Anyone Else Insecure?

[Vandy]

I would really love to hear what you guys have to say about how you feel eating in front of other people. For some reason, it is SOO hard for me to eat in front of people other than my family. I have been 100% for 7 months now, and I have basically shunned social dinner gatherings (which I really don't mind b/c I LOVE to hoard my giant salads with fruit in front of the TV with my family who have adapted largly to the raw lifestyle); however, being in college and around new people, it's difficult to not only explain what I am doing, why I eat so much lettuce, but it's hard to act like the people staring at me eating my HUGE meals doesn't bother me! Especially since I have just met this amazing guy who acutally likes ME FOR ME! He is so interested in RAW, and I am holding back for some reason. He wants to make me a RAW MEAL!! And this excites me sooooooo much, but I am scared to eat in front of him. I eat so much! I am NOT embarrased of my life, it has become the most vital force and energy in my life. IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE, and I wish I could make people see HOW TRULY AMAZING IT IS! But fending off some of those looks can be hard. It can also be hard when someone says, "Hey, let's have lunch," when inside I'm thinking "I'd rather be eating alone in my room" or "Oh dear, what will they think."

I'd love support or even some encouraging words. Has anyone else felt this way? I am slowly breaking out of my shell though. I am getting better about it. I just need to stay positive and break through and be SO PROUD of this amazing gift God has given me.

[JennaBoBenna]

Oh, it's so hard for me to eat raw in front of my family :( I was just over there last night and I ended up crying in the car when my boyfriend and I left. They are so unsupportive and closed-minded about it. I'm really struggling with raw, and they just don't seem to help at all. When I called my mother last night she asked if I was going to have some pasta with dinner and I said no, and she said "oh...aw..." and sounded so sad about it! Then when I was over there she offered me an artichoke and I politely said no thanks and she said "why, because it was cooked ?" in such a mocking tone :( I always feel like my family is pressuring my boyfriend and I to do stuff and eat stuff we don't want to do or eat. My brother is always telling my bf to "drink some vodka" and my dad was telling my bf to eat some of the ribs he made. My family is always mocking me and telling me that they don't agree with my diet. I've been vegan for almost a year now, you'd think that they'd chill out about that! It seems that whenever I'm with my family we end up arguing about food. Lately I've been keeping my mouth shut and not starting up any food conversations, it's always my brother that starts it! And then my family just makes me feel so bad :(

There are only a couple people close to me that are supportive. I'm pretty insecure when I talk about raw to people now because they make me feel like a freak because I'm not eating pasta or bread or ribs or drinking coffee and alcohol. I know raw is fantastic and healthy, but when I mention it to people they make me feel like I'm sooo wrong when I'm not! :( *sigh*
sorry for the long rant, it just upsets me so much

[Raw Jewelrylady]

This is so sad that families have to worry about what we eat when there are so many REAL problems in life to deal with...example...would they rather you be a "for example" "drug addict...alcoholic...dying of cancer...clepto...etc." I write these things as I have expereinced all of these problems in my family...& that is real PROBLEMS.

***Please, I mean no disrespect for those stuggling w/these problems...***

My suggestion...SEE if they will watch Aliss'a DVD w/you sometime. Just a thought. :)


Lana

[PATH301]

hey vandy and smellydelly,


Family can be interesting. But your family they should love you regardless.
In my family, my father is fat and my mother is fat, one sister is about 30lbs overweight and the other one is a sad body builder. But I used to be fat-fat. Now I'm skinny, and I am eating raw now. I tell them how it is. At first they use to tell me ohhh my you need to gain your weight back you don'y look right or it can't be healthy. I would respond to that with - pleasssee your seriously over weight don't even go there. Then I would show them many articles backing up how bad sad eating is. Now they're cool with me anytime we hook up for lunch or dinner we just find a place that's mutual for both of us to eat at.

If your eating salads in the dining hall, and people are gawking at you, "who cares", what's important is that you know that it's good for you :)

If you need to carry around some information to hand out to family and friends do it - they might learn a thing or two :)

Vandy,
If I had a girlfriend and she wanted to fix me a raw dinner, I 'd say girl go for it :D
listen the guy likes you, and he's interested in what your doing for your health and he wants to know more about it, you got it made. Eating in front of him is the least of your worries. Let him see you get it all over your face, then he can help you get it off :D
Always remember it's not what other people think about you~it's what you think about you that's important!!!!!

