What are your unusual kid rearing tips. . . [Archive]

eachpeachpearplum

02-04-2006, 05:49 PM

So often people are just part of the herd following what everyone else does with a fear of saying how they do it differently!

I thought it would be useful for us parents to share "off the grid" kid rearing tips.

Mine are:

1. My kids only get a bath once a week. If they are dirty sure they get more. Whenever I mention this people look at me as if I am from the dark ages. Someone even had the nerve to say that it must be beacuse I am from the UK!!!

My kids are raw and are generally clean. I do give both kids a wash in their privates every evening. They are 18mo. & 5 1/2.

2. I encourage them to eat WHENEVER they like and do not adhere to set mealtimes. We do have the three main meals in the house but it is just part of the grazing routein. They are never forced to clean their plate but to eat until they are satisfied.

3. I will discontinue breastfeeding when he wants to, not when I "should". (update) This happened at 2.5yrs of his own accord.

How about you? :p

************************************************** ***************************************

Oct 2007 Update:

Kids are now 7.5 & 3.5

1. Strongly encourage kids to understand what food their body is asking for I always probe when they say they are huuunnnnggggrrryyyy. I go through the same list each time asking "does your tummy want crunchy, creamy, salty or sweet?" This really helps. My daughter is very good with understanding what her body is asking for. I also find out that sometime they just need a drink!:rolleyes:

2.Our kids go to bed early ;I am always amazed at how late kids stay up and then (the parents) complain that they have no time to themselves or the kids are tired and difficult to manage during the day. I found very early that my daughter especially needs a full nights rest or she becomes a grizzly bear! They go to bed anywhere from 600-700pm. Please note I do understand that every family is different but this is what works well for us.

3. I still use my ergobabycarrier.com to carry my son when I need to dash about running errands. It is THE BEST carrier and I have had them ALL. It goes from infant to 5 years. I always feel so bad seeing woman carry kids in the front pack as it's so hard on your back and such a pain when you bend over too. I have traveled extensivly and so many other cultures carry their children on their back using just fabric. I mean hey it's hand free and NO STRESS on the BACK!I will carry him in this until he no longer fits!

4. Both Kids are still raw, and are on their third year.

RowanC

02-04-2006, 06:04 PM

I have so many friends who panicked when their kids became teens. I reared 3 boys alone and here is my main rule - it apparently worked. They're all grown and responsible members of society.

"If they're not hurting themselves or infringing on anyone else's rights, let them do whatever they want."

That's it. If they want purple hair, pierced eyebrows, to wear funny looking clothes.... even a tattoo... ::shrug:::: It's their life.

The tattoo story: my 15 year old REALLY wanted a tattoo. Of what? Of this rock band that was popular in the 90's. I relented, but we negotiated that it had to be somewhere that a white tee shirt (short sleeves) could cover up.

He's 33 this year, and he's thanked me numerous times for that negotiation! ::laughing:::

Let them explore.

I'm 53 and all the kids who were branded the "troublemakers" in my highschool are now doctors, lawyers, and "chiefs" of their own lives.

Don't sweat the small stuff.
Choose your battles.

That's it.

Oh.. no.. one more thing.
Read and work through the material in "How to Keep the Love You Find" by Harville Hendrix. It will, among other things, show you how what you do now impacts your children for the rest of their lives. It will also help you understand your own adult relationship choices. Good book.

eachpeachpearplum

02-04-2006, 06:40 PM

Hurrah - great post, I totally agree. Well said!

Purl

02-04-2006, 06:46 PM

here's my main rule-teach them what is appropriate in public, then let them be themselves, esp at home. I get some mighty ugly glares re: their behavior etc, but over the years I have had to learn to not care what strangers think of my dc's "quirks". I have one boy who insists on "talking" to the scaner at stores. They hunt for "treasures" in stores-a lost twisty tie, or ripped tag, a spare penny, etc. I let my 2 year old ride on the front of the cart. People think I'm nuts 'cause I let my dc get bumps and bruises and I let them try stuff and test their courage and their strength. Just today 8 yo Gus was crossing a creek using an old snag. He was about 8 feet up. He would cross on the old tree, jump down and run back and do it again. He must have done it 10 times! He was so happy and having such a great time. The tree was secure and if he fell, yeah, he'd get hurt, but it wouldn't kill him. So I just let him enjoy it. After the 3rd or 4th time he said "Hey mom! I know this must look scarey, but don't worry. I'm not tired yet-and think of all the muscles I'm building right now!"

I also give my 5 yo and my 2 yo a bath 1-2x a week, but my older boys PHEEEEW!!! They need a shower at least every other day.

I also try to learn as much as I can so I can help my dc and I trust my intution at all times. I won't go into it, but on several different occascions in the last 8 years i ahve been told that 1 or both of my older boys would die due to medical issues. I trusted God and my inner voice thru it all and they are both here and healthy and strong. Also-on several different occasions I have expressed my concerns over food allergies with 2 different doctors and they both told me that "the scientfic evidence does not support" what I KNOW to be true about my dc. I have tried several controlled exp. re: specific foods, and I have found my dc to be allergic to dairy, wheat, and gluten. Recently I took my 2 autistic dc off anti-psychotic meds and have been feeding them a gluten free (cooked) or raw diet, slowly transitioning to raw. They are better now then they EVER were on any of the 3 meds we tried over the past 4 years.

adrienne

02-04-2006, 07:12 PM

thanks for these great posts
as a new mom, i freak out over a lot (although not the "regular" things my friends do!)
the other day we were at a playdate and my 18 mo old daughter enjoyed some "goldfish" that the other child was enjoying and was far from interested in what we brought (fruit, toast w/ almond butter) i fretted a lot on the way home and as the days went on realized that if i give her what i think is best the majority of the time...a little goldfish aint gonna kill her
so i'm trying to be more relaxed, for her sake and not make her neurotic!!
and i'm all about the infrequent baths!
i can't wait to read more posts!

mommamia

02-04-2006, 08:50 PM

I just have to join in and concur here! Your not alone. My dd gets a bath 1x a week~she's 8 in March. Altho, sometimes in the summer she needs them more frequently.

We don't adhere to mealtimes anymore. As long as it's healthy she can eat whatever she wants. I also agree with the Adrienne...lighten up a bit as long as the big picture is good. (Tonite we went to a movie all those SAD treats! I was going to relent but in the end she wanted a raw treat I made!Yah!! We had a bit of popcorn, too and that was okay!!)

Yeah for breastfeeding until they are ready to quit!! It happens to soon. And when they are ready to quite IS when you "should" quite, right? ;)

Okay. Here is my other thing. Nudity. My daughter loves to strip and wear next to nothing around the house. Usually, just underwear. While she doesn't do this around company and it's getting so outside it's not always appropriate (oh to live in the country! but around here ya just don't know what wierdo is going to drive by....and keep driving by....) When she's 13 will she want to run around 1/2 naked, I doubt it! (I'm laughing because now I"m thinknig about a teenage girl at the movies tonite who was 14 or so and dressed in VERY little!) Youthful pure innocence is fleeting so I enjoy seeing her so free! I get laughed at a bit about it, but i really don't care. I don't want to ever make her ashamed of her body! I don't like to hear "sit like a lady" out of mom's mouths, either....so I"m big on negating the body issues our society has.

Great thread!

eachpeachpearplum

02-05-2006, 01:24 AM

Karen_in_FLA

02-05-2006, 01:58 AM

My children and I see a chiropractor once a week. We've been going for about 2 years now. With the chiropractor's help (within a month), we've been able to take my son off of all the asthma and allergy medication he used to be on.

eachpeachpearplum

02-05-2006, 02:29 AM

Veganmama

02-05-2006, 05:49 AM

I've always been a bit "different with my parenting to the others around me. I wore both my girls in slings and never used a pram they also had all their naps in their during the day. I co-sleep, i'm still breastfeeding my 3.5 yearold, no real set meal times here just always food avaliable.

My neighbours, both single mum as well, think i'm crazy/amzing as i don't hit or yell at my girls yet they are still very lovely, polite yet wild children. I don't believe they should do what they are told without out question, i welcome the questioning, but they still know where the boundaries are.

We are also homeschooling

I love parenting my girls it's such an amazing journey

Kitty

02-05-2006, 11:45 AM

I was always told not to let my child graze on food and to feed them in set times, but I completely disagree with that. I think thats part of the reason some people have grown up with eating problems. They eat full meals because there forced to then they snack when they're hungry. So I just let my daughter eat when she tells me she is hungry and when its lunch or dinner if she isn't hungry thats fine. I also don't give her baths every day, but sometimes I do it just to entertain her. She loves them! One day I hope to get to the point of just letting her be herself in public. Its hard, my mothers good at making me feel bad if she "misbehaves" in public but thats how I would want to do it.

mommamia

02-05-2006, 04:46 PM

How could I forget co-sleeping! it's so much part of our life that I don't think of it anymore!
It started because we were into attachment parenting and it didn't keep us all up at night. It morphed from there. She's 8 as I've mentioned and sometimes she's w/one of us, then both of us...we sleep anywhere and everywhere we are comfortable. Sometimes it's 1/2 the night on her own, 1/2 with parent or parents. She has her own bed ....and a little mattress on the floor we were trying to do the transitioning thing with for awhile. Just never got there. I figure when we are all ready for it she'll be in her own bed. We agreed that if co- sleeping ever got to be a problem we'd change it. So here we are. She's an only child, too, don't know if that plays into it....but she's only a kid once.

And homeschooling here too! Classically, which also makes for a different choice in the homeschool world.

Eachpearplum: You brought back a couple memories! I remember my dd playing outside with a inside out shirt in her hair...pretending she had mermaid hair...we had just mowed lawn and besides underwear that's all she had on. She took the mown grass and threw it all over, played with it, rolled in it...needless to say she was a bit "itchy" later in the tub....I think we definately live vicariously through our children. They do things we would like to be free to do as grown ups.

JennaBoBenna

02-05-2006, 06:19 PM

You brought back a couple memories! I remember my dd playing outside with a inside out shirt in her hair...pretending she had mermaid hair...we had just mowed lawn and besides underwear that's all she had on.

