating a bunch of stuff, feeling numb, and not knowing where or how it would end. Because I wasn't feeling anything.

I am seeing that I eat to numb out the bad stuff, but when you numb out, you numb it all out. Then you have no bearings and you get "lost." At some point in any binge, even a very small ...