[CAdreamer]

If it is your 'awesomely raw' huge salads they're looking at...let 'em look ! Just don't let them drool to close to your salad.

I'm less put off by 'what' people are eating than 'how' tey eat. Bad manners are such a turn off to me that I can hardly stand to have a meal with someone who has the manners of a 2 year old....no mmatter 'what' they are eating.

Use impeccable manners (I don't mean 'etiquette-by-the-book')look like you're thoroughly enjoying your meal, sit at your meal with confidence, flash a big smile at your admirers, and don't be intimidated by anyone.

You're the winner !!!

[misslinda]

Are you uncomfortable b/c "how you eat" like do you eat fast or some quirky haibts? or what they may or may not be thinking (ideas) about your raw food lifestyle?

That's even more assuring, if this guy is into raw as well, let it be a way to gain more confidence in eating---who better to practice on that another raw foodist! :) :)

Personally, I cannot eat around my mother or others except my sis who accepts my "weird" raw food lifestyle.....combination of eating issues and having to be watched. I'm the same, I like to eat in privacy and be in control which I'm slowly going to learn to do after the fast ends.

:)

[leeleelocs]

I have to bring extra food because everyone at work wants to try my food. So far they have like everyting except the kale chips. Just be your self and proud and they will come around. Everyone is so amazed at how much weight I have lost so fast but they don't want to give up their bad eating and drinking habits to get health and feel better. My family surfer fro high blood pressure, strokes, heart palpations, high cholestrol, bad circulation, type 2 diabetes, cancer, obese. and they think I am radical. but they have the life style dis-eases. Do your thing and be proud and happy but don't hide, they want learn from your example so they can be blessed also. be a light shinning in the darkness.

[jaurequi]

Hi, Vandy, it sounds like you have all the right answers, but feel apprehension about letting others in. Do you think this is perhaps because you feel you may "fail" with raw in the future? Do you feel you're not on 100%-solid ground with it and don't want to have to face all the people you've told if you don't make it? And that maybe it's better you not tell them rather than go through that? If so, you can take more time to get sure about your choice; or you can decide that this is for life and making this jump will be another step to solidify it and help you keep your committment. This limbo is just creating stress which isn't good for you. You mustn't let others dictate your behavior and personal choices.

I would say, if you have a man interested in "you for you," then you are indeed very lucky. This is a person with whom you can be confident and honest and I would accept that and go with it. It may also help you gain more confidence in your choices and with others in your life.

Best,

[sport]

I certianly do not have this problem but then I have always been a bit of an exhibishionist. I love talking about it and the more stubborn and obnoxious people get, the more I like to talk.
I think that if someone had even mentioned a raw food diet to me 10 years ago I would be much further ahead now so I think that I should try and get the word out there every opportunity I get and that is what I do.
My mission in life is to boldly go where no woman has gone before and bring raw food to the Irish. I will not be able to do that by being quiet about it.
P.S. My husband wants to make and market Green Smoothies because he believes in them so much but I just keep telling him to get sense. This is the EU and everything has to be pasteurised.

[Revvell]

I always assume when folk see how I eat that they are envious. I go to a lot of networking luncheons and occasionally dinners and the organizers know what I will and wont eat and they request especially for me. One time I received a HUGE fruit plate, PLUS a HUGE veggie plate plus a regular dinner salad. I offered to share the veggie plate. Did I eat it all? No! Next time, they just gave the the fruit. Yummy!

Yanno something? A lot times, it's not all about you. It's about them. They may be envious yet, often times it's because they are making themselves feel bad about what others (you) do. It's not your responsibility. Your responsibility is in making you happy.

For me, I don't go where I am not totally supported in my health and well-being. Yeah, yeah, I can hear the excuses about family and such yet, I will re-iterate. I will NOT go where I am not totally supported in my health and well-being. End of story.

Revvell

[Light of an Angel]

Who cares what they think! Just be happy with what you think! Give yourself a persmission to eat alone when you feel like it..and celebrate your salad with others when you are up for it! Positive reinforcement works best. Just be excited about your raw food and let others try some of your favourite dishes. It sounds like you don't want any conflicts but the truth is you can't satisfy everyone. Having to defend yourself and get into arguments or whatever sucks but again if you are happy about your choices it shows..you chose raw food diet for yourself not to make others happy. Be polite but firm.