:o hehe, my best friend and I used to do that when we were little with our shirts before we'd get in the bath. and it was mermaid hair! :rolleyes: :p :D

RowanC

02-05-2006, 06:30 PM

Some really great advice here. I'm not the only hippie mom around ::chuckle::

The bath thing... my middle son just would NOT take a bath.. he was the scrungiest kid around, but the most loveable! My eldest was the opposite. He hated to be dirty and was always clean and shiny. Took at LEAST a shower a day, more if I didn't watch him carefully. Funny thing about it all is that when headlice went around each year (we lived in the country and it wasn't uncommon) the OLDER boy would get it every danged year, but the little scrunge-bucket never got it once. We used to tease him and tell him he was too dirty for the lice! roflol

Now HE has a 2 year old daughter... payback is so much fun!

We lived on a commune so there was a lot of community rearing and patience and love. One of my friends breastfed her son forever. We used to worry when he got old enough to ask for the breast... but you know. He grew up to be the sweetest and most brilliant, beautiful man and all that titty didn't hurt him a bit. ::smile:::

Now, I had a reason to post this, but I've forgotten it... so I'll just go read elsewhere until it comes back into my mind.

Oh yeah, I went to see Paul Nison today. He gave a really great free talk at the healthfood store here in Portland. Nice guy...

RowanC

02-05-2006, 06:32 PM

Oh yeah, I remember what I was going to say.

I am reading mothers saying they follow their instincts. THAT IS THE BEST ADVICE OF ALL.

ALWAYS follow your own instincts. YOU know YOUR child better than anyone. It's the flesh of your flesh...

Sometime when my hands aren't so inflamed, I'll tell you the story of when my son almost died because a doctor wouldn't listen...arrrghhhh....

adrienne

02-05-2006, 08:00 PM

thank you RowanC for allowing me to remember about instinct!
i agree (but often forget) about how powerful and important it is
being a mom is hard! but amazing too! reading this type of stuff really helps a lot so thanks to everyone

JennaBoBenna

02-05-2006, 11:36 PM

The bath thing... my middle son just would NOT take a bath.. he was the scrungiest kid around, but the most loveable! My eldest was the opposite. He hated to be dirty and was always clean and shiny. Took at LEAST a shower a day, more if I didn't watch him carefully. Funny thing about it all is that when headlice went around each year (we lived in the country and it wasn't uncommon) the OLDER boy would get it every danged year, but the little scrunge-bucket never got it once. We used to tease him and tell him he was too dirty for the lice! roflol

The thing with lice is that they lovvve clean hair! It's easiest to move around in. So your little ''scrunge-bucket'' was too dirty for the lice ;) :D

mommamia

02-06-2006, 12:37 PM

I am reading mothers saying they follow their instincts. THAT IS THE BEST ADVICE OF ALL.

That is so true! I find that even though at times I think I am following my own instincts I'm very influenced by what others say and think. Or what book I've read...so hard sometimes to lay those voices aside!

Smelly: Cool....I remember doing that a bit with a towel after baths! I thought it was so cool...

Purl

02-06-2006, 12:46 PM

oh yeah. we have co-slept with all of our dc. we've been doing it for so long that I don't even think of it now. I also have worn all my babes in a sling, not just when we go out, but around the house for a good portion of the day. Nuthin' better than a sleepy snugglin' baby. Cloth diapers for the 1st 3, but disposables for #4 (we could not find a diaper that did not cause INSTANT diaper rash :( ) We did homeschool the 1st 2 for about a year and a half, but with their special needs I just could not do *everything* they needed and still meet the needs of the rest of the family. They ahve some pretty major social issues so school really is the best place for them, for now. I hope to bring them home again in a few years.

mommamia

02-06-2006, 02:41 PM

Purl~ I like your approach~you seem to be very flexible. I put dd in school for K and then we hs'ed...but what we do in the training of our children really does change depending on the needs of the family. I think that is a really good point to remember. Nothing is static.

BTW, it looks like we have the same goal: 135 in June!

maydolphin10

02-06-2006, 05:06 PM

RowanC

02-06-2006, 05:30 PM

I homeschooled all three of mine. I was a single mom who worked and for some reason, just got lucky I guess. I based their cirriculum on their interests. Son #1 loved sports.. Son #2 loved music... Son #3 loved computers. I am not a Christian, but I found A Beka Book's (is that right?) cirriculum to be the best. When they got into doctrine, I'd highlight it in yellow and tell the kids, "Now, this is someone's opinion, and you may want to read it because it's interesting and will make you think. But you do not HAVE to read it if you don't want to." They were amazing. They'd read it and discuss it.

My youngest really wanted a computer which was waaay out of my budget. I went to a yardsale and picked up a broken computer for $10 - this was probably about 1993 - and said, "if you can get it to work you'll have a computer!"

He now is the main tech support for a huge insurance company and makes more money than I ever dreamed of! He's 25 and owns his own home. Never had a day of college. Took his GED at 16 and went right to work. He's now talking about taking a few years off and going to college.

That's another piece of advice. You can encourage them to go to college but until their ready, you are wasting money to force them, imo. When they WANT to go is when they'll learn.

Both my middle and youngest are awesome musicians. The youngest has a manager and is working on a recording contract. If anyone wants to check him out his website is at www.cameronbarry.com

Middle son has worked at a print shop for 9 years. Has a wife, daughter, and home.

My eldest joined the military, went to Bosnia, then came back and went to college and is now an operating room RN. Also has a wife, son, and saving for a home.

All three turned out fine... :::proud mom:::

And now, after I thought I could NEVER love anyone more than my kids.. I have two grandkids...

It's a whole new ballgame... I just turn to jello in their hands! ::smiling::

Enjoy those kids!

Amberly

02-06-2006, 07:10 PM

LOL, I'm 24 and I still don't like to sleep by myself. When I am at my mothers I sleep with my sister. Lots of times it's all three of us. This past weekend my sister was gone, so I told my mother, "you know I'm not sleeping by myself."

Actually, when I was living in a dorm my roommate and I pushed our beds together because neither of us were used to sleeping alone.

It's in no way debilitating, in my case anyway, I slept alone when I lived in an apartment, so I know I can. Just prefer not to. In a bed anyway, if I have to sleep by myself I do something weird like sleep on the couch or in the chair.

The BF thinks I'm nuts because he'll come in from a trip and I'll be asleep in the livingroom. We have 4 bedrooms. Nuts!

eachpeachpearplum

02-06-2006, 09:40 PM

ok so im not a mom (as it should be) but as a teen i say i would love to have any of you as parents. i would love to take a bath just once a week, not eat set meals, not worry about social acceptance, and just being free to do as i please. my parents seem to think the main goal in life is to be "normal" and just like everyone else. your children are all so lucky!!

Hey welocme to our "unconvertional" thread. I appreciate your comments. Hey why not print off the thread and leave it just "lying around" for you parents to see - ha ha ha.

No really, parenting is such a demanding - and generally thankless job; dont be too hard on them they are only doing what they think is best. Be thankfull for them!

Feel free to add here what YOU would like to see from your parents!

Cheers,

EPPP

Mina

02-07-2006, 09:06 AM

I did the same thing!!!! I wore my 2 kids on a sling for a whole day, never put them on the floor until they strated to crawl or walk. breastfed for 18 months, co-slept, loved it. they are 60% raw the rest is steamed vegetables at dinner time. and of course I homeschool. could not do it any other way. I used to bath my kids every night but then I read somewhere it is not good. by bathing them everyday you strip the natural oil off their (skins) little bodies so now is only once a week. and I do clean their private part before bed everynight. they are 6 and 3 years old, very happy independent, loooove vegetables and fruits and smoothies. We have a lot of fun.
and you Know I don't care what other people think or say. We are happy, we are together, we do our thing and the rest is nobody's business.

Purl

02-07-2006, 10:56 AM

I guess I have one more piece of advice that I have learned over the past 8 years- BE FLUID. I was so stubborn re: certain things like homebirth and breastfeeding and homeschooling. You know what? God, The Universe, Mother Nature, what ever you want to call it-HUMBLED ME. I was unable to do almost *everything* on my "agenda". I had am emergency c-section at 29 weeks. I am one of the few women who really cannot produce milk (most likely due to my own premature birth). I tried homeschooling and even when I was FAILING to meet my dc's needs-I still kept banging my head against the wall and continued to try to teach them. I felt like a failure if I ever "gave up"-but I wasn't giving up. I was CHANGING to meet my dc's needs. My dc were actually dehydrated and passing crystals 'cause I was GOING to breastfeed them til they self weaned. Well after a few weeks they needed to be hospitalized or given extra fluids. I'm not having a pity party here-I'm just saying that out of ALL of the things I have learned-it is to be willing and accepting of changes you may have to make. That was the hardest part of it all. Accepting what is, and working with it the best I could. I even denied their autism for about a year, before I finally went and got a dx and I was DEVESTATED-'cause I didn't want to accept anything that deviated from my "plan" and I certainly did not "plan" to have SN dc.

So-yes-rule #1: Use your intuition-but be willing to **listen** to it-EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU YOU WERE HOPING TO HEAR.

have a blessed day. :)

mommamia

02-08-2006, 01:14 PM

Great advice! Be Flexible no matter what~even if it's not your "ideal" situation!

truthseeker

02-10-2006, 01:40 AM

Cleans and nourish pre-pregnancy

Breastfeed on demand and until self weaned

Co-slept / family bed till they make their own way out.

Listed to instincts ALWAYS !!!!!! Not easy when close family & friends don't even know what instincts are and sway you from your own.

bathe about 1x a week in winter/fall and more in summer when we're dig'in in the dirt more

let them eat when their hungry and stop when their full (teaching about living foods for living bodies)

let them sleep when their tired and wake on their own (although their sleep patterns do follow my own and hubby's)

Homeschool. Of any sort. Ours follows my children's interests, my heart and our families needs.....more family time.

It's crazy how close a person can become to another. I look at any one of my children and I can tell by the look in their eyes if they feel great or if they're not feeling well. I observe them and can tell from their body language if their interest is engaged or if they're bored. I hear their voice and I know if they are tired or full of energy. And now I am able to even look at things like their skin and know if they need more efa's or even their urine and how clear it is or not......AMAZING.

I will let them decide if collage is what they want or not. RowanC what an inspiration you are!

Here's a book for which I have no words. I don't know if any of you have read it, I'm actually still waiting for my copy to come in the mail. Anyway here's the link:

http://www.continuum-concept.org/

Boysenberry

02-10-2006, 09:24 AM

I must know, WHAT IS A WHIMPPLE? LOL, this has been a topic of discussion for several years between my sisters and I, please, what is it?

