Straddling the fence (and GAINING weight)

[Purl]

Okay. Going raw is tough. I don't know what my problem is-I just can't seem to stay raw for 1 or 2 days. Yesterday I ate tortilla chips with melted cheese. Talk about GROSS! I can do good for the morning, okay for the afternoon, struggling thru dinner, get ready for bed-then FLOP! I eat something I shouldn't. I just started Victoria's 12 step book-but I am actually GAINING weight. I started at 168, went down to 162, and now I am back up to 165. I feel bloated and icky. I never snack on fruit or raw veggies-well not without almond butter or tahini, etc. I just feel "trapped" and like I just can't get over this little bump in the road, like it's a huge mountain, KWIM?

Anyone BTDT and have some advice? I just feel "stuck" between KNOWING what's right and DOING what the flesh craves....

(FWIW-I will give myself credit for have improving my/our eating habits-I just need a little push in the right direction. Perhaps I need some kind of new motivation? I dunno. I've been struggling with this for a week or 2.....)

[karenisraw]

Purl,

I am just here to offer encouragement for your new raw life style. I have slipped a few times, a couple because I forgot my morning coconut oil, and I got hungry and cravings, and once because I just felt like it and had oriental stirfry vegetables. I totally had painful constipation and the blahs so I know it is not worth it. I guess just over time I will get the clue not to.

I just wanted to let you know that just because you slipped on your raw goals does not mean you have failed at it. It is a journey and you will grow into more and more healthy eating when you are ready.

My raw vegan doctor said if you slip up not to beat yourself up because of it.

My tip is to eat 1-2 tablespoons raw virgin organic coconut oil daily in the morning. It eliminates (for me anyway) all cravings for meat and junk foods.

Hope that helps.


Good Luck ;)

[Raw Jewelrylady]

Purl, This is a "Marathon" not a Sprint. I started Raw last Spring-went 9 days, 100 % felt great-then some personal things happened...& Bammo-back to the chips & cheese. etc. Point is, don't beat yourself up, but start over w/each meal, not each day. :)
I stopped trying to do Raw, but still incorporated a few recipes until January of this year. I got away from the Forum. That was a HUGE mistake.

We are so blessed to have this place to share & learn from others. I made a committment, first part of January & then stumbled for a while...but finally I feel I am on track. Oh, I know that something will happen & I will eat something not-raw-but maybe it won't happen. I have just decided to live, give myself some "freedom" & most importantly...I eat WHATEVER I want- as long as it is Raw. I don't count any calories/fat/etc. I no longer want the huge meals. My body seems to tell me when to stop eating...something new to me. I've lost 12 pounds.

I'm hardly an expert, just someone trying to succeed, but for me, Raw has changed my life.
I've been spending a lot of times on the board & another thing I have learned is that if you keep yourself full of Raw/living foods, your body won't crave SAD foods.

Also, if you do well all day, but have a sad dinner, well, you are doing better than most of the population. I cannot do that, as I suffer severe chronic pain from Fibromyalgia when I eat Sad.

Sorry if this sounds rambling, but my point is you have to learn to forgive yourself, start over. I read Victoria's book recently & it really put things in perspective for me & changed my thinking. I hope this helps. read my journal, you may be suprised to find out you are not alone. It's when we get honest & real that we can succeed. BTW...I have now been 100% (not one bite)
for either 7 or 8 days now... I'll have to check....Good luck... :p
Lana

PS. maybe you are weighing yourself too often. I HATE scales!!! :D

[misslinda]

Purl, I'm sorry you are feeling frustrated with yourself. Here is my struggle with raw.

I discovered the raw diet Oct 2004. Before that I was already 90% raw naturally and a long distance runner. It wasn't until my necdk and back inujuries that I started to cave into SAD plus the inability to workout made it even worse.

When I approached RAW in Oct 2004, it was an all or nothing mindset--I wanted to start by doing the MC. Failed and then juiced.......gave into SAD. Went back to raw etc. If I had to do it all over again, I would go into raw by adding foods rather than approach like i'm shopping at NOrdstroms half yearly sale all wild and crazy!!! Thru this, I had developed other conditions and made my fight for raw even more passionate. I wanted to lose all the weight starting running again and be happy. It's like I was on hold on being happy and effective until I did RAW all the way.

I soon realized thru much heart ache, weight gain, weight loss , emotions flying that all this WAS part of my raw journey and journeying into what raw means to me and how I adopt RAW in my life. I had to ask myself questions.....

Why do I want to be 100% raw?

Why do I feel like I keep giving into setbacks?

Why do I view my slips as bad?

and of course tons of other questions.

I got frustrated during the course of struggling thru raw watching other people "succeed" in their time. At the same time, it inspired me but I wanted to be there............again every moment of my struggle is part of my whole..........cuz it's now Jan 2006 and I'm doing a 30+ day juice/water fast. Lost tons of weight. Cleansing and repairing.