Good luck :)

Dominique

[wolfieandbetty]

We humans are tribal beings. Alot of our time and effort goes into figuring out who's in our tribe and who's out. The people who are in are the ones who look and act like we do. It's one of those evolutionary things that has helped us protect ourselves. HUGE amounts of energy go into coercing other people to get with the program and act like the rest of the tribe.

It's really hard with the family tribe because we feel obliged to continue our relationships with them and they are SO resistant to any kind of growth one has experienced. The whole family dynamic feels threatend when members don't play the role they've always played.

So - if you just want to have peace when you're around them, just find a reason not to eat when you're together. Eat before you see them and tell them you're not hungry. When you're ready emotionally and mentally you will do whatever you want when you're with them and it won't make any difference to you because you will stand firm knowing who you are.

Do whatever makes YOU happy. It is a wonderful gift to give to yourself.

Catherine

[Forever Young]

Amen, Revvell

[Vandy]

Everyone is so amazingly supportive thank you... maybe it is my eating habits rather than WHAT I eat...but I can't help it if I like to take huge bites of salad or take a big bite out of a mango and the juice runs down my chin! What fun would raw food be if I couln't enjoy it! I figure the only way to overcome my insecurity is to tell him that I am insecure and maybe warn him that I eat an abnormal amount of raw food! The fact that he is so supportive and is eager to learn more and eat more raw is even more exciting...but he knows I won't TOUCH anything that isn't raw. I am definitely NOT worried about sacrificing my raw lifestyle to please others... HECK NOOOO, but I am worried that I will shut myself off from the people who have meant so much to me in life, just because they don't understand and don't want to (when I try so hard to get them into it or at least know what it is. (Smelly delly I think that is where u and I relate... but your family will come around no worries). But I guess that is why it is so wonderful to have a support team like this to gain confidence from and you become more powerful and influencial as an individual. It's not like the girls in my hall don't already complain that they need to eat healthier or come by and ask to steal one out of my hundreds of bananas sitting around my dorm room haha (I will post pics soon of my "raw dorm room") I will let everyone know how my Valentines with him goes. Thanks everyone for being so INCREDIBLY AMAZING.

GOD BLESS

[Raw Jewelrylady]

Vandy, If you are worried about the mango juice down the chin...just slice & eat w/fork & knife...I think you'll be just fine..Seems like you have a great attitude... :cool:
Lana

Ps. Who cares what others think...sounds like this guy may be a keeper... :)

PSS... When others see great health & the Raw "glow" ...you will have to fight them off to find out " what are YOU doing"..... :) You will be the most influentual one in the dorm...my prediction.... :p

[rawpriestess]

I can remember when I was in Junior High school, guys would ask me out, and I was about 15 pounds over weight, by the standards of the time, now I'd be considered thin. LOL

and I was so afraid to eat in front of my dates, and my friends, I would always just take my food home in a doggy bag, and tell my date I wasn't very hungry.

Can you imagine how my date felt? he probably thought I didn't like him or the food.

and actually it was just about ME. not him.

Each person thinks of them selves, each person is self conscious, it takes alot to get over these feelings,

I can remember, going to gym class, where we had to get undressed infront of each other, I was mortified, now I could walk around naked all day at home, but in front of my peers? Well, my mom said something to me that I will always remember, all of those other people are too busy worrying about what I was thinking about them to worry about what I looked like.

And she was right.

that is how people view your food, they are too worried that you will notice that they ate two rolls at dinner, or had a pop, and an ice cream, or that they ate a really big bite of food, and it's too big to swallow, or they spilled down their shirt, or they slopped food onto the table, or they dropped their fork, or they didn't eat any of their veggies, and all of their pasta, etc. etc.

I have this weird thing I do with food. I don't eat one bite of each thing, I eat one thing until it's gone then I go to another, but I make straight lines in my food and scrape the plate as I eat.

So, if you were to look at my plate at any given time, it would like kind of like a pie, with a piece cut out of it, the piece missing gets bigger and bigger as I keep eating.

And I always leave one bite of food on my plate, but ONLY one.

How weird is that?

I eat fruit this way too, like you cut off a piece, in a straight line, I don't know why I do this, I don't care, but many people have commented on it.

do, I get all nervous, nope, I just smile and say, "don't you wish you could be this precise?" and they usually laugh and say, "Yep"

So, don't worry, you will learn to no be so shy in front of people, that may happen tomorrow, or it may happen in your next life, it doesn't really matter, it will happen.

And then you can write on this board and tell us all about that new adventure.