Boysenberry

02-10-2006, 09:47 AM

Probably the most unconventional thing I do with my children is almost everything I do. I am really big into letting them make decisions on their own. Giving them choices when they are small, with anything I can. My oldest son, almost 16 now, decided when he was 6 that shorts and a tee shirt in the pouring rain was okay. I decided to let him "suffer the consequences" so he wouldnt do it again.... here it is, 10 years later, the boy only wears pants to church. He doesn't even own a long sleeve shirt and borrows a coat from me for scouting events that will be high in the mountains. Even if it is 15 degrees outside, it is shorts and a t-shirt for him. He catches flak from friends and teachers, but after awhile they leave him alone.

I let them climb up the slide and on top of the monkey bars! I try to let them follow their own interests, but I insist that they treat eachother with repect and kindness, that they help out in the family beacuse together we are a team, that we are always honest with eachother. I listen to their ideas and admit quickly when I am wrong. Frequntly, they think outside the box and their ideas are better than mine.

I have six and one on the way, I think they are the best and I am so blessed to have each of them!

truthseeker

02-10-2006, 08:39 PM

YES, always in the buff my kids wear their undies only .....everyday. I do need to tell them to go put clothes on when we are going to leave the house. Even for my many pictures I've posted here of them with a raw food treat in hand, I've had to tell them to put on the clothes for the picture :p . Winter too (and we keep the heat way down) they are just about naked. They're just born naturalists ;)

eachpeachpearplum

02-10-2006, 08:46 PM

I must know, WHAT IS A WHIMPPLE? LOL, this has been a topic of discussion for several years between my sisters and I, please, what is it?

We are Brittish and I suppose it's not very recognised here in the US. It's that pointy hat you see in period movies with a long piece of thin cloth attached at the tip worn by women in midevil times. I will get a picture of my daughter in her's when I get a chance! ha ha ha.

eachpeachpearplum

02-10-2006, 08:50 PM

oceanluv

02-10-2006, 10:31 PM

Hi, it is a part of the headpiece that nuns wear.

eachpeachpearplum

02-10-2006, 11:32 PM

Hi, it is a part of the headpiece that nuns wear.

Yes, oceanluv is correct about the "wimple". Intersting as we grew up referring to the pointy hat as such; it's funny what happens to words! Below is a bit I found online! I love learning new things :p

"Hairstyles for women whose hair could be seen - young unmarried women - took the form of plaits hanging down on either side of the face. Otherwise the head was covered with a filet, or crown-shaped circlet - held on with a strap that passed under the chin. Older, veiled women covered their entire throats with a draped white linen known as a wimple. The wimple became a standard part of the nun's habit."

truthseeker

02-10-2006, 11:46 PM

Ah yes....I remember my sister and I use to wear our tights on our heads and pretend that the legs were our long hair :p and last year I walked into my girls room and found they had discovered this alternate use for them on their own...ha, ha...I couldn't stop laughing, it must be a universal form of play.

mommamia

02-12-2006, 11:49 PM

TIGHTS!!!

I forgot all about that, but now that you mention it, I remember doing tights. I actually put them on my baby bro's head (he was about 3) and made him play with me. Wow, thanks for the memory. I'll have to show that to my daughter! I don't think she's discovered it yet. She doesn't know what she's missing!

Conscious Midwife

05-14-2006, 09:04 PM

Mother of a 2, 3, 12, 14, and 18 year old

Cosleeping with toddlers when they want

Older children coslept then shared beds with each other for years

Shower with girl toddler on occassion ( she's 3), taught her how to wash her hair and body parts, showered with other kiddos too at least a half dozen times when they were small.

Taught all how to swim before they were 2 or 3

Allowed all to write and do artistic things on their bedroom walls

My daughters' hair is chemical free

Ala carte meals

All allowed to question everything, though this can sometimes been unnerving
when it's time to hurry up and go somewhere

EVERYONE GETS TO PICK THEIR OWN RELIGION AFTER AGE 12, under twelve you do what mama does, which right now is a mix of religious science, progressive islamacism and light and love kinda new aginess. :confused: ;) :D

BATHING IS A DAILY MUST IN OUR HOME, TWO SHOWERS A DAY FOR FOLKS 13 AND UP!!!

Nenyath

05-18-2006, 05:37 AM

I am not a momma.. Not yet.. This thread is really quite interresting though! Come to think of it, I did not shower more than once a week as a child, it was just the way of things, we had a really cold bathroom though, so I quite appreaciated not ahving to go so often! In summer I believe it was almost daily though, this was to get the salt out of my hair, I always wore my swimsuit under my clothes at summer as it took us only 5 min to go to the beach. I slept alone though and was afraid of the dark and I HAD to eat up at dinner, this frequently resulted with me sitting at the table alone until bedtime, uh how I hated that broccoli!! My children will get even more freedom though, I just hope I have the wisdom for it then lol :o

Comming to think of it, isn't it only natural to sleep together? I mean, in Europe the family almost always slept in one room, even in the age of industrialism! Society wants us so independant these days though, it is me and you but not an us.. Depression and anxiety comes to my mind here.. Hmm..

Fly forever free and thank you for being such wonderful mothers!

jimi

05-18-2006, 07:28 AM

unconventional:

1) Listen, I mean really listen. Stay silent much longer so they provide not just their initial comment or question but the rationale behind it.

2) Emphasis on respect and tolerance. When we have a disagreement, we "switch shoes", and have each person debate from the perspective of the other persons best case.

3) The only thing we "force" is that each kid must play an instrument for at least 1/2 hour per day. They can pick the instrument.

4) It's fair to say that their "lunchboxes" are highly unconventional relative to the other kids!

moonstone523

05-18-2006, 07:59 AM

I don't have kids, but I can't wait to have them to share or pass on the wonderful gifts I got from both my parents.

This thread prompted me to write them an email. Being half way across the world from them for 2 years is hard. Here it is: :)

Mom and Dad,

I was reading an online forum and the thread was talking about parenting. It got me thinking about my childhood.

Thank you for letting me where shorts to school when it was snowing in Texas.

Thank you for sharing your bed with me till I was ready to sleep on my own.

Thank you for letting me eat when and what I wanted to and not forcing veggies or milk down my throat. (My first salad was at age 19. Look at me now. Only eating fresh fruits and veggies. Whod a thought Id give up baked potatoes with MELTED cheese sauce?)

Thank you for buying me fringe shirts at the state fair and letting me express my inner hip-ness.

Thank you for letting me participate in all the activities I wanted to and not pressuring me to excel. (I turned out to be a kick ass back stroking on my own. Thanks dad for your height.)

Thank you for not grounding me till I was actually worthy of such punishment. And thanks for telling me learn from your mistakes when I got into more major trouble.

Thank you for allowing me independence to become who I want to be.

Thank you for taking me all over the world to experience new cultures. (And thanks to Mom for working for Delta and allowing me to sit in first class. I felt pretty special at age 10 except I hated the panty hose.)

Thanks for working hard to give Kathleen and I everything we ever wanted.

Thanks for hosting fun Halloween and birthday parties for me.

Thanks for not forcing me to go to church anymore. (Dad, deep breath. Its okay.)

Thanks for being two wonderful parents.

You did a great job raising Kathleen and I.

:)

RowanC

05-18-2006, 08:52 AM

It's crazy how close a person can become to another. I look at any one of my children and I can tell by the look in their eyes if they feel great or if they're not feeling well. I observe them and can tell from their body language if their interest is engaged or if they're bored. I hear their voice and I know if they are tired or full of energy. And now I am able to even look at things like their skin and know if they need more efa's or even their urine and how clear it is or not......AMAZING.[/url]

Thanks for another opportunity to look at these great answers! This one reminded me of how TRUE it is that YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD BETTER THAN ANYONE!

When my son, Cameron, was about 13, he became very ill. Nausea, vomiting, fever. I was very poor and could not afford medical care unless it was an emergency so I just figured it was the flu and kept fluids going. He was staying in bed on his own. Cameron is not a person to complain at all, so when he told me he needed to see a doctor NOW, I bundled him up and took him to the ER (which unfortunately, is the choice poor people have when their kids are sick). They couldn't figure out what was wrong, and were going to send him home. No way. I insisted he stay. In the end they did exploratory surgery to find out his appendix (which wasn't where it should be) had burst and he was being poisoned by the infection.

Fast forward to a few days later. The doctor decides to release Cameron to go home because we don't have insurance and "he's young and strong - he'll heal just fine." I'm looking at Cameron thinking, "Something is just not right. This kid is not well enough to go home. " You know that look in their eyes when they're just not right? Moms know...

I told the doctor I just don't think he should go yet. They insisted they needed the bed and released him. This was on a Friday.

By Saturday morning he was in great pain and his incision was swelling. I called the doctor who called in an antibiotic. I go to the drug store to pick it up and it is ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY DOLLARS!!!! I became hysterical and called the doctor. No WAY can I afford THAT! He calls in something more reasonable. By Sunday morning, Cameron is moaning and in pain and the doctor says bring him into the office first thing in the morning. By Monday morning, I'm carrying this 6 foot kid into the car and getting him to the doctor.

The doctor took one look at him, took him into his office, layed him up on the examining table and opened the incision right there in his office. He said he didn't have time to get him to the hospital. You would not believe what came out of that child's belly. I've seen a lot of things, and I'm not squeamish, but that almost did me in. He had a HUGE infection. It was horrible. They rushed him to the hospital where it took him almost 10 days to recover enough to come home.

I probably should have sued someone, but I was so thankful that he was alive that it didn't even cross my mind at that time. What DID anger me was when the CNA who had cared for him the original visit said to me, "I wondered why they didn't have him on antibiotics after a ruptured appendix, but they said he was young and strong and wouldn't need it!"

Those people didn't give him an antibiotic.. I could not believe it.. I guess because we didn't have insurance to pay for it. I was shocked, angry, and disillusioned.

But I'm getting away from the purpose of this story .. which is...

A MOTHER KNOWS HER CHILD. Sometimes it can be life or death and the rest of the world doesn't believe you. You must believe in yourself and your sixth sense as a mother. Do what is best for your child. I should have made a scene and INSISTED that another doctor examine Cameron before they release him from the hospital because I KNEW something wasn't right. And I was RIGHT but felt too "small and insignificant" to insist. As a result, I almost lost my beloved son.