I know you see the tortillla chips and cheese as bad but that is your story and no one else will be able to tell that story b/c you will look back and say you got thru it and someone else will be like "How did she do it....I wish I could do that too." If you were that off track, you would not even be on the boards admitting to all this. Your way further than you think.

btw, I know the scale thing is evil. I weigh myself 4-5 times a day --the other day I didn't as I want to let it go but FEAR sets in. Perhaps we can start a thread on NO SCALE challenge? :)

[Raw Jewelrylady]

Misslinda, I hear ya on the "NO- Scale" challenge.... :p
Lana

[misslinda]

Lanasq, I just got out of a soak--meditating and remembered part of my dream. You and I were in college together!

YES! you wanna start the scale thread and I'll jump in????

it'll be like a suport group--gab abouthow we feel with the scale.

:) Purl you there--how are you?

[kitchenfairy]

I've been experiencing the same. At 80-90% raw or so when I am with out raw I give in. I feel like s&%# immediately. Not just mentally but I physically feel that yucky food in my body. This has started since going more raw.
Because I would chow on some sad like chips etc I actually gained weight the first few weeks. In the end I do know that atleast I am eating way more good things than I used to.

I'm very close to going 100%. My problem is lifestyle. This wknd is Providence RI city wknd..dinners out etc. Two weeks from now is 5 day snowmobile trip. Yeah packing an apple to eat on the trail when others are having warm lunch.
I'll definately pack the apples and such but it will be hard. Then you add the meat & potato hubby and and children stuff. Funny though, my 5 year old is a chosen vegetarian. I can't believe I actually fought with him to eat chx nuggets.

Anyway, I don't have a magic answer just letting you know your not alone.

I don appreciate this board. Many people are very generous with their knowledge and I feel bad that I don't contribute as much back. Hopefully as I progress I can then give back with wonderful recipes etc.
I spend alot of time on Search for various topics. This board is like the encyclopedial of raw.

Best wishes to you.

[Raw Jewelrylady]

Lanasq, I just got out of a soak--meditating and remembered part of my dream. You and I were in college together!

YES! you wanna start the scale thread and I'll jump in????

it'll be like a suport group--gab abouthow we feel with the scale.

:) Purl you there--how are you?

Wow...me back in college...You channelled into one "wild-party" my friend. During my days, we had "toga" parties, & other things which I'll keep to myself. :D :D :D

I am going on day 9 of my 30 day challenge...& I am not sure I can go w/out the scale until the 30 days are up. I want to be able to list all the changes, including pounds lost, so others will see that this plan works....I would love to be able to but my scale in the basement & then only weigh monthly...not sure I could do it though...just being honest..

I think how we feel about the scale thread idea is great as we are all too obsessed. :) great idea...Lana your new college buddy....LOL :)
"funny how this board starts to invade your dreams..."

[Kitty]

I can really relate to this. I eat raw all day long then when night comes, which is also when I start working on the computer, I give into SAD desires. I tell myself things like, well I will start tomorrow so lets have something that you know you are going to miss. And usually its something gross. Then I do it all over again the next day. Never ending!! I don't know what to do either but I am thinking one of these days I am just going to stop, hopefully? I wish you all the luck, I want to be there to.

[Purl]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and for sharing your stories. I have been feeling very very tired for the last few days and I think trying to feed my whole family raw is EXHAUSTING me. It seems like the dc NEVER stop eating-they are never satisfied. I work at making a SCRUPTIOUS raw dinner and they complain. They didn't even like the RAWVIOLI!!!! They are doing better than I would have guessed, but I am so tired of feeding all 4 of them 24/7. Also, dh has been on nights for 3 weeks and I am plumb tuckered out from parenting all alone. He comes home 10 minutes before they go to school in the morning and wakes up a half hour after they go to bed. I feel like I am trying to carry the weight of our little world with one hand and prepare yummy, raw, gluten free foods with the other. I'm sorry for this long whiney post, but I think the truth is I can't stay raw for very long, not because I CAN'T, but because, sometimes in the beginning it takes a lot of brain power-and sometimes I don't have any more to give, so I give in to what I already know to eat, prepare etc. ..ugggh! How complainy!!! I'm just trying to be honest. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to figure out what they can eat, and then trying to talk them into it. It's more than just changing their diet-for the past month and a half we have been managing their autism thru foods-so I can't just give in one day or I have FIVE days of violence and meltdowns. I just want to BE THERE already, KWIM? I just wasnt to BE raw and have happy healthy raw children. Right now, they are in better health, but far from happy...but i will start another thread on that.