[Vandy]

Thanks rawpreistess... it's me not him, I need to remember that, and if I act like nothing bothers me and everything is normal, chances are, he will have no idea... thanks for the support!



I can remember when I was in Junior High school, guys would ask me out, and I was about 15 pounds over weight, by the standards of the time, now I'd be considered thin. LOL

and I was so afraid to eat in front of my dates, and my friends, I would always just take my food home in a doggy bag, and tell my date I wasn't very hungry.

Can you imagine how my date felt? he probably thought I didn't like him or the food.

and actually it was just about ME. not him.

Each person thinks of them selves, each person is self conscious, it takes alot to get over these feelings,

I can remember, going to gym class, where we had to get undressed infront of each other, I was mortified, now I could walk around naked all day at home, but in front of my peers? Well, my mom said something to me that I will always remember, all of those other people are too busy worrying about what I was thinking about them to worry about what I looked like.

And she was right.

that is how people view your food, they are too worried that you will notice that they ate two rolls at dinner, or had a pop, and an ice cream, or that they ate a really big bite of food, and it's too big to swallow, or they spilled down their shirt, or they slopped food onto the table, or they dropped their fork, or they didn't eat any of their veggies, and all of their pasta, etc. etc.

I have this weird thing I do with food. I don't eat one bite of each thing, I eat one thing until it's gone then I go to another, but I make straight lines in my food and scrape the plate as I eat.

So, if you were to look at my plate at any given time, it would like kind of like a pie, with a piece cut out of it, the piece missing gets bigger and bigger as I keep eating.

And I always leave one bite of food on my plate, but ONLY one.

How weird is that?

I eat fruit this way too, like you cut off a piece, in a straight line, I don't know why I do this, I don't care, but many people have commented on it.

do, I get all nervous, nope, I just smile and say, "don't you wish you could be this precise?" and they usually laugh and say, "Yep"

So, don't worry, you will learn to no be so shy in front of people, that may happen tomorrow, or it may happen in your next life, it doesn't really matter, it will happen.

And then you can write on this board and tell us all about that new adventure.

[pamojamo]

I'm too old to care what people think?

[pamojamo]

Oops, that should have been an ! rather than a ? at the end of my post!!

[monkeyboy]

Hi Everyone,

Blah, Blah, Blah...............

Insecure is weak. Get it done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace,

M.B.

[*SunChild*]

It's a self confidence thing, wondering what people might be thinking can really be tough. I've been there, I know.
These days I am a lot different.
It's all MIND...and NOT the other people...

If people think your food is weird, that's great, it should be weird to them, if they think your food is normal, then you shouldn't be eating it, it doesn't mean that they have something against YOU personally. You'll eventually see the humor in it, you have to or you'll go nuts!

Some people will mock you, it's a subconsious thing, people fear, and mock what they don't understand, perhaps they are envious of the way you eat, without truly knowing it themselves?

I love to show off my food, I love it all the weird looks, and I know most people still like me for me...this attitude is only recent, because what I know inside me is all that matters. And it's easier said than done, I know, but once you say, 'the heck with it, I'm Raw, and I want the whole world to know'...then you can free yourself.

Keeping yourself bound up by peoples looks, words and thoughts is unecessary, and you're trapping yourself with illusions. It's only you that makes yourself feel bad, no one else. Free yourself.

[juliebove]

I don't worry about what people think. In fact some of the same people who made kind of snide comments about my large salads and such have later come to me in private and asked about my diet. I've always been a bit different in terms of diet. When I was a kid I loved raw veggies. We always had a garden and it was a thrill for me to decide what I was going to plant each year. I hated the food most kids liked, such as burgers, fries, hot dogs, pizza, chips and ice cream.

People don't believe me when I say that veggies are my favorite food, but it's true. At family gatherings, we always had a lazy susan in the middle of the table with assorted raw veggies on it. Come dessert time, my mom would refill it and I'd move it right in front of me, eating from it and ignoring the desserts. And I was once banned for a week from making the family salads because I ate an entire head of lettuce as I made a tossed salad. I started out putting one leaf in the bowl and one leaf from me and soon I found there was no more to put in me but what was in the bowl. My mom made me walk up to the store for more lettuce. She also got annoyed with me for being a little too creative with the salads. For a time I was really into making composed salads, using various fruits and vegetables to create flower arrangements, rocket ships, and other things. I thought they were lovely, but they preferred something a little more simple.