People who know me can't believe I kept my mouth shut in that situation :::laughing::: I'm usually pretty vocal as many of you know, and not afraid to express my opinion. But for some reason, I was tired and intimidated by the doctors. Don't be.

RowanC

05-18-2006, 08:56 AM

Probably the most unconventional thing I do with my children is almost everything I do. I am really big into letting them make decisions on their own. Giving them choices when they are small, with anything I can. \

This is very wise!
I wanted to mention that one of the things I did with my kids was I let them choose their punishment when they did something wrong. When they were little I'd explain what they did wrong, then say, "Ok, you can choose how we handle this. Do you want 15 minutes time=out, do you want to do Robbie's chores tomorrow ( if he had offended Robbie), or do you want a spanking?" (We spanked in those days)

When they were older, I'd just say, "Well.. what do you think your punishment should be...?"

I was amazed that almost always they chose punishments that were harsher than I would have chosen.

And, the thing is, they didn't get mad at ME because THEY were the ones who chose the punishment!

AJ Bodine

05-18-2006, 09:12 AM

What a great post!

I rarely get to talk with other Mom's who are Mothering unconventionally. I live in an area where the switch is still the best reason for kids to comply! My son plays baseball with kids that get screamed at by their parents for dropping the ball or not paying attention during a "big game". My son is very athletic and loves to play ball, but I tell him, it's a game, it's for fun, when you aren't enjoying it, it's time to find something that you will.

My son is almost 7. When I had him, I was still a SAD person. I'd experiemented with McDougall (vegan) on and off for a few years, but I didn't see how this could help me through a pregnancy, so of course I got my milk, meat, eggs, whole grains, etc..just like the Dr. told me.

When it came time to breastfeed, I almost starved my son to death. He was losing weight, the Dr. said he could have a heart condition which scared me to the point of having a mental breakdown on the car ride home. When all it really was, is that I was not giving my body proper nourishment, so I was unable to produce enough healthy milk. So, after 10 difficult weeks, we switched to formula.

Instictually, I started the co-sleeping right away. I remember all too well my fears of sleeping alone in a dark room at the end of the hall and being yelled at to go to sleep! I was a sleep deprived child! At the age of 6, my son requested his own room and we made a celebration of it by buying him his own new wonderful bed. He loves it, never has a sleepless night and requests that we not lay down with him, he prefers to sleep alone now. He's very secure.

When my son was 3, we found out about raw. Now, we haven't been all raw, this whole time, (we are still yo-yoing unfortunately), but here's where my 1 big rule comes in...we all juice as a family every single morning and he must drink green juice every day. I tell him all the time that I was forced to sit through big hot steaming plates of disgusting dead veggies as a kid and I won't make him ever do that, but he needs to juice. It's part of his life. He drinks kale, dandelion greens, spinach, turnip greens, beet greens, you name it, he'll drink it. And he has the most beautiful glowing skin, unlike the pastey kids I see everywhere.

I allow him to make a lot of his own decisions, I try never to let the little things become big things. (Like allowing him to wear tank tops in the winter, which is something he loves to do too!) I'd much rather save our debates for the bigger important things. And when one of us loses our temper, we have some alone time and then one of us comes to the other and says, "you want to fix this?" and then we talk it out and talk about what we could have done differently. Then there's lot's of kisses and hugs and I love yous!

We homeschool, although many could debate that what we are doing is not "schooling". It's more about family time here too. We learn the traditional stuff when it feels right. There are days we work on reading and math a lot. And others when we just talk and go outside and play.

We are very alone as a family unit. We moved to an area where we know nobody and it's a very strong bible community and we are not big church goers. They throw cancer benefits and serve fried chicken and biscuits. It's a pretty isolated lifestyle for us right now, but at least we have each other. I doubt that we'll stay living here for a long time. But who knows where we'll go from here?

It was great to read your posts and realize that I'm not alone in my thinking. Most of what I decided was instinctual and some was trial and error. You know, thinking back on all the stuff that didn't work with me. Like my Mom saying, "BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT'S WHY!" We don't talk like that in our house, it doesn't help my son prepare himself to go out into the world when he's taught to just accept whatever is handed to him and not question.

Thank you everyone for sharing! Sorry this got a little long!

AJ Bodine

05-18-2006, 09:17 AM

RowanC, thank you for the story about your son's appendix. There are many life experiences that others share that we can draw on in our own times of crisis. I will remember what you've said and always question when that Motherly instinct is telling me to question and not feel small and insignificant. (which by the way, I completely understand).

rawpriestess

05-22-2006, 11:49 AM

What wonderful, loving parents you all are, Your kids are blessed!

ShantiDass

05-22-2006, 03:19 PM

Wow. I love this thread. I differ in some of my parenting than most of you but it's very interesting.

DD takes a shower almost every night. She gets away with skipping Friday nights if she wants to. I like the idea of clean sheets and not climbing in to a bed that I slept in dirty the night before. She goes to school and that is a cootie factory so I want her to wash all of that off before going to bed.

We co-slept until the middle of last year when she decided she really wanted to sleep in her own room. I have to admit I like not getting hit and kicked in the middle of the night!

One of the things I thing I do differently than most parents is that she is allowed to cuss. We don't use racial slurs in my house and she has no interest but if she wants to let a cuss word out, go for it. It's not allowed at school or friends who don't "use language like that" but otherwise she is free to express herself.

I'm also into answering all of her questions openly and honestly. She knows almost everything I know about sex. She has asked how gay men and lesbians do it, what oral sex is and what prostitutes do, how to use a condom, etc. I explain everything completely. She has said sometimes she wishes she didn't ask! She's now 12 and wanted to tell all the neighborhood kids everything about sex because she said all kids should know what she knows. We had a little talk with her that their parents will handle that and not her.

Ariella

05-22-2006, 11:38 PM

wow well a lot of us actually have alot of similarities in some of our parenting decisions. that is pretty neat.

unconventional stuff in our house: (most of which has already been listed several times)

1) bath once maybe 2 times per week for the kiddos. they are not usually dirty though! if they were/are they woudl get one more often
2) eating when hungry no set meal times! this is a huge one in my house! my parents were big on teh 3 square meals thing and i ended up having a lot of eating disorders. so we eat when we are hungry and until satisfied. no cleaning up the plate thing around here.
3) co-sleeping - our little boy slept with us until he was 2, then moved to his own bed for a few month then back to ours until he was 3. then he was in and out depending on the night until 4. now he has his own big boy room which he really wanted and is so happy about. our little girl (10 months sleeps with us still though!
4) breastfeeding until they want to be done - whether it be early or later. their choice!
5) do front packs when they are smaller and until they grow out of them. tried slings and they hurt my back too much
6) try to give them choices when i can. want to instill in them an ability to be their own person and have a mind of their own

interesting thread. good to find some many commonalities here.

Ariella

JUICE PLUS+
www.juiceplus.com/+dj73561

my journal: www.ethicalcentral.com/main

Conscious Midwife

05-24-2006, 08:34 AM

Allowed 18 year old to pick her own college

May homeschool 14 year old gifted child wo has exasperated the traditional school system

Every meal is usually ala cart in out house, too many preferences so we just go with it

Toddlers go barefoot wherever it's safe

NO CABLE, NO HIGH TECH TOYS IN OUR HOME

Toddlers share bottem bunk of bunk bed when not cosleeping with mommy and daddy. baby crib was most often use for decoration and then for storing clean laundry :p

All allowed to graze throughout the day. shared meals are sometimes breakfast and often dinner, but again it's ala cart

eachpeachpearplum

05-24-2006, 10:36 AM

Hey thanks everyone! I just love hearing all those who have NOT followed the straight and narrow - we are sending out such rounded children!

ryana

05-24-2006, 12:03 PM

ok mabye a stupid question I don't have any children yet but i was wondering how do you sleep with a baby without rolling ove on him or kicking him off the bed. cosleeping sounds scarry. but i must say you all sound like you are awesome parents.

dreamrawalwz

05-24-2006, 02:48 PM

Spectatrix

05-24-2006, 03:00 PM

Regarding co-sleeping... most adults, whether they realize it or not, are sensitive enough to what's going on in bed to not roll onto/smother a baby. To keep the baby from rolling off the bed, I think some parents sleep with the child between them, so the parents' bodies act as "rails", so to speak. There are also products that facilitate safer co-sleeping, such as cribs that are open on one side and attach to the bed. That way the baby is safe in his/her own little bed, but still close enough to mommy for comfort and easy breastfeeding.

rawandama

05-25-2006, 12:40 AM

Hmmm...I swing between conventional and unconventional.
I had a homebirth with my son (will do with the next one here in a couple months).

I breastfed for 7 months until we were sick of each other. I hated it, he hated it.

Co-slept for three months until my husband was pulling his hair out- Jimmy bean likes to sleep sideways.

I let my son eat dirt. Rocks and sticks I'm a little more careful with. Sand and dirt he can eat to his heart's content (he's 16 months).

We go to the playground and play every nice day.

I don't compare him to other kids. He's a GENIUS :D . Everything he does amazes me.

He plays the drums. Heck, he plays everything.

We (my husband and I) do spank him, and as a result he knows exactly where his boundaries are. We went through a rough time where we had to do it frequently, but now he knows and we almost never have to. If he's running for the road and I yell "NO!" he stops. Which is wonderful since I'm pregnant and can't move as fast.

He eats broccoli. Lettuce. Red peppers. Cucumbers. Zucchini (sp?). And I'm not afraid to tell people "NO!" when they try and give him treats (oohh, I hate when people try to do it after I've said no once...)

We read books together almost every day. He loves it.

He listens to classical music with my mom on Tuesdays and Fridays. He actually conducts.

