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was the day my daughter was born! feeling grateful ---
last night i went to the local hfs & bought a bunch of different vegan desserts because she's allergic to dairy! and for once i wanted her to be able to eat ANYTHING she wanted & i didnt want anyone to have to tell her no! and it was a blast - i decided to just have a taste, literally - and i was so proud of myself because i continued to abstain after that! so i've had 2 1/2 good days! not 100% raw just yet but i'd say probably ...

so - on 12/13/07 i weighed myself and i was at 151 - and i set my goal weight to be 140 - but after my miserable up & down foul cycle of january with terrible habits, i weighed in today at 145 - and i have recently changed my goal weight to 135. i had a really good day yesterday & i felt very determined to get myself back to a place where i am moving steady in a healthy direction.
lol - i am a food addict - i literally have to take it one day at a time & sometimes... its one ...

first of all - THANKYOU for your continued love & support -
ok this is serious - last night, i sat in my therapists office & cried about how much i dont want to be in this nasty cycle & how i know how amazing i feel when i am taking care of myself (RAW) and how miserable i feel in every area of my life when i am SAD - i talked and talked and talked and well - basically what it came down to - is really really sad -
you know how every family has one member that is just 'different' ...

i'm so frustrated - i've been throwing my hands up - and picking up and trying again - ITS A VICIOUS CYCLE!
i've been struggling since the holidays - and i'm just going up & down and back & forth - and i keep remembering how fabulous i felt when i went RAW - and how much freedom i had & how balanced & centered & focused & motivated -
but somehow someway with all of that on my mind - the voices keep telling me just one more time with cookies & ice cream ...

i've been gone for a month - yep - a whole month - and i miss you guys!!!