I think a great deal of the appeal of food is how it is presented. I've gotten salads from a salad bar and had people come up to me and compliment me on how the salad looks.

When I am invited to a party where there is to be food, I always bring my own. If the hostess is really picky about things, I might bring something just for me but most of the time they have no problem with my bringing a dish for people to share. I was once invited to a large party at a neighbor's house and I made two large platters of raw veggies and olives to take. But the woman who was having the party had to leave town so suddenly that she totally forgot that she had invited people over. There I was standing with two platters of food and my daughter and feeling annoyed. The neighbor who lived behind her house walked by me with her kids. They were on their way to have dinner at yet another neighbor's house and she told me what had happened. She said they weren't planning anything fancy but we were welcome to join them and bring our veggies. Both of the moms were shocked that almost all of the veggies were eaten by their kids. But really, I think it was the way in which they were presented. I simply started with two plain, large platters and used the vegetables themselves to fashion little compartments to hold olives and some of the smaller things. Raddichio can easily be formed into little cups, and endive can be used to make all sorts of cute patterns. I arranged the cut up or sometimes whole vegetables in an artsy manner on the platters. After that, my friend often invited my daughter and I to lunch and we brought the veggies.

I think sometimes those people who might poke fun or make comments about what we are eating are doing it because they know we are doing the right thing and they wish they could be doing it too. But too many times, people take the easy or the quick way out, eating whatever quick food they can get their hands on. So many times I hear people making excuses for the bad food choices they are making.

I also believe that there is no one diet that will work for everyone. I do what I know is right for me and if others don't like it, then that's their problem. They are not the ones living in my body.

[Vandy]

thank you everyone for the support...the consensus is in...we had dinner tonight and it was wonderful...he was soooo supportive, and he even had a HUGE salad with me...he couldn't finish it but he tried...he laughed that I could eat so much, but he was really interested in raw and kept asking questions... it was a really fun night... although I am still a little intimidated, I don't think I could have gone in there as strong as I did with the attitude I had without everyone's help. Thank you so much.

[*SunChild*]

That's great to hear Vandy. Everything will be alright, it's no big deal. And also, you're so lucky you've got someone supportive, you will get more comfortable with it in time. Just keep smiling, because you're always doing what is good for you and the whole world.

Blessings ~

[NFrawRUNNER]

I have the same issues as you and too have been raw since last summer....I EAT A TON! Eating at my mom's over the holidays was nervewracking but I did it and no one said a word because I forewarned my mother. I felt a little awkward fixing my meal in the kitchen and bringing it with me (hiding out like an addict ;) ) but I did it...I enjoy my meals much the same as you at home in my comfort zone!!!! I was recently hospitalized for 5 days (after unfortunately breaking my hip....another story) and requested "raw food" for the duration of my stay (my first "public" acknowledgement) which THEY ACTUALLY HONORED....since then I have "come out of the closet" but still will not eat in the teacher's room at school because I can't stand someone asking me about my food with wierd looks on their faces....+ sometimes I just grab like a dozen apples to eat throughout the school day and maybe have 4 for lunch....I can just hear the comments now....especially since my "accident" due to a few rumors that I broke my hip because of the way I eat/ I'm too skinny/ etc....I don't know if this answers any of your questions but at least you can rest assured others feel the same way....I am getting better about "defending myself" but I think I will always feel most comfortable eating at home...Thanks for sharing your feelings!

[Vandy]

Diantha~ I really do understand... it was sooo hard for me during the holidays to bring my own huge salad with fruit to my grandmother's thanksgiving dinner!! But I got through it, some family members thought it was awesome and were supportive, and some were sarcastic and rude. Oh boy do I understand. And about you leg...the same thing happened to me. Stupid doctors about a year ago told me I had hypoglycemia and told me to stop eating ALL sugar, which I did and got sooo sick I eventually had to be hospitalized. I lost A LOT of weight. Then I started the raw foods diet by chance, faith, and hope, and miraculously got better; however, people started blaming all my problems on raw food (and my weight loss) and it hasn't been until a few months ago that they acknowledge the changes it has made in my life. I shared my insecurity with my guy friend (which is so great that I can tlk to him), and he said "People fear what they do not know; it is hard to accept the fact that you are deliberately hurting yourself. People don't want to believe it and they are not ready to accept it; therefore, they put YOU down b/c it makes them feel better, and it makes them the authority." Hang in there, and PM me if u want to talk more about this. Have a great day!