Okay, now I'm just bragging about my kid!!!

rawandama

05-25-2006, 12:44 AM

...and I didn't even say what I set out to say in the first place. Unusual child rearing tips----

I never ask if he wants something, or if he wants more. I hold out his cracker or piece of food and say, "Please?" When he doesn't have my immediate attention and he needs something he says, "Pweese!" That way he doesn't get "rewarded" for saying please (as it is said every time he gets something). I do this so later, when people say no to his requests, he doesn't feel like he should have gotten it just because he said please. I'm teaching boundaries early. Does that make sense?

ljcoolj

05-31-2006, 12:36 PM

eachpeachpearplum

05-31-2006, 01:33 PM

Well, I wouldn't say that I'm very unconventional. Although baths are definitely not an everyday thing. I never co-slept with either one of my boys (11 and 3) but that was because I couldn't sleep with them in the bed, plus, I like my 'down' time after they go to bed. One rule in our house, is they can have whatever they want to eat, whenever they want it...as long as its a fruit or veggie. Anything else, they have to have to ask. One thing I've always done with both of my boys is to LET them be kids, let them play and fall and get bumps and bruises. They're more tough than most of us would care to admit. When one of them falls, I KNOW when they're hurt because I haven't spent years freaking out everytime they go 'bump'. One of my friends freaks out so bad that her son now reacts to his fall by how SHE reacts. If she shrieks, then he cries and cries. I don't believe in being over-protective. Don't get me wrong, I worry about them as any mother does but I believe they have to have room to explore and make mistakes. I think parenting is more about handling your own emotions, wants and feelings more so than it is handling the kids'. Kids are usually in a better place with themselves than most adults. Funny isn't it?

Thanks for sharing, I am totally the same. When we are at the playground and one of my kids gets hurt I dont automatically jump up to see what the matter is. I let them come to me. If it's very bad they will let me know, almost always they look at me and say "I'm fine" and carry on. My son 2yrs will toddle over for a very quick cuddle and dash back off!

I am always amazed at the exceptional overreacting I see from parents! Maybe its just an American thing but hey in the UK "that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger"!

I have to add that when my son was a newborn we were in Target and he was crying in the baby seat in the store trolly (cart). Both my kids do this when about to fall asleep. So this woman comes over and SCOLDS me about not picking him up and comforting him :eek: . She explained that she had raised five boys and new what she was on about. I had to keep from laughing (as what is the point in getting mad). By the time she was done with her speach my son was asleep!

Cheers, EPPP

ljcoolj

06-01-2006, 05:50 AM

Eachpeach, you sound SO much like me!! Funny story!!!

ShantiDass

06-02-2006, 01:10 PM

Those stories are so funny to me. I have one to share.

I've taken in children born with HIV/AIDS for years and I had a newborn several years ago who was born in the county hospital and deserted by his drug addicted mom who was a prostitute. The baby had AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, and was going through withdrawals from crack among other things. He screamed ALL THE TIME and there was no comforting this poor little boy.

I had to take him to the ER daily for antibiotic injections for the STD's and he was screaming while I was sitting with him waiting for the meds. It really angered one of the nurses and she stormed over to us and gave him a mean look and then looked at me and said, "Have you fed him?" I looked at her and replied, "You mean today?" She was none to pleased with me.

eachpeachpearplum

06-03-2006, 01:53 PM

I am always amazed to see how much others presume to know YOU when all they have to do is show concern and ask what the problem was and if they could help. . . . . but noooooooo. :o

squidly

06-05-2006, 08:56 PM

I have one 3 year old as you can see in my avatar:

1. Co-sleeping till about 6 months and then she had her own rom because none of us were slepping. Now she drifts between her bed and ours. Co sleeping is simple - as a mother you instinctively know where they are. I often sleep with her in my arms and she loves it.

2. Breastfed until she gave it up a month short of 2 years old - we both loved it

3. Used a sling until about 16 months and then into a backpack. We do use the pram for a one hour walk a day

4. No smacking - I feel it only teaches her to vent frustration through violence or to hit out when you can;t get what you want. I have smacked her a few times - when eating crap and losing control - good reason to stay raw as I hate myself for having hit her

5. Lots of raw food (from 60-90% depending on the day)

6. Always telling her I love her, she is beautiful, hundreds of cuddles and kisses a day

7. A daily walk with the dogs is comulsory (well 90% of the time - I relent some days if dad is home and she wants to play with him as she needs to spend more time with him)

8. No hurting people or animals by actions or words. Others feed her meat (maybe once a fortnight) but I am trying to teach her where it comes from

9. Patience and acceptance which is much easier when high raw

probably lots more things but I can not think of them..........allow her to express herself, chose her games / activitites, pick fruit and veg wth me at the organic shop etc etc

Conscious Midwife

07-02-2006, 08:14 PM

We call our children really silly nicknames...

Toddler running around in the buff is called "naked booty" now they call me that if they catch me getting out the shower

When baby #5 was a newborn he always ha a scowl on his face so we sometimes call him Frowny even when he's perky and playing

Baby number 4 now a toddler couldn't say her own name properly for a while
so she named herself ME ME and we still call her that, we also call her Moo Chic, cause she always wanted to nurse when her baby brother was nursing,

Conscious Midwife

10-06-2006, 06:40 AM

Yippeee

I'm goinh to be home with my litle people fulltime for a while, maybe a long long while

Things are about to get really fun a unusual around here! :D

tinystrawberry

10-06-2006, 11:39 AM

I feel like I was breast fed for a long time, but I always enjoyed it. 6 years.

Ildikob

10-07-2006, 02:22 PM

I love this thread, so interesting to read everyone's point of view!

For us this is what worked:

- cosleeping when Maxine was very young, we had her crib attached to our bed with one side open
- she is almost 3 and we just moved her bed out of our room, and I miss her so much!
- never gave her candy or chocoloate, I just do not see the use of it (my inlaws kept asking us for a while when I will feed her french fries and all that yucky stuff and my answer was:"when she can order and pay for it herself in her own home")
- we used a pacifier for about a month and she just gave it up, was never interested in it
- breastfed until 18mths, stopped mainly because of me (long story)
- carried her in the sling until she became just too heavy for me
- we are planning to homeshcool fully or partially
- we let her make her own decisions
- she is almost 100% raw, except the meals I give her to take to daycare, which are occasionally cooked

That is it, I think.
Someone asked about cosleeping and from what I understand it is completely safe unless one is taking medication or under the influence of alchocol, even if it is just after a night out. Then, baby should be in seperate bed. I think we also made sure that baby was not in the middle, rather on mother's side.

Ildiko

Pixie

10-07-2006, 05:51 PM

I feel so blessed to be able to homeschool my two boys, ages 10 and 11. I've always done with them what I felt guided to do at the time and what I felt was right. Here are some of the things my husband and I have done:

- let them sleep with us until they were ready to sleep on their own
- never put them in preschool, tried one week of public schools when they were old enough and realized right away it wasn't right for them, so decided to homeschool
- read to them just about every day since they were born
- don't have TV - they love to read!
- never hit/spanked them - I've always felt that this was not the way to teach them anything and would only teach them that violence is acceptable and would damage their self-esteem
- never yell - I feel this is not an appropriate way to communicate with others
- let them find their own truths and make their own decisions, trusting that they will make the right ones (and they have!)
- baths only once a week are OK, unless they're really dirty
- let them wake in the morning when they're ready - I want them to get as much sleep as their bodies need
- snuggle and hug as much as they want - which, now that they are older, is not so often anymore
- talk with them as much as possible - it's so important to keep communication free and open
- taught them to respect life - they've been vegans since birth, now slowly transitioning to raw
- taught them to try and always choose the right and to set a good example for others

My basic philosophy with raising my kids boils down to this:

Treat your kids with respect and they will treat you with respect.

And it has worked! My boys are so kind, so loving, so respectful, so helpful, so wonderful, so smart, so true, so strong, so charismatic, so polite - I could go on and on! Sorry, I'm just in love with my kids! They are the best people I've ever known.

kellibelli

10-09-2006, 12:16 AM

I have been divorced for five yrs now and I have felt liberated in a strange way. This is definitely not meant to be knocking marriage at all as it was I who was left by my husband...for another man in fact, but I have found that I feel free to do as I please as a parent without anyone looking over my shoulder. My three girls and I always cuddle on the couch and on the floor every single night. We never sleep in our beds and if we do, it is all of us together. My girls and I are so close. We all walk around half naked, although my oldest who will be 11 next month chooses a long shirt now...which is terrific too. We know how to "behave" in public, but we are much "free-er" at home. I really treasure this experience. Motherhood is strange and wonderful, heartbreaking at times, but it is such a learning experience and I thank my beautiful babies for teaching me everything I know about life.

luckitri

10-09-2006, 09:29 AM

This is a wonderful thread! We do need to talk with other mothers about our parenting and get refined understanding or validation of what we are doing.

When little I just put the garbage on the counter to stop the endless "No - dont play with the garbage!" Just removed the temptation - which is easier to do at that age, fits with child-rearing specialist advice - but was considered out of the norm by my doctor.

My boy had a little rag doll that he still has. He would crawl around with it in his mouth like a dog with a bone. He could not sleep without him. Everyone told us to ditch the doll. We did not. He has him in his room somewhere and grew out of it on his own. My mother-in-law told me that he would grow into a loving man if we allowed him to keep the doll. I think she was right.

My son has always had more social sense than me. I guess either you're born with it or you are not.

He has always insisted on much physical contact. As a baby I could not shower but the curtain had to be open where he could see me or he would scream. He would not be in the baby seat on the shopping cart even though I was inches away and he could see me. Nooooo - he had to be attached to my chest. He insisted on sleeping with us and there was no stopping it. He is now 12 and he has outgrown sleeping with mom and dad for a couple of years but still likes to have friends overnight all the time. I think that for most of history most of our ancestors were not so wealthy to have separate bedrooms for each child - so I think sleeping together is normal, natural and healthy. What I don't like is a baby by themselves in a room at the other end of the house and a "monitor" so you can hear if there is a problem. I don't think that is normal.

As for questioning authority.....well, sometimes they do it too much.....but I want them to be able to think for themselves and question....what if they encounter a predator? I would think that the child who is blindly obedient would be more likely to be prey.

Migrou

10-19-2006, 09:25 PM

My mother-in-law told me that he would grow into a loving man if we allowed him to keep the doll. I think she was right.

