How do you deal with being overwhelmed?

[vegggeeemom]

I am feeling a little overwhelmed and stressed today.
My kids have been sick for about 9 days and are just now getting better. But, both of them (3 and 16 months) have been EXTREMLY fussy and nothing is helping them.

I'm stressing over finances and I am no longer making any money at all and that is stressing me out. I told dh about it and he said he's going to take care of everything, but still, I'm stressing about the money!

I'm stressed over my house. I couldn't do anything for a month and am now just getting back into doing the house hold chores and it's a little overwhelming doing so much laundry, cleaning everything from walls to toilets, bathtubs, kids' rooms, our room.

I guess maybe after not being able to do anything for a month and then being thrown back into daily life has got me a little overwhelmed.

How do you handle feeling overwhelmed?

Thanks

Pam

[Lauradee]

HI PAM

i just have been going through this, too.

sorry that you are struggling

i know how exasperating housekeeping and momming can be

i just jump in there and start working

i don't stop until it's done unless i need a ten minute break

don't despair

there are alot of mommies out there who are going thru this

i don't like asking friend to help out because i like to do

my h ousework myself as there is a certain way i like it done.

maybe you are different and can handle extra help

i don't know what else could help.

just work u ntil it gets done then reward yourself with a

manicure or hot tea and rest.

this too shall pass

cheers,
laura

[misslinda]

i've gotten to the point that in the privacy of my own car, i make loud chanting or grunting sounds that are attributable to certain organs. i am finding it refreshing. btw, breathing exercises too.

[vegggeeemom]

I guess I should have expounded more on why I feel so stressed and overwhelmed.

For 3 weeks during my pregnancy I was on bed rest. I had to ask for help just to keep my household running and to keep my kids fed and myself fed!

Then my baby was found to have no heart beat, then I miscarried, then I hemhorraghed (sp?), was rushed to the hospital for an emergency surgery and blood transfusion.

My dh crashed our car and the check from insurance isn't enough to cover the cost of repair.

Financially it's been the toughest month for us.

I lost all my income that I was making which made the car payment.

I got released from the hospital 1-20-06 and my kids were sick and just got worse until they had 3 days of not being able to hold anything down. They are getting better, but majorily fussy in the mean time!

So, having a month of not doing any house work, not really being the main care taker of my kids, then being rushed to the hospital and then coming home and trying to recover my strength has just been a bit overwhelming with all that has gone on this month.

I have been very strong emotionally regarding the miscarriage, rush to the hospital, my kids being sick, the finances, the car and me losing my income.

Then today out of NOWHERE it just hit me and I felt SO overwhelmed and sulked around MOST of the day. Dh kept asking me what was wrong. I said I don't know.

Then I told him I feel so bad for not contribuiting to the house financially anymore. He said don't worry, you worry about being a wife and a mother and I'll take care of the finances and everything else.

I still am stressed about it all. It just all seemed to crash down on me today. I guess maybe I am just not feeling everything or it's a cycle of emotions regarding the miscarrriage and all.

I don't know for sure what emotion I even had today. I just felt so gloomy and trying to do the housework plus take care of the screaming kids had me worn out.

I feel better now some, but is this cycle going to just start all over again tomorrow to where I feel overwhelmed with all that has gone on?

I know I can change the way that I view things and I tried so hard today, but the negative feelings got the best of me.

Anyways, this was probably way too much information. I have a habit of doing that..just spouting off at the mouth every feeling I have and then people back off and say whoa, what got into her?!

Anyhow, I'd love for suggestions on how to deal with overwhelmed and stressed feelings. I love the ideas that have been given already.

Thanks

Pam

[karenisraw]

I have been there too where I have been overwhelmed. I just kept plugging a way and there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Just do the best you can do and make sure you take time to have emotions about your baby. The housework probably needs attention, but maybe some of this can wait. I would look to your husband and children for some hugs and "I love you mommy"s. Maybe you could treat yourself to an afternoon of just windowshopping or something that you like to do.

Hope this helps,

K
;)

[Darkmoon]

Maybe you just need to vent about all of this, because it seems to me that you have a right to feel overwhelmed and gloomy!

I know it is uncomfortable to feel what you're feeling, but sometimes we just have to feel these things, instead of finding something to make them go away. And the irony is, usually when we are honest and voice our discomfort as you are doing, that often brings the solutions.

I am so sorry about the loss of your baby.....

[vegggeeemom]

Darkmoon,

Ugh, you are SO right! I know you are too! That's the hard part is to realize that what you are saying is right.
I do have to deal with these emotions and just brushing them under the rug is not going to help me deal with them that's for sure.

One thing I learned form this forum before is to feel each and every single emotion that comes along and learn from them.

Thank you for reminding me about that!

I need to be totally honest about my feelings with my husband, so he knows what I'm feeling and what I'm dealing with!

Thank you so much for recogonizing my baby!

Oh emotions...they are indeed a good thing!

Edited to say thank you to the other people that took the time to reply. Sorry about that! It's just that Darkmoon's reply hit me, almost like I was being given permission to be overwhelmed! Sounds funny, but I feel like I'm being a baby or whimp for feeling so overwhelmed with what had been put on my plate.