I will say that we have eaten more raw foods in the last few weeks than we probably ate in months and months. They are been at least taking 1 bite of every meal. One of my boys eats 3-6 bananas each day, plus 1 apple, 1-2 dried apricots and 1-2 dates and usu an avocado-and that's just his in-between-meals snacks!!! My 5 year old is practically a fruitatarian, and my 3rd boy has been willing to at least take a bite of something new, and his usu response it "Mom I don't really like this, but I will eat a little bit of it anyway." Which is a HUGE change from a month ago.

Uggh. Sorry to go on and on-I just feel very worn out by this whole new way of thinking, shopping and preparing food. I just feel so much pressure to "convince" the dc that this is the way to go. I NEED them to be raw/gluten-free. I cannot live the way it was before with the violence and sadness and anger. I guess the word is overwhelmed....oh yeah-and did I mentioned that I'm tired? LOL!

[pdx kris]

what inspiring responses from everyone, especially misslinda. i really enjoy reading how encouraging and up beat your posts always are, ml. :)

here's a little trick that works with me for a whole lot of things (food, shopping, cocktail, whatever). i find it especially valuable at starbucks when i go have my herbal tea in the morning and they are out of the fruit salad i usually get, i'm hungry, and i start eyeing the maple bars. IT WILL ALL BE THERE TOMORROW. if i want a maple bar, it will still be there tomorrow and i can have one then. shoes, clothes, whatever. with sad food it's especially good because by tomorrow, i don't want it anymore.

hope that's a helpful tool for you! :)

[JMD]

Purl,

I send you a big hug...You are trying so very hard...Take one little moment and give yourself some LOVE...As someone mentioned it is a journey not a sprint....Look how far you have come versus how far to go.

I too read VB's book on the 12 steps to raw which is FABULOUS! Hoever, I struggles with dates and can eat 3 -4 bags of them!! so I too could gain weight if I just ate whatever my body was craving...so I have to measure out what I do.

I have been raw and gained about 4 lbs too...but i think it is seriously th ebody and mind holding on to OLD junk and this is the transition part...It take s a while for a true surrender.

I wish I had more encouraging earth-shattering things to say--but know you are not alone and this too shall pass. Surround yourself with good foods that are quick and easy like fruits and stay in the day.

Blessings,
JMD

PS I AM TOTALLLLLLLLLY in for the dumping the scale challenge!!! :):):)

[IamLoved]

Purl,

I am going to PM you.

[leeleelocs]

every time I have a craving-- I go and make a green smoothie for sweet craving/walnut date torte/raw fudge or just plain dates. for salty craving I eat kale chips. Try to find a raw substitute for what you are craving. Be sure you are hydrated enough, sometime when you are craving food your body really wants water. Good luck! start each day new, make it your goal to eat raw one day at a time.

[wolfieandbetty]

Ok, I'm going to throw something out that may seem out there to some of you. It did to me once too.

Most of why we do what we do is because of the way it makes us FEEL. If the most pleasurable part of your day is food (as it often was for me) then it is VERY difficult to maintain behaviour for any length of time that denies you pleasure. I have my own business next to a bakery. I can smell artichoke garlic bread, croissants, and pies baking all day long. As good as raw food is -let me tell you, there is nothing like a fresh baked chocolate croissant!

Anyway, I could tell myself til I was blue in the face that I shouldn't eat that croissant and felt guilty as hell after I ate it but I couldn't figure out WHY I couldn't stop. One day after I ate it I really turned inward to figure it out and I got it! It made me feel so GOOD for just that moment. I work alot and work alone and often feel so stressed that I needed a respite and some pleasure. I realized that I was actually addicted to food that was my source of pleasure.

In addition to the food addiction I acknowledged some feeling/behaviour addictions. Having had a tumultous childhood/adolecense/early adulthood I recognized that I had an addiction to feelings of chaos and unsettlement. It was not a pleasurable feeling but a feeling I am familiar with and comfortable with. When things were calm I created ways to feel chaotic like chronic lateness and procrastination. I also identified my relationship with food as a way that kept me feeling anxious and chaotic - the battle in my head NOT to eat bad food, then eating it, then the anxiety and chaos that comes with guilt and knowing one did the wrong thing.

So once I really GOT that I have this addiction to food and chaos, I found the only way I could think of to break that cycle. That was to give up the food that I'm addicted to. It has freed me from the chaotic, anxious feelings associated with it. I'm still working on these issues because they manifest in other ways in my life but on the food front I feel I've really found freedom. I had to find other ways to fill the "pleasure void" in my day.

Sorry for such a long post but hope it helps. Spend some time looking at where the feelings you have around food manifest themselves in other areas in your life and you may see a pattern. I think if you have addiction issues you really have to heed the "one day at a time" sensibility and know that it may take some time to get healthy.

Catherine