I love this!!

anyanyapie

11-02-2006, 03:53 PM

I loved reading all of your thoughts on parenthood. I usually give my son a bath about once a week. I always felt like a bad parent, I am glad to read that I am not the only one. I never co-slept, but if I have another, I may do things differently. And I am all about letting him get bumped and bruised every once in a while. My mom always said that if I react, he will react. I am always aware of what is going on, but I don't react until he tells me there is a problem. My son is sort of daring, he has split his head open twice and didn't cry either time (once at about 4 and once at about 7). I don't think he isn't in pain, I think he has just learned to react to pain a different way. I think parents today are one of two ways, either over-protective and don't let their kids do anything, or just let their kids do whatever they want no matter who gets hurt. I think there needs to be a balance. Kids should be allowed to express themselves and learn from their mistakes, but they should not be allowed to be disrespectfull to anyone (including themselves). This sounds so common sense, but it's actually quite rare.

protea

11-02-2006, 05:31 PM

Wow,
You are all such fantastic parents!!
I have been feeling SO bad all day for making my young son wear a new piece of clothing to school that he really didn't want to - even after he asked please over and over. I have been off raw for a while and SO irritable and unreasonable! :( I always said I'd never force my son to things he didn't want to... I am starting the 3-day raw challenge tomorrow and I KNOW how calm and kind I am on raw.
But, I've really hurt his feelings and self-esteem - anyone of these wonderful parents an idea of how to fix this? I am really bothered by this!! :(

Imani

11-03-2006, 11:15 PM

Where were you guys when I was new to parenting. I have 13 years under my belt. I was really free in the beginning, and the more I parent I get a little stuffier. :eek: I find teenage hood is scary to me. My daughter is busy and mild. Bathes do not worry, I just did not tell my mother they did not bathe everyday. My mother is a wash aholic. My mother in law is from Haiti and she likes bathes in the morning. I would rather you bathed before you get in my bed. Since family bed has become big sister's bed. They sleep with the 13 year old. No one dares get in the bed with the 10 year old. She is not real cuddle. My oldest a cannon could go off and she will not wake up so the little ones sleep with her until she rolls on them. They bath when we swimm Monday's and Wednesday and that is it. The oldest bath constantly, one I said is a gymnast and the other is a beauty, leisure queen she reads all the time and what better time but hours in the tub, and no little brothers and sister. I say just do not offend me, and know grandmother (my mother) will inspect you for any rolling dirt if she comes over or we go there.
Bath when you need to, keep you natural oils.
Imani

BDraw

11-04-2006, 01:59 PM

What an incredibly interesting post.

Me, I'm the conventional parent, always did what was expected. Oh, I did do natural childbirth, breastfed until they were ready to let go, tried to use a sling (couldn't make it fit) and homeschooled. Well, those kids are grown with kids of their own and doing good. But, I get a second chance, new family, new kids (adopted), and maybe after reading this, I'll attempt a new style of raising kids. But, boy of boy, do I have a lot to unlearn.

Thanks for the challenge!

eachpeachpearplum

10-22-2007, 11:43 AM

Hey There! :)

I love this thread and as I get older I take away new things from the posts everytime I read through it.

So on that note I have updated the first post :rolleyes: to keep things current.

Happy inspiration!

EPPP

justinesmith

10-22-2007, 12:27 PM

This is just the best post! I recently (like 3 days ago) finally got off the proverbial dock and into the boat on unschooling my girls. I feel so GREAT about this decision and almost the SECOND I made up my mind I felt relief and positivity wash over me. We also visit the chiropractor 2X/week for maintenance and my girls LOVE IT. They try to "adjust" their dolls when we get home. LOL! :D We do as much raw as we can and my oldes dd (she's 4 1/2) will tell others how good (or bad - yikes!) the food on their plate is for their health. SHe also tells her friends that she doesn't use certain things (sunscreen for ex.) because of "all the dangerous chemicals" in them. Cracks me up! We laugh everyday and we play and we learn together. I am truly blessed. :D

tinystrawberry

10-22-2007, 01:01 PM

Justine - awesomeee! unschooling is the best :)

justinesmith

10-22-2007, 01:09 PM

Justine - awesomeee! unschooling is the best :)

Thanks for the encouragment! Every positive thought leads me down the best path for me and the babes (and dh too of course!). :D

shine72

10-22-2007, 02:08 PM

Thanks for bumping it up and the update EPPP!:D

Let's see:
We breastfed
Had them close together (everyone gave me h*ll about that)
Wore the babies
Slept with the babies (I was the most rested nursing mother of littles close together that I knew)
Homeschooled
Now unschooling
Still co-sleep whenever someone needs it
No set meal times, each person in this house pretty much eats what they want, when they want, and it's all raw baby!:D (Cept dh)
Children bathe when necessary, summer means everyday, other times, it's as needed
Don't vaccinate anymore, haven't since 2000
Don't spank anymore - EVER, no exceptions
Each person is free to follow their own path, including my son with autism
No real set bedtime, although the days where we now we have to get up early to take dad in, we try to have them in bed a little earlier than normal

I feel like there's more, but that's all I can think of off of the top of my head! Again, GREAT thread!:D

justinesmith

10-22-2007, 02:40 PM

Thanks for bumping it up and the update EPPP!:D

Don't spank anymore - EVER, no exceptions

AMEN SISTER!!!

Green Life

10-22-2007, 02:46 PM

No spanking.

We've done a Bible Study with the children everyday/evening since they were old enough to listen to it.

Unschooled their entire lives

Never been to any public school for any reason

Slept with the babies until they were old enough to want their own bed which was about 2 years old

They have the whole forest surrounding them to play, laugh and learn, without the theat of cars, pollution, or abduction.

We've hauled our own water for years until we had a well drilled. This was great exercise, people! Belive me.

Protected from peer pressure and mean school punks.

lamount03

10-23-2007, 12:09 PM

I love this thread!!!! You are all so inspirational!

our stuff:
- twins co-slept until 6 months
- still nursing (16.5 months)
- almost all raw.. darn crackers and cheerios .. I need a dehydrator (we're new to this)
- I wear them often (spent the first 4 months of their lives in a sling w/ mom or dad) I still wear them in the mei tai quite a bit
- they are allowed to bump around and get bruised and learn their own path
- when home almost anything goes. The main level of the house if baby proofed enough for them to get into whatever. They climb and fall and are fine.
- they eat when they are hungry ... and I'M learning to give them what they ask for... usually bananas :) (or crackers.. gRR)
- They go to bed at 6pm... their choice, but I do like it
- baths every now and then... sometimes every other day sometimes every three days or so... or if they really get their food all over themselves.
- I give them as much freedom as I can when we're out.. and I get looks b/c they are relatively loud. ha :)
- no spanking and I try REALLY hard to do no yelling. ha

Keep em coming ladies.

ajohnson45

10-29-2007, 12:45 PM

Hello!

I'm not too sure how unusual these are, but I guess in mainstream western societies it may be.

Bathe every 2-3 days.

I wear my baby as much as possible

Child-led breastfeeding and child-led weaning

Co-sleeping

Cloth Diapering

I have 3 kids, Dakota (7yrs), Faith (5yrs), and Ashton (20mos), and EDD Feb. 08, so these tips are more for babies/toddlers. Faith was in our bed here and there until she was 3 1/2, my Ashton just stopped nursing and is still in our bed most nights. Ashton also gets worn on my back when we're out and about. And all the kids pretty much have the same bathing routine. Oh, and Ashton is the only one still in cloth diapers... :)

Andrea

kundalalita

10-30-2007, 05:30 AM

hey, im 20 and not a mom (yet i guess) but i can tell a few things that my own unconventional mother did with me.

First off when my mom was pregnant she took chinese herbs, and i have turned out naturally muscular and at least half a foot above all my family except my dad. When i was born she had me at home, and i didnt cry...

She did as many here have mentioned with letting me and my sisters eat anything whenever we were hungry, and co-sleeping too; we had a huge 3 story house and the whole family slept in and around one bed in one bedroom! and you could sleep there until you decided you didnt want to anymore. one of my sisters slept with my mom till she was 13, i started staying in my own room on my own accord at around 9. i really enjoyed having a lot of freedom and having my parents have a lot of trust in me, even though all my super physical activities would get me hurt!

another thing is that in the house there were a lot of fancy decorations, expensive vases etc, pretty things that any kid would be curious about. instead of shouting at us and threatening us not to touch it, my mom would take the item down and show it to whatever kid was intersted in it, let them touch it and play under supervision, and that way whenever they saw it again they didnt have the urge to break a rule cuz they already satisfied their curiosity... i appreciate my parents attitude of negotiating with me and helping me understand instead of a heavy hand and deprivation.

..My sisters and I were allowed to argue with each other as much as we wanted but you were never at any point allowed to make an ad hominem attack...

one major thing i know for sure is definitely NO VACCINES! im lucky i had a mom who didnt vaccinate, and whereas all my peers have ADD, asthma, allergies or even autism, i haven't had to suffer any of those...

i would have been homeschooled if the situation had permitted, but as it didnt i was put in public school, but i still owe it to my mom for making it very clear that i dont have to accept what the school says as doctrine and law, and encouraged me to question. if i was stressing and upset because of my work load from school, she would even tell me to screw my homework (although she didnt use that lang. lol), which she usually saw as busy work anyway, as long as i could bring my mind back to peace and balance which was the most important thing... basically reminded me that life is about much much more than the games we play in the system...

i guess the only other thing that comes to mind right now is that she put meditation and eastern philosophy in my life since the beginning... and that has been influential in the best way.

oh one last thing about the bathing. although i wasnt raised this way, after i went raw i started finding out all about the horrible chemicals we put on ourselves everyday everywhere in this society. i myself havent used any kind of chemical including shampoo which is really harmful for you, and my hair has become ten times healthier, it has stopped producing excess oil as well as my skin, both my skin and hair seem to clean itself. i only bathe with water, and i have been bathing less and less frequently because i just havent needed to.
sunscreen is bad too, it causes cancer and you dont need it, your body can protect itself especially if you are raw.

trinity082482

10-30-2007, 09:25 AM

I sneek raw foods into my sons diet sometimes without him knowing because at 4 he is a little harder to trick. For example I will mix half coconut water with half pure water and he doesn't know the difference. I find it keeps him regular.

When my son is coming down with a cold I give him all the strawberries he enjoys. I will open the entire container and him and I will snack on the entire container in one sitting while watching TV.

Some days I will skip on giving my son hot dogs or grilled cheese sandwich and him and I eat fruit plates together.. some people have told me that I shouldn't give my son only fruit for lunch because fruit is not a meal mean while their kid is scarfing down a piece of greasy pizza with no nutrition content and my son just consumed every vitamin you can think of and he will tell me he's full!
Sometimes the plate of fruit has apples, bananas, strawberries, pine apple and grapes. its a lot of fruit to fill up on! He will still get his daily vitamin and an sweetened almond milk.