Pam

[Raw Jewelrylady]

Veggeemom, My deepest condolences on your loss & all that you have been through. I don't have children & applaud all of you Moms out there. I think what Darkmoon said is so true. You deserve to vent & feel overwhelmed.

I have suffered from severe depression-(gone now)-thanks to raw foods & journaling. People recommended that I journal years ago & I never did it...but it is such a great way to see where my head is truly at & where it was.

Give yourself a break-so your house isn't spotless-is the "white-glove" test person coming over. I say...tell them to stay away.

Sounds like you have a great understanding husband (I do as well) they really are our best friends. I think he will also be of great comfort & help to you -especially if you tell him what you need. I know my Husband helps me w/household chores whenever I ask & sometimes w/out me asking. I hope this helps.

Lana

[Darkmoon]

You're welcome vegggeeemom. My heart really goes out to you. There is soooo much on your plate right now that if you didn't feel overwhelmed, well, someone should worry about you! If you read your posts describing what is going on in this woman's life, I bet you'd agree that she is doing pretty well considering all she is facing at the moment! So, I agree with yourself and Lana that sharing these feelings with your husband is important.

I am guilty of this in a way, although my issues aren't as profound as losing a child and having other kids and a spouse and a home to look after, that when things get tough, I reach for something to make it stop hurting or go away. For me, now, taking my comfort food away is making me deal with things I really don't want to face, but they are there every time I let myself be vulnerable. And they are the things that just keep rising to the surface, so they are never going to go away undealt with so must mean something. Pushing them away, masking the hurt really won't get me anywhere.

I just woke up from a nap….what a big deal. I never allow that! I have to keep going, you know? But I really needed a little time out. Now, I am remembering from when I helped a friend when I moved into their attic apartment. One day she called me and asked me if I could come down and stay with her kids *while she took a bath*. She just wanted a half an hour soak in the tub! What an awakening for me!!! Not having kids, I was amazed at how little things like bath soaking goes out the window when you have kids! I hope, besides your husband, you have a girl friend you can call on who can help you find a little "me" time. Don't let yourself think this is being selfish. An hour here or there just to be 'you' is a tremendous gift for yourself and everyone in your life.

Keep the faith!!
Darkmoon

[Lauradee]

veggiemom

I didnt realize you had miscarriage. You poor baby, i am sorry :(

you definaltey should heed your husbands advice

let him worry about finacnes and the house

that is a mans job they were cut out for it

you do what he says and take care of your castle

you are the queen and your husband is king of your home

your job is very special

despite what alot of people say these days

your job is the most important job in the world

you are raising future leaders of the country

let your husband protect you

let go of your worry and trust him one hundred percent

smile everyday. love everyday. take time everyday to say i love you

to the ones who matter most to you

relax and know you are whre you are supposed to be

this very moment

then take time to be thankful for another day of living.

the rest will come, find time to love and it will come back

to you in an energy form that will keep you going and going.......

thus is the way of love.


cheers,
laurs

[Lady Green Jeans]

vegggeeemom,

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your baby. Sending you a big hug and understanding.

Not blessed with children so stand in admiration for all moms.

What I have done is probably several small things but have helped. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful and loved you are and mean it.

About worry--something I work at ongoing. I've heard many a sermon on the subject. Knowing it does not add a moment to your life or anything postive for that matter, you will have to make a choice not to worry. I did an ABC thing with all the blessings (big and small) daily. What a help.

About chores/housework--it is and always will be there. I used to be Miss Perfection. Well, I set a timer and do 15 minutes a day/per room if time allows. I also do one thing a day towards a project or something that needs done. If you do that each day, then you can count on 365 things being done in a year.

Small stuff but they have helped me lift up through a sad time in my life. I hope they help you.

[livingatthetop]

The quickest way to feel better in any situation is to have extreme graditude for the things and people that you have. a home friends a great diet that is here for ever and no one can take it away fromyou. people who care enough to send you great messages of advice. There was once a man who was sitting in a tree eating a bannana he started to complain that he only had a bannana to eat. He ate it hastly and then threw the skin on the floor before the peel could touch the floor another man grabed it and ate the peel with haste. Meaning that you might nthink you have it bad but there is always some one who has it worse


Feel better give that gift to yourself

[Denise Nicole]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. *hugs* You need to take care of you for a little while.

One of the things I do under stress is try to get in control. Being able to control things helps me so much or feeling like I am taking control of a given situation.

Some sites which may help you:
Getting your home under control: Fly Lady (http://www.flylady.net)

Taking control of your finances:
Debt Proof Living (http://www.debtproofliving.com)

[shari]

Super veggeemom.........
You are doing such a great thing by reaching out and asking for help. I hope you feel all the love & hugs that are coming your way through this wonderful support forum. *************( :) )
I wholly recommend Flylady.com, it has helped me so much this past year to learn to love myself more. Along with Alissa's website, I feel like I have grown so much and shed alot of guilt and feel more in control than ever. I look forward to hearing how you are doing. God bless you dear one.
Shari