I don't let my son go outside to play without my supervision. I am over protective. I hold his hand at times when he walks up a set of stairs without trails. I know some parents on my street who let their 2 year olds walk across the street and the mom is in the house watching tv. :eek:

I encourage physical activity with my son and we always bring a drink and snacks when we play. It's our thing. We always have food with us!

And last...

I make snacks when we are learning together. We sit down and do some home work and we munch on raw crackers or some pudding.

trinity082482

10-30-2007, 09:27 AM

Hello!
Co-sleeping

I am glad you said this because I agree. I don't think there is anything wrong with a child snuggling in bed with their parents. I often think the child sleeps better. :o

eachpeachpearplum

11-20-2008, 04:04 PM

Bumping for fresh imput! :p

eachpeachpearplum

11-20-2008, 04:28 PM

I suppose if I am bumping I should add my two bits!

It's been awhile since I started this thread and have been amazed at the wonderful disclosures - thank you! :)

I am the parent of a boy and girl ages 4 and 8. Much to my suprise my two kids are as different as night and day; they are in fact exact replicas of my husband and I; one charismatic & laid back goes with the flow the other is acedemic & rule based very much like the Character of "Bones" in the series by the same name. My husband & I are classic examples of opposite attract and have a great relationship because of our respective personalities. However this combo in my two kids does not result in harmony!

I am not actually sure if this is unusual but it is different from how I thought I would raise my kids.; namely treat them the same ans equally. However that is not what happens.

I very much tailor the style of raising each of them very differntly. Does this cause problems? Yes, with the rule based one. For ages I wondered what I was doing wrong. Until my husband explained how he was as a child and how he viewed life. He explained that our child is exactly like him. You would think I would have seen this but I just never did. Now that I do and have taken on board the info my husband relayed on how this child thinks It has been a revelation!

It would be totally unfair of me to raise both of them the same as they both view the world from extremely different points of view. I would experience such frustration as to why my child just did not seem "to get it" and now I understand that is just not how this child thinks and so I now know to approach this child in the way they think; I cannot give a suggestion and it is understood, I must give a rule or a specific guidline and they are happy! It has been an awkening for both of us. It's really funny given that the communication between my other child & I is so clear and easy it's almost without words!

So love our children but remember they are their own entities and it's a wonderful thing. It's the differences that make the world go round or the parent around the bend!!!! :p

EPPP

Conscious Midwife

11-21-2008, 09:04 AM

Conscious Midwife

11-21-2008, 09:22 AM

Reading old post just made me think of some more things...

~21 year old has toyed with changing her major and college, and I didn't flinchonce. Wanted to scream but I encouraged every notion. WEll she's a premed Jr. now and continues to stay the course.

~Flatulence giggled at, nose picking not tlerated

~Cultural diversity is embraced and sought out in our home and life, not just tolerated

~I provide holistic sexual education, @ 95% free of bias....uuummmhh yes masterbating will make you blind!!! Just kidding:D

~Spirituality encouraged ,religiosity not required... Must of us are solo practitioners or free agent on or journey

~I Dance with my kiddos

~ we often eat salad for breakfast

~ Conditioner wash toddlers hair, some time rinse bodies only.... no soaps. Other times use a little Dr. bonners as a shower gel

~let my little girl(5) go with her hair uncombed

~they are free to mono eat which is often the case with thyoun ger ones sometimes consuming 2-3 bananas in one sitting each

~ no one make there bed with consistency and we are fine with it

~ no set bedtimes

~teens get checking accounts at 16

~bedroom doors in our home don't lock but privacy is respected

freshlight

11-22-2008, 06:38 PM

"If they're not hurting themselves or infringing on anyone else's rights, let them do whatever they want."

That's it. If they want purple hair, pierced eyebrows, to wear funny looking clothes.... even a tattoo... ::shrug:::: It's their life.
Let them explore.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Choose your battles.
That's it.
Oh.. no.. one more thing.
Read and work through the material in "How to Keep the Love You Find" by Harville Hendrix. It will, among other things, show you how what you do now impacts your children for the rest of their lives. It will also help you understand your own adult relationship choices. Good book.

love this thread! You sound so wise and loving! Thanks for sharing. I'm new to this: my daughter is 13 and her behaviour is DIFFERENT since couple of months...Sometimes I feel really helpless because I'm not sure whether she started experimenting with alcohol and marijuana:eek:
It's SO challenging...It's a big thing to me but other parents I've been talking to are quite relaxed about it all: "That's normal, they'll grow out of it".

Don't you think that she does hurt herself with all this stuff? Or would you say I should try and let go? I know I have to decide it myself but some new opinions might help me to make up my mind.

Thanks for sharing, I'll get the book if I find it on Amazon.

Take care,

Eva

freshlight

11-23-2008, 07:58 AM

ooops! I just realised (with S or w.Z?) this thread is 2,5 years old.....

shine72

11-23-2008, 10:01 AM

It's okay that this is an older thread. It's been bumped so we can continue to learn and grow from each other.

Do you know for certain that your daughter is doing these things? I know growing up, if me or any of my friends got accused of doing something, we felt like we might as well since our parents were already "so sure" that we were.

If you're not sure, I can tell you what we've done with my oldest. He'll be 13 this week, and he's already started to show signs of "acting like a teenager". See, I don't like that saying. "Teenager" is a relatively new term. Before the word "teenager" came around, the were called, treated like, and expected to act like "young men and young women". That I like so much better. My son started "acting like a teenager" in recent months. We sat him down and let him know the difference between acting like and being treated like a teenager, and acting like and being treated like a young man. Then the choice of which he preferred was left to him. He chose to act like and be treated like a young man. And that's not to say that my kid doesn't get to still be a kid. Because he SO does!:p However, anytime the "typical teenager" behavior starts to rear his head, it only takes asking him if he changed his mind in his choice, and he corrects his own steps.:) And no, there was no threats used in this scenario, just explaining of differences in behaviors and the way they are in life and how it makes him look to those around him and even to himself. He's a very intelligent boy, and has always been such an old soul, so I'm not sure if that's helped in our scenario or not.

Hope some or any of this can be of some help to you. :)

freshlight

11-23-2008, 10:20 AM

thanks so much, shine! Sounds like you are a wise person, your children are so lucky.

LifeAGift sounds wise as well: I know I shouldn't take things personally either, but sometimes I do it anyway......any advise on how I could learn to become as wise as possible asap? ;)

yes, I do know it for certain: I found a tiny bottle of s-ing strong (whisky?) in her room, she smells of smoke and she did even tell me she tried to s. the waterpipe and a joint couple of times. :(
With the m. I'm not sure but I know that the other kids (her friends) do definitely use marijuana and s. joints.

This is such a shock and it came so fast and SO unexpected that I don't know what to do.....

HELP!

Eva

11-23-2008, 12:35 PM

freshlight -- Sometimes these things are just a phase. I smoked pot once in high school, but I didn't find it pleasant and chose not to do it again. I told my mom about it the next day, felt horrible. If I had found it to be a good experience, I probably would have done it again.

I have not been a perfect "child," and all along the way my mom has been there without judgment and with nothing but love. I had phases and got out of them. Sometimes I just grew up. Sometimes I learned tough lessons. It's life, you know.

Be kind and without judgment, don't pretend you don't notice these things... but you know your daughter better than we do. Still, no matter what, you can't force her to do something or to not do it...

freshlight

11-23-2008, 04:51 PM

Hey Eva,

thanks for your post. You are right about the judgement.....but it's so hard to let go when you are SO extremely worried about your child!
I don't try to force her to do anything at all, I just try to understand her. I have to learn so much! Don't feel wise at all at the moment :(

debilana

11-30-2008, 01:57 AM

Adding to the mommy chat here=)

We have one child, and she is now 11. My main points with her have been/were-

- very little stroller- I recall we had one but rarely used it. My husband carried her in a sling often and in a backpack when she was bigger. At that time we lived in a great walking neighborhood and took her out for walks in the sling and pack many times a week.

-co sleep- oh yeh. I recall we used a bassinet next to the bed at first, but one night I was trying to nurse lying down and it dawned on me- she can just stay here=) from then on she slept with us most of the time. When she was about a year old Dh bought her her own bed but it was right next to ours. She did not have her own room til we bought a house- she was about 3.
After she got bigger I started banning her from the bed until 5 AM or so, because she is so tall I could not sleep squished between her and her dad. We had a friend at the time nagging us about her sleeping with us and that she still wet her bed sometimes when she was 4 and 5- but our daughter is just fine now, very independent but loving and sweet at the same time.

- awareness of food- I had just started my food awereness journey when I got pregnant, and I made some very positve changes at that time that affected her growing up. It took until this past few years to really change my life, but all along I have talked about the importance of farmers markets, humane treatment of animals, eating processed foods, etc. She eats cooked food but loves fruits and veggies and has a good palate. I never let her touch a hot dog or hamburger at preschool or school when she was small, and to this day will not eat hamburgers and only eats veggie hot dogs.

- communication- I grew up in a very religious household, where information was dispensed by means of the Bible and my parents religious books printed by the leaders of the sect they belonged to. I did not get clinical, vital information. Luckily, I was a cautious and curious child, and I went to the library and read there. (WHen I was 16 I remember we had a sex ed class- I was a virgin and I got a perfect score and the gal behind me who had slept around with 8 guys failed the test. lol). Anyway, I hated not being able to have a real heart to heart with my mom without religion taking over the conversation. Faith is fine but I wanted my mother to talk, not parrot what some man in a tall building in NY wrote in a book and told my mom she had to buy and study. I have always been very upfront with my kid about sex, body information, drugs, alcholol, bad friends, everything. I find any opportunity to chat and make an impression, or just to let her talk and find out what is on her mind. I need her to be able to tell me anything- even if I wont like it. I sure hope in a few years that she does:o

-I waited until this past year to start exposing her to my spirituality in detail. I want her to make her own informed choices about religion and I did not want her to feel forced into anything. It has gone well so far.

- We did some vaccinations but I was reluctant. In retrospect, I probably would not again, but I did wait months before we did any of the baby shots. I had to go back to work and I was concerned about daycare issues, so I gave in:mad: However, I had no issues or side effects, which is a blessing.

-we both need to work and my daughter has done fine in public school. I think homeschooling is neat for those who can do it, and I applaud you for a job well done=)

- I am pleased our daughter is not very materalistic. She is easily pleased and although I know she would love newer things and more stuff, I think she knows we are lucky in many ways right now. I think sometimes it is hard when we are at my bosses house (I am a nanny and she goes to work with me sometimes) and they have much more than we do- but to her credit, she does not come home and start begging for things. Her requests are reasonable and since they are, we generally grant them.

rawviveyourself

11-30-2008, 04:04 AM

Homeopathy has been key to our family's health for the past 16 years. We have a homeopath who we call on about 1-2 times a year when things come up. It's a great way to integrate all aspects of the human spirit.

More regularly: massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, saunas, herbs, aromatherapy, and a rare visit to the osteopath.

Pizza

07-20-2009, 08:32 AM

Its so good for me to read all this, I live in a very mainstream, religious community... there are quite a few 'oddballs' around, and I tend to have one foot in each world... I really enjoyed the posts!

I bathe my kids 1x/wk in the winter, more in the summer... let the babies experiment as long as its just a boo boo and not a realy injury... lots of personal expression and relaxed rules... my inlaws just dont get it!

NicoleF

07-20-2009, 09:50 AM

I am so glad to hear most people don't bathe their children so often. My kids (6 and 8) bathe about 1 to 2 times a week. My neighbor thinks I'm crazy because she bathes her daughter every single day. I think it's very drying to the hair and skin to shower so often. It's also a bit unhealthy to be "too clean" and very unhealthy to use all those toxic shower gels and shampoos. We only use organic castile soap.

I home school my kids too, and we are very strict about what goes into our kids' mouths. It is very hard to live like this because we get ridiculed and always have to bring our own food to parties. My kids have never taken one single drug. I make my own herbal tinctures and only use those, homeopathic remedies, and organic fruits and veggies (God's medicine!) when we are sick. It's actually very hard to be friends who don't live like us because we don't have much in common! I love all my friends, but when you get together for a play date, everything becomes a hassle. I try not to talk about it, but when you live SO different from most people, it has to come up at some point, you know?

coco

07-20-2009, 01:39 PM

i bathe my kids when they are dirty which, if i can't See it (like after baseball :p), is once weekly or twice-ish in summer. i give birth on my own, nurse for many years, co-sleep, run around the house nakkie, talk about politics and world religions openly (age appropriate!), eat veggie and tons of raw, shop second hand and make a lot of our own things, make our own laundry soap and clean the house w things that are ok to put into your mouth, compost, write letters w the kids and actually mail them (that's odder than you think!), ride bikes, walk everywhere (i am known in town as "that woman w the kids who is always walking"), have a tv that only works for movies, only go to the dr for emergencies, did not vaccinate, and let my kids be themselves. oh, we'd garden too if we had a space for it but we do make sprouts in the kitchen!

seems crazy to some people but i can't imagine why. to me it seems crazy to get up in the middle of the night to mix some chemical powdery junk into a drink for my baby when i can just roll over and let her find boobeh! to each their own eh. it doesn't feel all that "radical" to me! just natural and good. and easy too!

want to see some pics? many crafts and fun things here
http://www.flickr.com/photos/craftylittlemonkey/

dread head vegan

07-21-2009, 03:50 PM

.Our kids go to bed early ;I am always amazed at how late kids stay up and then (the parents) complain that they have no time to themselves or the kids are tired

i agree with that... i was in a grocery store onetime around 10:30PM and there where kids everywhere and it was wendsday night!!!!:eek:

coco

07-22-2009, 02:10 PM

i usually get the kids to bed early but this summer is a write off so far! the baby is giving up naps (oh no! not yet!) so on the days that she doesn't have one she falls alseep between 7-8. on the days that she does have a nap she's fought it off for as long as possible so it's late and then she stays awake until after 10! ack! I want to be asleep by then, and there goes my me time in the evening too. it screws up our whole schedule, my 8 year old won't sleep until around 10 now either. he just lies there for hours not sleepy, i started letting him read until he gets tired but he just never does! and they still get up just as early as always too. geez.
hopefully the shortening days will get us back on track by fall. i need that time at night for chores and things or else i end up awake until midnight and very tired the next day.

eachpeachpearplum

08-04-2009, 12:07 PM

Thanks everyone for you posts I LOVE reading them. With the bath issue it really makes me think about all those parents who insist they bathe their kids every night - really? I think some are just embarassed to fess up! Yes my kids STILL have and early bedtime, slightly later in summer.

I must admit I enjoy stirring things up as I live in what I call "a Stepford subdivsion"eek! I think my neighbors are finally getting used to my young kids running around naked, although they have yet to allow their kids too, even though the kids "BEG" to get undressed!

xoxo,

EPPP

margoss

08-04-2009, 09:56 PM

we are free with our bodies at home as long as we respect each other & not staring. At times, she'll ask me to put something on bc my being naked makes her feel uncomfortable, so I do. Glad she feels she can tell me this. Bathe daily. this is her thing....she wears 3 pair of clean undies a day!! If she can't get to a bathroom, it's ok to 'squat & shake' in the woods or beside a tree. We did this on a trip, it was so funny. She really couldn't make it to the br. I could never see anyone in my family allowing this to be done. HS'ers, ATP, co sleeping, veggies..those that 'are not normal'..ya'll ever get that!!!:D
We discuss alcohol but I rarely drink. We already discuss if she becomes pregnant & not married to please come to me. She's 7yo. I don't want her to do something she'll regret bc she's afraid to tell me. I told her that I might be upset or even yell at first but we'll be ok & I'm here for her. I just want it to be different from my life.
I tell her to respect herself then she'll respect others. I'm strict with certain things & expect her follow my instructions..no back talk or sassing is allowed. she has to help with the house/laundry & many things that her friends & my families never did or do. They all resent their kids bc they are lazy at home but it's their fault. I explain this to her. EVeryone says I'm too strict but they really can't say anything bad about her behavior..she's very sweet & well mannered..most of the time(me too;). She makes their behavior stand out. I jsut dont' believe in someone getting their laughs at others humiliation or being degraded. I don't care if they talk bad about me. Sometimes it's easier to 'let it go' but I feel over time this makes it difficult to instill good behavior. I joke & say that I'm like Barney.."Nip it in the bud..Nip it in the bud." I could take her any place & she would fit in. She loves to dress up & has a shoe fetish, theater since age 3yo. We are big yard salers/consignment store people..this allows her to have this. I let her wear what she wants. I'm 46 & we listen to all kinds of music but it's so fun to go down the road with the windows down & the stereo blaring Bon-Jovi, Aerosmith, Journey, etc. It use to be the Wiggles. People look at us but my girls having fun with her M vs watching the dvd player. Nothing wrong with the dvd player, we have one for trips but I enjoy us having fun.
I never tell her she's a bother or in my way, etc. When we go on trips, we do free things-I spend most of the day in the ocean with her even though I'd rather sit on the beach & sleep-don't pawn her off on someone else or let her so go so I can 'get some peace'. I may feel this way sometimes but would never let her know. I want her to know she's apprecitated without having expensive material things so she doesn't think she needs to do this or expect it when she's older. I want her to learn that material things are not as important as happiness/love/kindness. She can do great things without spending a lot of $$ & do more without accumulating a lot of 'stuff'. One of my fav things is going to a free museum & getting her the headphones..she loves it & teaches me so much.
My home is not as organized as I want it to be but it'll be here our fun time goes quickly. As a friend said, "one day my childs not going to want me around so I'm spending as much time as possible with her/him now."
almost done.. I enjoy photography & do all of her photos. People comment on how great they are. I've learned with kids...this is my rule: first she wears what I would like her to wear, I pick out something fun, we do what I want to do THEN she can wear what ever she wants & do what ever she wants to do & I'll shoot it for her. This works out so great. We were in Hawaii & I took some amazing shots on the beach. When I was done, I asked what she wanted. She wanted to run in the ocean with her princess dress & play on the beacht..I said ok &she had the best time. the next day people were copying us! These were the best photos bc she was having fun.
Let them have fun with the photography..

rawfoods

08-09-2009, 03:57 PM

I'm glad to see posts about how effective chiropractic care can be! I once had a major sinus problem and after having my necked adjusted, it went away immediately!

My children and I see a chiropractor once a week. We've been going for about 2 years now. With the chiropractor's help (within a month), we've been able to take my son off of all the asthma and allergy medication he used to be on.

eachpeachpearplum

11-04-2009, 10:54 PM

Bump Bump Bump :D

racheyCYZ

11-16-2009, 01:05 PM

Hello. what an interesting thread! I often feel different than most people because I do teach modesty to my kids and many kids are fine showing there bodies. I guess my view it that we live in a world with many strange people who would get unhelathy enjoyment from seeing a child naked:(...
sadly we live in a sexualized world, it is hard to remove that fact. Due to that I do not let my children see me naked so that do not have images of my nakedness as they become of sexual age, that can be awkward for them later in life. If they do see me on accident, no big deal...I let my daughter in to brush teeth while I shower (not sons though). although she sees nothing because of the curtain. [B]And if kids can run around unclothed, at what age should it stop? when they develop breasts, or pubic hair? then wouldnt that make them feel wrong or bad for being older...and if they do continue being naked around the neighborhood they would be considered perverts. For moms who let kids naked, how would you feel if the dad next door took the same libety and was walking around his yard nude and kids saw? Curious...I mean this in the most respectful way, not trying to be rude at all.
I will most more about other things next. this one is taking up a lot of room!

racheyCYZ

11-16-2009, 01:18 PM

what else? we homeschool with Charlotte Mason style...love it.
we have no t.v. connection in our home. we may watch some videos, but not much...very busy with being outside and playing and school. Many friends feel bad for my kids in that way, but they can care a less.
how we eat obviously:) is different.
I do require my kids respect me and behave. I teach them they are part of a bigger picture, therefore we cannot go around acting like we choose. I do have those kids that are fun to be with, not much trouble and a general joy to be with...not many behavior issues because I have taught them young to listen the first time, respect other people etc.
We focus on creativity and music, they all play the violin and love of nature and God, to me that is freedom...
Oh, I let them dig holes if the yard, that seems to be a wild parenting tip...joking..but not many kids seem to get to do this. (we have 4 acres, so there is plenty of room)
They run wild outside but respect the outdoors and exoplre most of the day.

baths, daughter every day or other day...very healthy oily hair (she is 6).
both boys about 2x a week though. no shame in that right?

I like this site becasue we all are into looking deeper and further...even if it is different than each other we can learn and explore others ideas....how else would we grow? Have a great day moms!